Men's Thesaurus

[Angie Daughter of Bill]

The new Men's Thesaurus - on sale now at your local book stores!:

"I'M GOING FISHING"

Means: "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid,and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."

IT'S A GUY THING"

Means: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical".

"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"

Means: "Why isn't it already on the table?"

"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR..."

Means: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"

Means: "I have no idea how it works."

"I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT'S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND."

Means: "I was wondering if that redhead over there is wearing a bra."

"TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD".

Means: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."

Means: "Are you still talking?"

"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."

Means: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."

"I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES".

Means: "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."

"OH, DON'T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT'S NO BIG DEAL."

Means: "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."

"HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING".

Means: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."

"I CAN'T FIND IT."

Means: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely

clueless."

"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"

Means: "What did you catch me at?"

"I HEARD YOU."

"I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."

"YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE."

Means: "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."

"YOU LOOK TERRIFIC."

Means: "Please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving."

"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."

Means: "No one will ever see us alive again."

"WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK."

Means: "I make the messes, she cleans them up."

Angie