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Sometimes it really gets to me


KatieB

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I think I'm doing OK. I've been at this for 4 months today and somedays it feels like our family has been through this for 4 years. I don't complain and I help my dad (SCLC IV) as much as I can daily. I research and stay active in his treatment and care, love him alot and try like heck not to let the statistics get to me.

Today at work, one of the attorneys was gripping about a case I was handling, I made a joke to him and he made a smart-aleck comment back to me. I just walked out and broke into tears. Then I cried all the way home for an hour! It really was nothing & I know it sounds so stupid! I have always been so strong, could always hold my own. I haven't cried about this situation with dad or about "cancer" in a while, maybe it was time to let some of it out. Just hope next time I get alittle warning, seems like the tears flow whenever and whereever these days. :cry:

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But the important thing is to let the tears flow whenever you need too!! There is no shame in that and sometimes we try to be so strong for everyone around us that we forget that its okay to break down once in awhile... Bet you felt better afterwards.... Sharon

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Katie -

Last Friday - after a really good day....The weather was beautiful...had gone out to lunch with my husband....then my mom and I went to the park for a while. It was an all round great day....yet....

When I got home in the garage...before I could get out of my van....I just started to cry. So - I did - even though I didn't have an immediate reason to cry.

Then I dried my eyes, went in the house and continued my evening.

Sometimes when we are under this kind of stress and pressure, the ONLY way to keep from "losing it" is.....to lose it.

I thank God for giving us tears. It's cleansing and it does relieve the pressure. Don't feel bad for crying...it's much healthier than not!

I have an acquaintance whose husband passed away. She said she had cried buckets before he died, but when he did pass, for months she couldn't cry - It almost made her physically sick and definitely upset her "emotional" balance.

Hugs,

Shannon

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I know exactly what you mean. I cry sometimes over the silliest little stuff and then feel silly for doing it..... I guess I shouldn't feel silly, but I do.

The worst thing that I have done is take my grief and aggrivation out on my boyfriend. The man would do anything and everything for me... and lately, he has. I always go back and tell him that I'm sorry for lashing out at him and I thank the Lord that he sent him to me.

I don't think that I have had any other emotion lately other than sadness. I get tired of crying and my eyes are always red and puffy. Well.... I guess it's one of the symptoms that we, as caregivers, go through.

Hang in there. Remember that when you are crying over your father.... there are others out there at the same time doing the same thing. I think we are all bonded in that way.

Prayers and hope for you and your family.

Renee

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One night I was waiting for a table at a restaurant with my good friend. I was frustrated and just started crying. (I very rarely cry for some reason). It is soo hard to live each day knowing that your loved one is not going to be around very long. As the doctor says no one know when we are going to die-but unfortunately our loved one knows he will not be around as long as we thought. It has only been 3 months and it seems like years. Hang in there.

Rosanne

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I guess everyone here knows what I mean. Sometimes I think I'm going insane, then I remember the source of my grief. I had a dentist appointment last week. They kept me waiting for 2 hours before seeing me, then there was a descrepancy in the cost of the procedure! (The day before they had quoted me a different price) I had gotten so frustrated just waiting and sitting in that chair and no one knowing what they were talking about that I just welled up and began to cry, literally puffed up-runny nose, the whole nine--. No matter how hard I tried I could'nt stop the tears! The dentist felt so bad he knocked $200 off my bill "for all my trouble" ! We'll I guess that's one good thing about being an emotional wreck! I can just think about dad, or something I've read about his cancer (SCLC IV) and just cry. It's been 4 months, I didn't cry like this at first, maybe once or twice, now it's all the time. Sometimes, (I know this sounds terrible) but sometimes I really hate when people ask me about my dad and how is he doing, etc...) They don't understand so in my mind I'm thinking, "what do you care?" I know they care, about me and how I'm feeling, etc...but sometimes asking just makes it worse. Have I completely lost it?

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When someone you love(my husband) is so terribly sick how can you not help but cry. It is sooooooooo difficult to watch my strong husband become so weak and sick. I try not to cry in front of him albeit I don't want him to think that I don't care. It is so difficult but then much more difficult for him.

More than crying I just get this horrible feeling of anxiety. I have found that keeping busy is the best cure.

Sometimes you just can not stay strong and you need a meltdown. Do it and then move on.

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I can't believe I'm writing this because I really don't believe in taking drugs or drinking to solve problems, have you thought of asking the doctor for some xanax? I have some for my husband and it takes the edge off(according to people who have taken it). I haven't taken it yet but my daughter has once or twice at the beginning (Thanksgiving ). She said it helped. You have to be very careful to not get addicted. Gianni's dose is one every 6 hours. He took 1/2 before bed and sometimes when he was nerved up. Now he is on Zoloft and he doesn't need to take xanax anymore. Just a thought. Also, my daughter went to see a therapist and talked a few times. She was reassured that what she was going through-crying-was normal. That made her feel better.

Also, I e-mail updates to family and friends which cuts down on the calls.

You are in my prayers.

Rosanne

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:shock: Of course it's emotional, and I'm glad you are feeling it. I didn't let my emotions show through until my THIRD cancer, which was the lung. I have learned, through time, therapy, and zoloft :D , Find a safe place to let it out. I have several friends who I can turn to in a flash. I left in the middle of church one time crying hysterically. I called my friend and told her I was having a meltdown. We met for coffee and she sat with me until I was better.

One of my favorite quotes in from "The Pilot's Wife". She just found out her husband's plane had crashed. Her grandmother told her "You have to go through the pain to get to the other side."

My therapist has helped me "compartmentalize" my feelings. The cancer fear lives in its own room in my brain. Sometimes it comes out, and I have to acknowledge it, and then I put it away.

I have also learned I have NO time for the stupid things in life, like waiting for late doctors!

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Its hard for all of us. My dad has advanced stage lung cancer as well. Sometimes, I am in the teachers office and just feel like crying but I have to hold back. I try not to cry about anything. I have to show my wife that I am okay and that things will be better. When I am with my dad I try to be cheerful and make jokes so he can laugh and be happy. However, I let Dad be Dad, I ask him for advice about things. I ask him about old memories and about my future with my wife.

Yes, I think keeping busy is good. I live far away from my dad over 5,500 miles. I am here in Japan. I feel guilty for being so far apart and being able to not think about this sometimes. However, I will return home in 2 months for good. Dad is looking foward to this.

ITs very hard. My parents are the reason I grew up the way I did. I wanted to go to college to make money do I can pay them back. I got married early because I knew my parents were getting older, so I wanted them to see my wife adn kids. However, I got married last Summer and Dad was diagnosed in October. I had a short time to really enjoy married life. Now, it seems we have to ride it out for the next few years, because along with my dad mom is suffering from diabeties complications. So they are both sick. So time is precious. I had banked on my parents living 10 more years at least, but there are no guarantees anymore. Life has changed, but my dad is alive today, he said he is okay, so I am happy and trying to enjoy the day. I hope things turn for the betterfor all of us!!

Ray

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Guest randi817

I find myself getting emotional about the weirdest things ever since my dad's September diagnosis. He was diagnosed a week after my husband's grandmother died from renal cancer - so that was particularly hard - and I can barely remember Sept. or October at all. By November, I had achieved somewhat of a "normal" - or a "new normal" as I keep calling it. But ever once in a while, I break down at the strangest, unrelated things - when a friend calls, when a friend doesn't call, when my husband doesn't make the bed, when I just get so tired that I can't deal with it anymore... and then the more related things - whenever I think big picture, whenever I hear my dad had a bad day, whenever I read someone else got this dreadful disease, whenever I do a story (I am a journalist) about NSCLC - which happens from time to time.

But the other posters are right - I'm trying to take this thing one day at a time. Enjoy every day moment or meal I have with my dad - and enjoy all the regular, normal moments of every day life. I focus on those - and thank G-d for every normal gettogether or phone conversation we have... (which since we live near each other does happen fairly often). I still get emotional, of course, and that's totally fine - I love a good cry every now and then anyway. But I am finding solace and hope in the weird normalcy life seems to have right now. And I too "let Dad be Dad." He still checks up on me, we still talk sports, I still seek his advice, he still gives it even when I don't seek it. ;) Sometimes I cry after one of those talks - b/c it all does SEEM so normal yet isn't - but really, that's all I think we can hope for right now...

Sorry this rambled.

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Randi817

My daughter and I love your "new normal"remark 8) . That is what we now call our post cancer diagnosis life. For me it is not working and finding things my husband and I can do together. Fortunately, he still feels well-no pain. He doesn't drive except to go to the store around the block because of mets to the brain even though I can't believe he drove for about a month before diagnosis when his driving was bad. I worried what my husband was going to do when he retired before now that is the life we live. We plan around his chemo days and dr appt. Considering we were told he probably had two weeks, we are relishing the 3 months we have had so far. It's hard not knowing when the "next new norm" will start, but we are thankful that we have this time together.

Rosanne :)

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I know what it feels like to cry at night, alone, when no-one is watching. SOmetimes it helps to let it out, blow off steam. But you need someone you can talk to, someone you can yell at, a shoulder to lean on. I hope you have someone like that in your life, or that you can find someone here who will be there for you. Please take care of yourself. You and your family are in my prayers.

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Hi Peg, I'm sorry you're having to go through this. I hate to make it sound like it is easily fixed, because it is an ongoing thing. But when my dad was diagnosed my mom was very depressed. I sent her to her doctor with specific orders to request an anti-depressant. She has been on Paxel and it has helped alot.. I'm not saying that she dosn't get sad from time to time, but the Paxel has made the whole thing easier for her to deal with. It keeps her mind clear, and she isn't crying all the time anymore. She calls regularly for a "pep talk", but the med. has made a clearing in the fog so that she can function. Or maybe you just need to get it out and lean on someone. I know there are no quick fixes, the only thing that would make you feel better is if your husband would not be sick, but maybe you can talk to your doctor about it and she/he could recommend an aid. It's a long road, and you need your strength and a support. I hope this is of some help. Keep us posted and try to take care of yourself physically and emotionally, if you don't tend to your needs, it will make tending to your husbands that much more difficult.

Take care, Deb

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My Mom has lung cancer and is fighting the battle for survival. During christmas I went to see her mother "my Nana" and she had a bad stroke-the week before and didn't tell me, she got pnuemoniaand passed 1/05/2003. I felt so bad, we all loved her so much and I was trying to be so strong at the funeral but I looked at my nana and my mother and who is so thin and sick and started hyperventilating while crying. I was trying to be strong for my mom (i felt like everyone wanted me to be because I am her daughter) and i fell apart.

Not everyone is facing this but life is going on, and this lady told me that it will be irritating to see other people acting "normal" when I am dealing with so much. I don't know if that helps. Like someone complains about something silly. Mood swings are inevitable... she said, i just hope they don't last long....

God Bless

Laurie

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