tnmynatt Posted August 20, 2004 Share Posted August 20, 2004 I am really struggling today. Charlie and I have a wedding anniversary coming up on Sunday (Aug. 22)--our 23rd. All I can think about is that this may be our last and that we aren't going to be able to enjoy it because of how bad he feels. I just can't figure out how I'm going to get through this in one piece. I know many of you have lost loved ones recently and this doesn't even compare. Just needed to vent for a minute. Hope it will help me make it through. How do we all go on? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimblanchard Posted August 20, 2004 Share Posted August 20, 2004 Christmas was the worst for me like that. We had just found out that the cancer had spread within a week before that. And while we still had hope, that day was really tough. The one time that was also bad was on Leap Day when Becky's best friend from high school - and sweetheart from whom I woo'ed her - came to visit with his wife. They live in Edinburough, Scotland, which is a pretty long way from Nacogdoches. And as they drove off, I thought for the first and really the only time, this is the last time we will ever do that. And I cried like Peter. So I know how you feel, and I hope and pray that you are wrong and that there are many more anniversaries in store. Best wishes, Curtis Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remembering Dave Posted August 20, 2004 Share Posted August 20, 2004 Please don't think like that. Relish every day. And think, OK, we made it to this anniversary, we'll make it to the next one . . . OK? It's tough I know. Don't I know . . . God Bless, Karen C. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tnmynatt Posted August 20, 2004 Author Share Posted August 20, 2004 Curtis, Thanks for your empathy and encouragement. Just as I thought, not too many have the desire to respond to my whining. But, it is necessary for me none the less. Take care and take it one day at a time. Prayers for you and your daughter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest bean_si (Not Active) Posted August 20, 2004 Share Posted August 20, 2004 Tina, You're not whining. I just don't know what to say. My daughter in Atlanta has said she had Thanksgiving off. I got air tickets to visit her. I called to let her know and she said she had decided to work on Thanksgiving. For the first time I almost lost it. I could hear the pain in my voice as I asked her not to work because it might be the last (and I couldn't finish the sentence). I can't tell you how much it hurt. I had spend the day before the previous Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve undergoing invasive tests. Her resonse was she had to work holiday to save money for our vacation next February. I think this is called denial. Oh well, now I've whined instead of making you feel better. I guess I just wanted you to know how much I understand the double edged pain/joy of special days. It HURTS! Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ann Posted August 20, 2004 Share Posted August 20, 2004 Tina, please don't ever think of this as "whining." Stand back and see what you are going through and I'm sure you will realize you are not "whining." I know exactly how you feel and it is normal. We all have had and do have those same thoughts. I'm no advice expert, but I can tell you to just take a deep breath and exhale slowly. Just imagine all of your problems going right out of your mind with that breath. I used to do that several times a day and believe it or not, sometimes it helped a little. Like others have said....live for the moment. Most of our lives, we live for the future. We talk about what we will do next year, next week, tommorrow...even talk about retirement. Just throw all that right out the window and live for right now...today! Tina....Tennessee gals are really tough!!! Keeping you and your family in my prayers! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stand4hope Posted August 20, 2004 Share Posted August 20, 2004 Tina, I started to post here late last night, but couldn't. The reason is because I have the same fears and my husband is doing really well right now. I feel like I shouldn't feel like I feel. I worry that my husband will see some of my posts some day and think that I think he's dying. He is so upbeat and optimistic that he is going to beat this that I am ashamed of myself for even thinking that two weeks ago might have been his last happy birthday and two weeks from now might be our last anniversary (37th), etc., etc. I know that possibility is out there, I know my mind goes there, but I try to turn it off and not think about it. You are not whining - you just put on paper what some of the rest of us fear but are too afraid to admit. I do very much hope and pray that Charlie will feel like celebrating on Sunday, and I also pray that this time next year you will be able to pull up this post out of the archives and say WE MADE IT ANOTHER YEAR!!! Much love AND HOPE coming your way, Tina, Peggy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
betplace Posted August 20, 2004 Share Posted August 20, 2004 ((((((Tina)))))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.C. Posted August 20, 2004 Share Posted August 20, 2004 Tina, All I can say, is enjoy this year, do not borrow on the worry of next year, because all could be well. I know what missed anniversaries are; 2001, I was in the hospital following a come of 3 days, so no anniversary. 2002, Mike was on treatment that day (chemo) and our driver (very well paid, fired the same day) made a mess of our day, so no celebration. 2003, I was in the ICU for high blood pressure on our anniversary, came home in the middle of the night and was back in the ICU the following night, so once more no anniversary. Mike, died on October 13th 2003. but we had the chance of celebrating 40 previous very happy anniversaries, and those are the ones that I think about all the time. Enjoy each day, I know it is easy to say, but you can do it with practice. So, enjoy your anniversary. J.C. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest bean_si (Not Active) Posted August 20, 2004 Share Posted August 20, 2004 Tina, I want to take this moment to let you know that you are one of my heroes. You are going through so much heartache and yet you take the time to work for this entire community. You, Tina, are one in a million. I salute you. I think you're wonderful. Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remembering Dave Posted August 21, 2004 Share Posted August 21, 2004 Tina, I want to make sure you don't think I think you're whining. I don't at all. Trust me, I'm struggling, too. But think positively . . . it really helps. But whine all you need to. I do all the time. Best, Karen C. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ahhappy Posted August 21, 2004 Share Posted August 21, 2004 Isn't it hard not to think that way? I would like to point out to you though-that I have thought that every milestone for the last five years with my mother. Now- I haven't spent excessive time worrying about it- as I'm sure is the case with you as well. But the thought has crossed my mind at every milestone- AND SHE'S STILL HERE! My best advice is to forgive yourself for having the thought at all. It's ok. And here is the best place to express them, because chances are most of us have felt the same at one time or another. And have a great day on Sunday!!! Amy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tnmynatt Posted August 21, 2004 Author Share Posted August 21, 2004 Thanks for the advice & support everyone! Trying to be positive. This has just hit me like a ton of bricks the last 2 days. Continuing to pray for all of you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
renee_ky Posted August 21, 2004 Share Posted August 21, 2004 I know how you feel. Scott was in the hospital fighting for his life on our anniversary. And then, I knew it would be our last. He is still with me now, but I doubt he will be with me for the next. That is, if teh doctors are right. We have been married only 4 years. We were the best of friends for 10 years before we married, and we still are. Renee Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luvmydog2 Posted August 21, 2004 Share Posted August 21, 2004 I started to reply to you last night but wanted to think first. I know how you feel right now. You and I are on opposite sides of the fence but we are on the same roller coaster. You are the care giver...I am the patient. My dx hit me like a ton of bricks. I had surgery on June 19 and my anniversary is June 22. My wife mentioned this to the nurse. Now just coming out of surgery, you can imagine how I felt. The nurse said "well we can close the door and put a Do Not Disturb sign on it." I think she was serious but I was too. I was in pain but tried to laugh. My point here is to celebrate. If this is the last time, then so be it. If you don't celebreate and something was to happen, then you have to live with that. We all stand the chance of passing on before tomorrow. Not because of cancer but by human nature. Anything can happen. I got this attitude after my surgery in 2003. I am going to die one day. Guess what...so are you. Lung cancer may get me and then again maybe it won't. I am looking to be around to celebrate my 50th - 60th and 70th birthday. Cherish every day that you have with Charlie. I hope I did not confuse you worse. I am going to PM you a poem of mine that has been with me since my High School days. Oh how I hated that English class. Little did I know this poem would be with me this long after HS. Take Care and try to . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ginnyde Posted August 21, 2004 Share Posted August 21, 2004 Tina, Even when Earl was very sick at the end and off all treatments, I would buy him new shorts or something. It was just a small way of saying, you may be sick but you just never know you may need these new things. I needed to keep our lifes as normal as possible without pretending Earl wasn't sick. There are enough changes in your life with this disease. Try as best as you can to celebrate, decorate, whatever, all the things you have always done. Because today is today. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SJAS Posted August 22, 2004 Share Posted August 22, 2004 Tina, I tried to respond a couple of days ago, but my computer is having "issues" (and we thought we were the only ones ). Here's a second try. June 25, 2002 was our 25th anniversary, but since Steve had been caught in all the high tech layoffs out here, our long dreamed of special trip (I was thinking cruise) was out of the question. I was feeling pretty sorry for myself (I can whine with the best of 'em.) Then when I pulled into the garage after work, there was Steve standing with a little 2-person kayak for our anniversary "cruise!" Some cruise - we paddled ! This year Steve was too sick for us to celebrate. That 25th anniversary will always be one of my very favorites. I have decided to stop wondering "what if..." and focus on "what is." That way I won't overlook the gifts that are right in front of me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haylee_38 Posted August 23, 2004 Share Posted August 23, 2004 Tina just want you to know my thoughts are with you. {{{ Tina }}} Haylee Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shelliemacs Posted August 23, 2004 Share Posted August 23, 2004 TIna ok, its not my spouse who I have gone through this with, but my emotions are about the same. When mom was sick, I choked every day on fear of loosing her. I could not live in the minute I was in for fear that I would not get the next one with her. when dad was dx'd the same thing, I again stopped living in the minute and moment I was in because I was so panicked about the ones I may not get tomorrow. I lost them both and still hate that I gave up a laugh I could have had with or given to them because my fear was preventing that from happening. now my sister has cancer, I have made a conscience decision to do everything I can together thats fun or alive. I know my sisters cancer is nothing like mom and dads. she will survive and thrive. my point.....don't loose this minute worrying about one 6 months from now. no-one, not even you are gauranteed tomorrow. TODAY YOU ARE ALIVE, SO LIVE NOW MY FRIEND.....!!!!!!!!! let God take care of tomorrow. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tnmynatt Posted August 24, 2004 Author Share Posted August 24, 2004 Thanks for all the good advice. I especially give my thanks to you, Shelly. I'm feeling better now. You'll are the greatest! Praying for each of you on a daily basis. Take care. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melinda Posted August 24, 2004 Share Posted August 24, 2004 Tina, Please forgive my belated response. I don't have much to add to the wisdom that has been posted before on this thread; I can't imagaine how hard it must be... However, as one who is on the verge of getting married --- I want to point out that a 23rd anniversary is truly something to be celebrated. I hope your day was simply wonderful. Melinda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PamT Posted September 26, 2004 Share Posted September 26, 2004 Dear Tina, Believe me, I don't think you are whining. It is so hard to know what to do and how to feel from day to day. One day you look at your husband and see the wonderful man you married, and the next day you may see someone else whom you love as dearly, but who is so different from that energetic, fun-loving man you married. Cherish the good days and during the bad ones, be thankful that he is still with you. This is a wonderful forum to "whine" in as we all have your feelings at times. Richard and I own a bed and breakfast, and we live on property. When I am here, I must always put on a smile and pretend all is well. But the second my car leaves the property if I am alone, the tears come. Everything you are feeling is normal. I pray that today has been a good day for you both. Love to you, Pam Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimblanchard Posted September 26, 2004 Share Posted September 26, 2004 Just for my 2 cents - we go from occassion to occassion - easter, anniversary, birthday, 4th, Labor Day, another birthday coming up ... At first I was doubtful that we would even make it to ones a month or two off, how awful to stand in the store, cards on sale, should I buy one? Will I need it, what if I find it after, how hurtful that will be ... I bought the cards, I had to, and I did need them, thank goodness. And bam, bam, bam, those occassions just keep coming. Maybe if you just keep celebrating all of them, the individual ones won't be so sensitive. I do understand how you feel. Hugs to both of you and congratulations. Margaret & Jim Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kate1621 Posted September 27, 2004 Share Posted September 27, 2004 I have no insightful suggestions. However, your post is appreciated, because I think the same scary thoughts, and feel selfish about it, or wonder if I'm gonna' be some sort of jinx. I've been trying the "one day at a time" approach. Next week I'll be trying something new. (not sure what yet) Wishing you and yours stregnth, Kate Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paddy Posted September 27, 2004 Share Posted September 27, 2004 I know just how you feel and it's not easy at all. At one time I didn't even think Dave would reach his birthday in July. To make matters worse he made it plain that he didn't think so either. Anyway he did and we had a great party, bittersweet of course...but still. Just follow the old rule, ( much repeated here on this board, and for good reason,) "One day at a time!" Love and prayers coming your way. Paddy[/i] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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