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Needing to explain my absence.


Fall54

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Hi All,

I have not forgotten about any of you. I have wondered, but not come here. I have needed to deal with my grief and have decided that being here only occasionaly is all that I can handle to keep going forward. There was just to much sadness in my life and every time I thought about coming, I immediatly got a real hurt feeling inside but would come anyway. It also became harder to know what to say to people. I would hit post and then sit there and only look at the square I was suppose to be posting in but no words would come.

I definantly will check in and I definantly will come back as soon as I take care of me so I can be myself again for myself and for my family. My husband thinks I need grief counsiling and I agree that I might but without insurance I just cant go until and unless I know there is no other way. My husband says it doesnt matter what it costs that our health comes first. I know this but I want to try to conquer this with God's help.

My son was married this past Friday (the 10th) and I had a lot of family here from NC which has helped. They left this morning with the exception of my Mother who is staying until the 29th. Then I am going to fly back with her and visit the family that was unable to get the time to come here for the wedding and also attend another Brothers wedding on Oct 2nd. I think I need family (brothers, sisters Mother) to talk with and help me through this also. It may seem strange to some that it was 3 months yesterday the 11th since Alan left us and I am still so out of whack. I guess we were just too close and It has been so very hard.

I guess what I am trying to do is tell all of you that I think about you, worry about you and care very much about you and your loved ones but that for me and my loved ones I need to take coming here in small doses for now. I did not just drop out and go away. I am trying to recover and I will be back when I know how to help again. May God be with all of you and please know that I love you all.

God Bless you all,

Jane

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Oh Jane, I wish I could reach right through this computer to give you one very big HUG! You need to take as much time as you need to deal with your situation. The weddings and having family close by is sure to help, but I also think your husband is right about the counselling. Hope you can make it work. Take good care of yourself Jane.

David P.

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You give everyone so much through all your posts, Jane, that it's no wonder there is so little left for yourself. Three months is no time at all to heal such a deep wound, especially when you continue to give of yourself over and over. Thank goodness for a wedding and family around to remind you of all the love and joy which still surround you. Please do take some time to give more of that love to yourself and take the time to heal. We'll be thrilled when you're ready to come back.

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Jane,

I think you are doing the right thing by taking some time away. We all want to help you not make you feel worse. The counseling sounds like a good idea. You have been a real blessing to this board and I think of you often. I hope that the trip back home and having your mother with you for a while will help. Now is the time to take care of Jane. We'll all be waiting for you when you get back.

Nina

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I agree with everything everyone else has said. Take time for you. You are in our thoughts and prayers whether you are posting or not, and we will be here for you whenever you can return.

I am a big advocate of counselling. I think most of the time it can be very successful. But it is expensive. Is there a support community in your area? Sometimes churches will have grief counselling. Or maybe your pastor can provide some less formal support. And then if those things don't help, maybe you can try something more formal.

Take care of you, and we look forward to seeing more of you when you feel up to it.

Curtis

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hi jane,

there is no need to "explain your absence." we really enjoy your company here, but take all the time you need to take care of yourself and your family. i'm grateful to you for your advice and kindness. congratulations on your son's wedding too. please take care.

God bless,

mj

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Dear Jane,

It is not strange at all that you are "out of whack after 3 months." I am still out of whack after almost 13 months..Everything is still so new to you, really 3 months is not a long time to be grieving..

I know the feeling of sitting and staring at the boards when the words will not come to me, but every once in a while someone will post something and I feel like I need to tell them, its okay and you are okay, I feel like I need to tell you its okay and you're okay..Your faith is strong and God will guide you..All of us that have lost our dear loved ones to this disease know your pain and understand, and you're right you have to get "you" better..Its hard I know, I pray that we all can heal and find the peace we are so desparately seeking..

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Jane-

Take some time for you, we'll be here when you are ready to come back. Get some rest, cry a few tears, spend time with your family!

I always enjoyed snuggling with my kids on the couch and just looking at their faces, not talking, just looking at them while I held them. That always seems to calm and relax me.

Good luck!

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JANE, it's been such a short time....

Like Cathy, it's been 12 months for me and I am STILL out of wack...don't know if I will ever be "normal" again, but I have adjusted somewhat to my "ew normal."

You need time for you and if you need to be away---GO and take care of you.

We love you and I am sending my prayers for you and your family some comfort and peace.

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Jane, I so appreciate you taking the time to let us know how you are doing. Thanks much. You take whatever time you need to get through the grief. I lost my sister in 1993 and my brother in 1998, and am now alone, the last of the siblings. Time heals, but we never forget, and we have a place in our hearts always for them. Godspeed. Don

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Dear Jane,

I sometimes feel like a so called expert when it comes to grieving issues being I have lost so many of my close family members. I will share with you that you need to let your emotions run their course my dear. It'a all part of the grieving process. There is NO RIGHT OR WRONG to this. It's all so EARLY for you to feel any differently then your feeling. It's very painful and sad when we lose a loved one. In Minnesota a LOT of the funeral homes offer grief sessions, (CHEAP or even FREE)! You might have that in your area and you might want to look into it. I did that 17 years ago after I lost my mom and it did help some. But, the turth is, it takes time! And like you said, it's only been (THREE MONTHS) sense you lost your wonderful brother. Don't be so hard on yourself, it will all work out and you'll be oaky! It does get softer as time goes on.

((((((((((JANE))))))))))))

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Jane, it's not a prison here, we all understand, we all need to get away from this thing and not let it dictate how we live our lives. You have always been supportive to us all and know that you need to get on with your life. I find it hard to come back here too because of the saddness it brings when we lose those we come to know. We do want and need your support but you must do what is good for you now. When you have found peace and comfort and are able to deal with this again, please come back. We are thankful for your support.

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