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The mens dictionary....


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The Men's Dictionary ...

"I can't find it." - REALLY MEANS: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"That's women's work." - REALLY MEANS: "It's dirty, difficult and thankless."

"Will you marry me?" - REALLY MEANS: "Both my roommates have moved out, I can't find the washer, and there is no more peanut butter."

"It's a guy thing." - REALLY MEANS: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"Can I help with dinner?" - REALLY MEANS: "Why isn't it already on the table?"

"It would take too long to explain." - REALLY MEANS: "I have no idea how it works."

"I'm getting more exercise lately." - REALLY MEANS: "The batteries in the remote are dead."

"We're going to be late." - REALLY MEANS: "Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."

"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard." - REALLY MEANS: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"That's interesting, dear." - REALLY MEANS: "Are you still talking?"

"Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love." - REALLY MEANS: "I forgot our anniversary again."

"It's really a good movie." - REALLY MEANS: "It's got guns, knives, fast cars and naked women."

"You know how bad my memory is." - REALLY MEANS: " I remember the words to the theme song of "F Troop", the address of the first girl I kissed, the VIN of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."

"I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses." - REALLY MEANS: "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe, wearing a thong."

"Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself. It's no big deal." - REALLY MEANS: "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt."

"I do help around the house." - REALLY MEANS: "I once threw a dirty towel near the laundry basket."

"Hey, I've got reasons for what I'm doing." - REALLY MEANS: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."

"What did I do this time?" - REALLY MEANS: "What did you catch me at?"

"I heard you." - REALLY MEANS: "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next three days yelling at me."

"You really look terrific in that outfit." - REALLY MEANS: "Please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving."

"I brought you a present." - REALLY MEANS: "It was free ice scraper night at the ball/hockey game."

"I missed you." - REALLY MEANS: "I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry and we are out of toilet paper."

"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are." - REALLY MEANS: "No one will ever see us alive again."

"This relationship is getting too serious." - REALLY MEANS: "I like you as much as I like my truck."

"I don't need to read the instructions." - REALLY MEANS: "I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help.

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