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kimblanchard

Halloween weekend

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We are having a dedication ceremony for Becky's scholarship at Trinity University on October 30. The time is yet to be determined. But I thought I would throw that out there for anybody who is interested in making their way to south Texas that weekend. It is also the weekend of our 10th reunion.

School being rolling again has forced me to work a little harder, which is nice. I didn't get all of my reading done for my accounting seminar, but I should be close to okay, anyway. And I had very nice dates with Alisa both on Sunday and tonight. Still very casual, but very sweet. I wrote her a little note about a James Taylor song that I thought spoke very much about our relationship in this time and place. Maybe I will post more on that tomorrow if anybody is interested. But for now, I must sleep. Wednesday is my longest day of class, with econometrics in the morning, the "brown bag" research group over lunch, three hours of accounting seminar in the afternoon, and linear algebra in the early evening. Just typing it is making me tired already. So bed beckons. Have a great night everyone.

Curtis

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Curtis,

I am interested and also interesetd in Alisa's reaction to it. When you post about your good times with Alisa it makes me happy to see how healthy you are being in your grieving, yet living at the same time if that makes sense.

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The song is September Grass by James Taylor. Here are the lyrics. I must run to class now, but I will talk more about it between my seminar and linear algebra later.

Curtis

September Grass

James Taylor

Well, the sun`s not so hot in the sky today

And you know I can see summertime slipping on away

A few more geese are gone, a few more leaves turning red

But the grass is as soft as a feather in a featherbed

So I`ll be king and you`ll be queen

Our kingdom`s gonna be this little patch of green

Won`t you lie down here right now

In this September grass

Won`t you lie down with me now

September grass

Oh the memory is like the sweetest pain

Yeah, I kissed the girl at a football game

I can still smell the sweat and the grass stains

We walked home together. I was never the same.

But that was a long time ago

And where is she now? I don`t know

Won`t you lie down here right now

In this September grass

Won`t you lie down with me now

September grass

Oh, September grass is the sweetest kind

It goes down easy like apple wine

Hope you don`t mind if I pour you some

Made that much sweeter by the winter to come

Do you see those ants dancing on a blade of grass?

Do you know what I know? That`s you and me, baby

We`re so small and the world`s so vast

We found each other down in the grass

Won`t you lie down with me right here

September grass

Won`t you lie down with me now

In this September grass

Lie down

Lie down

Lie down

Lie down

(repeat)

Won`t you lie down here right now

In this September grass

Won`t you lie down here now

In this September grass

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There are two parts of the song that I find really relevant to our relationshup as it develops. The first is how local the song is. Our time and space is so small in this world, but the key to being happy and grateful is found by hunkering down into this time and place. In remebering grass stains of old and creating new ones to savor later as well.

But the most interesting part of this song to me is the bridge:

Oh, September grass is the sweetest kind

It goes down easy like apple wine

Hope you don`t mind if I pour you some

Made that much sweeter by the winter to come

June grass is just as soft, luscious, and fragrant, but it is the September grass this is worth singing about because of the winter to come. Alisa and I have winter to come if we decide to pursue a relationship more seriously. We have serious mountains that we would have to climb. And maybe we will decide to not even try. Maybe we will try and fail. Maybe we will die trying. But also, just maybe the climbing will be the greatest accomplishments of our lives. Those decisions are for later. But last night was made so sweet because of the winter to come. The time we have carved out of our lives for each other does not dwell on the mountains, but it does acknowledge them.

That was the substance of the note I gave her, thanking her for carving our that time for me. After Katie went to bed, I poured us some apple wine and played her this song, and we had a quiet half hour to snuggle and smooch before she needed to head back to her grind. She had had a tough day, a very stressful meeting with the principal of her son's school, and it was nice to be able to see the stress fall away from her as we had a very cozy evening last night.

Her life is at an intensity I can barely fathom, and it is my goal to provide her a place with minimal expectations, a place to rest and rejuvenate. And I think I am doing a pretty decent job of that. I hope I am, anyway.

On Sunday, we had been to a bookstore, and we meandered about until we found an "interactive organizer," which basically was a regular daily planner except each week had a hypothetical statement on it. Like, "If you could have any view out your bedroom window, it would be ..." So we took this organizer over to the kids section and sat down on the steps over there and flipped through it, answering the hypotheticals we found interesting. It was so indulgently lazy, but a sweet way to spend a couple of hours.

So I think things are going as well as could be expected. She hasn't told me otherwise, for sure. Our relationship is like a lazy walk through the forest, enjoying each step along the way and getting lost in the moment. It is not terribly practical, and it can't be like that forever, but we don't worry about those things yet.

Curtis

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Curtis, an important point to remember is that both of yuo have such busy lives, filled with your kids, etc, so if it were not something special, neither of you would make time for the other :):)

Please keep us updated.

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Curtis,

I am glad you are moving on in your young life. I have been a widow for one month now, (I am 51) and I am not ready to even take off my wedding rings yet. I was only married for 3 years, (second marriage but the BEST) and we were together for six altogether. I know that someday I will take them off and move on, in fact I am looking forward to that. I hate being alone and lonely. I am so happy for you that you are going on with your life. I just feel that mine is at a standstill, but I know I must go on. You give me hope and make me remember that life does goes on. God Bless you and I hope that gal realizes what a great guy you really are. :D

Tess

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It is nice to meet you. Becky and I are both avid James Taylor fans; we saw him in concert six times over the years, the last time being for our fifth anniversary a month before Becky was diagnosed. That night was easily one of the happiest of my life. So it made it a little weird for me trotting out a James song for a new girlfriend. But the song is so meaningful to me and to where we are that I simply couldn't keep it to myself.

One of the things I have had a hard time balancing as I have started dating again is what is fair to bring forward. I don't want to compare women to Becky; after a few weeks how could anyone compare to a companion my entire adult life? It is not fair to anyone, including myself. But at the same time, I want to bring forward some of the things that made our marriage so great. The way we fought, for example, without bringing up old fights. The celebrations of half-birthdays. We started that because Christmas, our anniversary, and Becky's birthday were all within two weeks of one another. Having a set in stone time each week to be just the two of us, one of the real advantages of the flexible schedules university life affords. I want to do things that are inspired by our marriage, but also want to be wary of direct comparisons.

Did you see the post on Boatman, also by James Taylor, a few weeks back. I think it is in the stuck in a cess pool thread while I was in Orlando. My life definitely has a soundtrack, and it is liberally spiced with Harry Chapin and James Taylor.

Thanks for posting. And best wishes on your dating, too.

Curtis

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Don't worry about that wedding ring. It will come off or it won't at the right time. I don't think there is any schedule for that. I just got our wedding rings back yesterday. The display of them with our vows is just beautiful and hangs in the living room of the house. Katie was excited to see Mommy's ring again; she and Becky used to go through her jewelry box all the time. Becky was not big into jewelry, so there is nothing too valuable in there, so it is in Katie's room now but she knew the ring wasn't there. So it made it all the more special to get the rings back yesterday.

I never thought I would be in a relationship this soon; the number of events that have conspired to make it happen have convinced me that we are supposed to be part of each other's lives right now. To what purpose, I am not sure. But I do feel summoned to it, and I have learned not to question that feeling. When I started with the online dating, I viewed it more as an opportunity to communicate than as a desire for an actual relationship. I tried to make my profile as intimidating as possible in an attempt to scare the women off. It would have scared men off, but you gals are made of sterner stuff than we are. For the first month or so, it was just a chance to communicate. Doing the personality profiles and answering some of the questions made me think a lot about what moving on would mean and what I would be looking for in a future relationship.

Life does go on. It must. It would dishonor the fight of our spouses to quit living; I endorse the meaning of Becky's fight by trying to live as happily and gratefully as I can. But everyone's time schedule is different, so my advice would be not to press it. And maybe the world will conspire for you the way it has for me.

Warmly,

Curtis

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