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Not cancer related--guilt

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Dear all,

Poor Geoff has been juggling 300,001 things on top of his mom's cancer. Overextended and stressed--you bet.

He got back from a series of business trips on Thursday to discover that I had been in a car accident (gotta love NYC taxi drivers!) which, although was NOT serious (thank goodness!) has me laid up with back/neck injuries (but no broken bones).

This is NOT what he needed to come home to.

The phone rang yesterday, I tried to turn in bed to pick it up--my muscles all seized--and I fell out of bed like a 100 pound stone. Geoff heard the thud and found me unable to move on the floor.

This is NOT what he needs at the moment.

Not only am I unable to do the 1,000,001 things I need to do--but I feel like such an added burden to him.

And I don't want to worry my mother (she is in the midst of relocated my sister at the moment--an EXTREMELY stressful event)...

Plus--I am bored OUT OF MY SKULL lying in bed 99% of the day. I need a good book...

He asks what he can do to help--but I don't want to touble him; his plate is already overflowing.

I was taken by the FDNY EMS to the emergency room to rule out broken neck bones (that was worthy of a "Seinfeld" episode)--but my regular doctor is out of town until after Labor Day--and I just feel useless--an ameoba. And a burden. I HATE that.

I hate being in pain that is preventing me from functioning--AND is irrelevant compared to everything else that is going on. I'm just compounding the real stressors in our lives.

Any suggestions on how I can minimize my negative impact on his life right now?

Sorry--I just needed to vent. Feeling so stupid and useless...

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Maybe if you made it "fun" for him, he wouldn't consciously think about you being hurt...

For example, "picnic" on the bed - spread out a tablecloth on the sheets and have lunch (sorry, missy, no champagne for you, sparkling juice only with pain meds)...

If ya gotta whine, make it humorous...falling out of the bed makes YOU one of those "things that go bump in the night" (Ya know, the "Beasties" thing - Lord, save us from ghosties and ghoulies and things that go bump in the night...)

MAYBE he can pick you up a book...one of those trashy romance novels to put the stars in your eyes... :shock:

How's the wedding planning? Another thing the two of you could do while "lounging" on the bed...

Redecorating? Watch all those decorating shows and take notes...

(Watch the snacking, though, you don't want to NOT fit in that wedding gown...)

Try coloring books...seriously...revert to childhood, it REALLY is a stress reducer (a new box of crayons is SURE to bring a smile, the 96 color box...).

Make a list of things that you would like to do with your husband in your first year together...or write your story up to now with Geoff... First date, first kiss...kinda like a baby book...complete with pictures!

Remember, YOUR owies will heal with time, he knows that, too. This is a temporary situation, keep that in mind - a light at the end of the tunnel. You're just stir-crazy right now, that's why you're so frustrated. Start working on perspective and you'll do just fine... (And if you've NEVER been around him while he's sick, you wouldn't understand that if the situation were reversed, you'd surely go mad! LOL - MEN!)

Take care,


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Ouch, Ouch, Ouch... I can almost feel the pain... First off, I know you don't want to be a burden, but right now... you need to concentrate on you... I am sure Geoff does NOT see you as an added burden. I can't imagine laying in bed all day... Have you read "The Five People You Meet in Heaven"? Great Book... also crossword puzzles are a great time killer.... Needlepoint too if you are into that.... Hope you are back on your feet soon.... Glad nothing was broken though... it could have been much worse!!! Love, Sharon

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There is nothing worse than not being able to do the things you are used to doing. Not to mention the fact that there is absolutely NOTHING on tv right now except relentless repeats.

Just remember, Geoff is concerned about you and you are not a burden. You have just gotten a glimpse into my everyday reality. I know exactly how you feel. You can't help feeling like you are a burden. You can't do the things you need to do, and you have to rely on others to help you. Some days for me are worse than others. When I see my husband so tired from staying up with me all night and getting up at the crack of dawn to go to work and trying to be with me on EVERY doctor appointment, I just feel awful, guilty, useless. (Sorry, I'm trying to cheer you up! :wink: ) Anyway, the bottom line is that you would do the same for him, as would I. That's what we do for the ones we love.

Remember, this too shall pass. In the meantime, enjoy the relaxation and ignore the cobwebs!!!!

And all of us here appreciate all of the useful info you have posted recently!


Take care and hope you heal up real soon!

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Melinda, I have a suggestion, can you type out the story of the whole accident for us, including the Seinfeld worthy ride to the hospital? will kill some time and entertain us, too.

that being said, I'm really sorry you were in an accident and I really do hope you're OK. and if you're in pain I sure hope you've got some good pain meds, if not, tell you doc to prescibe them.

Book, movies, get Geoff to bring you these things, then you'll have something to do and he will have helped you.

Poor thing, I know you are miserable and worried about everyone else. But take care of yourself, don't fret, and you'll be 100% sooner than you think.

Keep us posted,

God Bless,

Karen C.

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Believe me, Melinda, if Geoff loves you like I'm sure he does, you are NOT a burden to him. At least in my relationship with my husband, he has always been a great caregiver when I have had problems and never minded taking care of me. In fact, although I know it hasn't always been convenient, I think it makes them feel needed. They are natural protectors and lovers and most of the time are thrilled to take care of us. I suppose in some cases where a wife or girlfriend might be a whiner or hypochondriac, it would get old, but certainly this is not the case with you. I do know exactly how you feel, though. We think we are the ones that should be fussing over our men, and feel kind of guilty when it's the other way around. Let him do this. Let him buy you a book, massage your muscles (if that's possible without making it worse), pick you up off the floor and baby you. It will give him something to boast about to his friend - taking care of you AND his mom, but he's a big enough man to handle it.

I sure hope you feel better soon - those soft tissue injuries are the worst.



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Ouch, Melinda. I am so sorry you had to meet a NYC taxi that way. Back problems are not fun. Honey, you can't help what happened. Take care of yourself and do NOT overdo. Let Jeff wait on you and go to your doctor when he returns. I would love to hear about the ER visit as well. We all could use a good laugh. Hope you feel better soon.


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I agree with everything everybody else said, except I would steer clear of the romance novel. Sorry, Becky, but the last thing she needs is to get all worked up when working it off would be pretty dangerous. I am trying to put that delicately, which is not in my nature.

But here are some great books I have read recently. First, ditto on the five people you meet in heaven. It is a great read, but it is also a 90 minute read, so it is just an appetizer. Love Me by Garrison Keillor is a fabulous novel as well. Most anything by Keillor is worth reading, especially Lake Wobegon Days, Leaving Home, Wobegon Boy, and Lake Wobegon, Summer 1956. If you like one of these, you will like them all. I also thoroughly enjoyed a book called Father Joe by Tony Hendra; it was the sweetest story of a man and a priest who shaped his life from a distance. It was a great story about what ministry should be like, and just a warm and fuzzy tale. The Secret Life of Bees is also a really neat stories, as is Wicked. Both of them are pretty current best-sellers, and the first one I am only taking Alisa's word. I don't usually recommend books without having read them myself, but I trust her. Wicked is the prequel to the Wizard of Oz, and pretty entertaining. The Name of the Rose by Umberto Eco is one of the most interesting stories I have ever read; it is a murder mystery set in a monastery about 800 years ago, and a disciple of Francis Bacon happens into the monastery and ends up investigating both the murders and an even bigger mystery that I won't tell you about.

Now I must get us ready for school. I am so sorry you are laid up for a few days. Do you have a DO or a chiropracter. Sometimes the manipulations they can do are simply divine.


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I agree OUCH!! I was rearended while at a stoplite 2 yes I said 2 times within 72 hours. I have never had such back and neck pain in my life. That was 12 yrs ago and I still stare into the rearview mirror at all stoplites now!!!

I love scary books-Steven King, John Carpenter etc. Also I do read Christian books, see the ironie in that! :lol::lol:

Let him baby you some now. After you are married you can do for him too. I am sure he does NOT see you as a burden.

Love Cindy

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So sorry you are in a bad way Melinda. Thank goodness you were'nt more seriously hurt. If I were you I would relax and let Geoff pamper you. You have done so much for your MIL, you really need a few days rest for yourself. Be well soon. Lots of love and prayers, Paddy

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