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niececola

My mom...

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Hello Friends,

By now, you have heard from Andrea that my dear mom passed away this past Saturday, August 28, 2004. Thank you Andrea, my sweet sister, for posting the terrible news.

I wanted to just update you all on the last week of my mom's life. She went into the hospital the week before on Saturday with terrible shortness of breath. She dreaded going back into the hospital b/c she knew then she would not get out again. She was right.

We tried desperately to bring her home, but we just couldn't. Home hospice care in NY is not all we thought it would be and we were just too nervous that we could not care for her the way she needed to be. Earlier in the week, she started talking about the end and her funeral, what she wanted to wear, what kind of flowers, that she wanted to be buried in "a wall" as she put it and not in the ground. It gave her comfort to talk about these things, she had accepted what was happening and was "ok" with her impending death. She starting asking for people to come in to say goodbye and she relived some wonderful memories with the family she loved so much. It broke my heart when she asked my cousin Kathleen to make sure her son Patrick remembered his Aunt Sharon. On Wednesday my Mom got a very unexpected visitor, Clover! The hospital ok'd a visit and I jumped on the chance, she was just overjoyed to see her dog and Clover could not be contained, she practically smothered my Mom! The visit did not last very long after that! :D

I spent every night, but one, with my Mom since Saturday. I was with her almost every minute, with the exception of 15 hours, the whole week. I bought her red velour jogging suit that she wanted to be buried in from Target. I felt a little bad the outfit was so cheap, but it was so beautiful and if she were still here today, it would probably be her favorite thing to wear. I am so blessed to have been able to do these things for my mom. I prayed every minute that I would be there with her in the end and I was. I fought so hard for everything all week, I really felt that I had not been there when my mom was laughing and feeling good and I was starting to feel sad about that, but all that changed in her last hours when she grabbed my hand so hard, I knew she knew I was there and she needed me. In the end, it was just my Dad and me and that was how it was meant to be.

The wake is today and the funeral tomorrow. As many of you know, I am just feeling empty and void of any emotion right now. I am only somewhat relieved that she is not longer suffering, I thought that feeling would be stronger, but it is not. The wake is just beautiful, the room is overflowing with flowers, she would have loved it. I made up a picture board of her, so many pictures from over the years and so many different hairstyles! I knew my mom like to change her hair, but never realized how many times! :D

Some of my friends have asked if I will leave this board now that Mom is gone. Absolutely not! I know some days I will not be able to come here b/c the pain will be too much, but there is no way I could leave for good. You have all gotten me through some of the darkest periods of my life over the last 11 months, 24 days, I am not sure how I would have made it without all of you. And when some of the grief passes, I am praying that I will be renewed and be able to take up the fight against this beast. Because I am mad, LC patients are overlooked and barely given a fighting chance and I hope to change that one day.

Blessings to you all,

Denise

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Guest bean_si (Not Active)

I'm sorry Denise for your loss. I'm glad that your mom got to see her dog - what a wonderful thing for the hospital to allow.

My prayers are with you and your family.

Cat

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Denise,

I am so sorry for your loss. Many of us on this board understand exactly what emotions you are feeling right now. Time is the only healer and just be patient with yourself through the time. Parents are very special people. My heart aches for you at such a sad time. We are here....

Kris

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Denise,

I hope it doesn't sound strange, but you were truly blessed to have had that last week with your mother. The way she prepared for the end was a gift of love that will comfort you in the weeks and months of grief you're now facing.

Thanks for sharing the experience. Your mom must have been a very special and loving woman, and I'm sorry she had to leave you.

Pam

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Thank you for that story, Denise. Your mother fought with bravery and with love, and this last week will bring you comfort someday. Not today though. But know that your family is in our thoughts and prayers. There will be brighter days ahead, but that is no comfort now. Please do stick with us to comfort us as well as be comforted by us.

Curtis

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Denise,

My prayers for comfort and peace are with you and all your family in this difficult time. May the knowledge that you cared so well for your Mom through this ordeal make your grieving more bearable. You have done for your Mom what anyone would want at the end of life...surrounded her with the love and care that she needed to be able to let go of the pain and find rest.

Margaret

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Denise....the picture I have of your mother in my mind....with that beautiful smile and a wonderful, soft red jogging suit is priceless. You are a wonderful daughter, she is a wonderful Mom

This is an incredibly painful time in our lifes....Moms and daughters...not too many things better.

We'll get through it because we were raised by incredible women....

Raising a glass (okay, it's a plastic Disney mug of coffee)

"Here's to strong women: May we know them, may we be them, may we raise them."

Bless you in your journey.....

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((Denise)))

My friend, for I think of you that way, I am so sorry for this terrible loss you have sustained. I pray you have the strength to face the days. However I am glad it was a peaceful and dignified ending and peace is a balm that will help along with time to heal your soul.

Blessings

Betty

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Dear Denise,

I am so sorry...I know how unbearable the pain is right now, it breaks my heart to see what this beast is doing to our loved ones..Please do stay with us, it helps when you can express how you feel and someone really knows what you and your beautiful family have been through...God Bless

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Denise,

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my mom alittle over a year ago and I

can relate to how you are feeling. I am glad the hospital allowed the dog a visit. I know how special pets are and the comfort they bring. My thoughts are with you and your family. Haylee

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Denise

Please remember that love never dies. Your mom will be with you always. I lost my mom forty years ago today, and she is with me still, so I know. I imagine your being with her at the end brought her comfort and strength.

Love and fortitude

elaine

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Denise,

I am so glad that you were there for your mom. I can only imagine your pain. I am speechless right now, but I want you to know how much I care about you and how honored I am to be your sister.

Anytime you want a break from it all you have a sister on the west coast who would love to take you to Disneyland or trot down Rodeo Drive. (Sorry for the plug, I just want to meet my sisters sometime ;) )

Oh, and that was so nice of the hospital to allow Clover in :)

I will talk t you soon. Please know how devestated we all are for you. My mom sends her love and prayers too.

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I'm so sorry Denise. YOu sound very much like me during those first few days. Remember that we are here, I am here, if you ever need a friend. My journey with my dad and lung cancer lasted 11 months and 21 days from diagnosis...it's normal to concentrate now on what has to be done...the emotions come later- and when they do, we will be here for you like you have been for all of us.

((HUG))

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It was so good that you got to spend the last week with your mom. It just seems like God blesses us us some strange ways, but now that she is gone, don't you feel at peace? When I lost my husband, I was so sad, but so happy for him that he was in heaven now with Jesus and NO MORE PAIN! Its just so hard to let go, but in the end it is a relief. I had to accept God's will and know that He knows what he is doing and most of all, trust God's words, they they whosoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. God Bless you, you are in my prayers.

Tess

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Denise,

Thanks for giving us a "snapshot" of the last days with your mother. You say she held your hand so hard, and I know that she was telling you what a wonderful daughter you were to her.

Sending prayers your way.

D

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denise,

your words are so eloquent. i know that your family is so proud of you. even though i have never had the chance to meet you, you have helped me so much throughout this past year. i cannot thank you enough. my prayers continue to be with you and your family at this most difficult time.

God bless you,

mj

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Dear Denise,

What a gift it was for you to be able to spend your Mom's final week with her, to talk about the way she wanted things and to show your love for one another. There is nothing happy about death but I do believe as others have said there is relief that their pain and struggle is finally over and they are with God. I am also a firm believer that time heals all wounds as I am healing day to day from my Brother's death. You too shall heal and your Mother will always be alive in your heart and memories. You will see here again when God calls you home. My prayers are with you and your family.

God Bless You All,

Jane

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