kimblanchard Posted September 16, 2004 Share Posted September 16, 2004 Katie and I are headed to Austin Saturday; I am very excited about it. I have gotten out of going to a wedding with my college friend Becky. (Too many Becky's and Katie's in my life right now for pronouns to work effectively; it is tough when even the antecedents are ambiguous) Anyway, I will get to see Becky before the wedding starts on Saturday morning, but mainly this is an excuse to get to Austin to see Becky's mom. I don't think we've seen her since June, which is too long to go. She has been working most weekends, and with all the trips I have been making, we haven't hooked up in too long. I am nervous because it is the first time I have been up there since I have started dating. I sent Georgene an e-mail about Alisa the first week we were dating. I just wanted her to hear this from me - my mother tells the whole world everything, and they don't talk too often, but you just never know about her. I told her I had started seeing someone and that it wasn't serious but that it potentially could be, and a little bit about Alisa and what makes her so attractive to me, and how I really thought being able to date again was a tribute to the love Becky and I shared. I never got a reply to that e-mail, which made me sad. I guess it is a good thing that I didn't get a "how could you, you heartless b*stard" reply. But I waited and waited, hoping to hear something back and I never did. So I called and talked to her last week, organizing the time frame for this weekend, and she was completely pleasant. So I am looking forward to this trip, but I am nervous. Lord knows I am not "over" Becky; I don't even know what that would mean. And so I think it will be good for Georgene to see that. So anyway, think good thoughts for me this weekend. Between meeting Alisa's children on Friday and seeing Georgene on Saturday, it is going to be an emotional weekend, I am sure. Two straight days of being on my best behavior, which is just about my limit. Curtis Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-Cheryl- Posted September 16, 2004 Share Posted September 16, 2004 Curtis, This will not be an easy trip for you or Georgene. I mean think about it, you and Katie are all Grandma has left of Becky in the physical sense. Georgene cannot court another daughter. And the reality of Becky's death will seem so real when you see old photos and Georgine's face smiling back you. It will not be an easy weekend for anyone involved. I am so impressed that you are taking Katie to see Grandma. You have shown me just how important Katie is to you. Always put her first my friend. That beautiful little girl created by you and Becky is a blessing from God. Never foresake this beautiful treasure. Sincerely, Cheryl Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimblanchard Posted September 16, 2004 Author Share Posted September 16, 2004 This relationship is going to be the hardest for me to maintain. Georgene and I have very little in common. That is not true, of course, we have Becky and Katie in common. But she is into home improvement and gardening and antiquing. I am into sports and politics and books. And so we each have to make an effort to do this, and so I want to make that first step. I have always wished that Becky's family would have grown closer to mine. My mom and dad's families have always been very close, but Georgene and Charley each live very private lives and so it is tough for me to understand it and try to make sure they remain part of our lives. The dynamics are very different, and they always have been, but it is tougher now because Becky always understood it so much better than I do. But I will always make the effort. Curtis Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-Cheryl- Posted September 16, 2004 Share Posted September 16, 2004 Just know that it is for Katie's sake. It will give Katie a chance to know her mother in a different light, and be a big help to you too. You are a better man for it. You don't have to like it, Ha! I think you will win her respect. You now have mine. Cheryl Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeckyCW Posted September 16, 2004 Share Posted September 16, 2004 Curtis, you do have a challenging weekend ahead, it sounds like. I'm sure you will come through with flying colors, and that Katie will love seeing her grandmother as much as Becky's mom will love seeing her. I hope all goes well and that there are no painful misunderstandings. You were a wonderful husband to Becky, and her mom must know that you would give anything to have her back, just as she would. You have quite a tightrope to walk! BeckyCW Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jo_lanier Posted September 17, 2004 Share Posted September 17, 2004 I only have one piece of advice. Under no circumstances mention the new girlfriend and her kids at all. Let your wife's mom bring it up if she wants. Then and only then should you talk about it. AND don't gush on and on about her and how pretty she is and so on. I guess that would be two pieces of advice, yes? Best of luck! I don't envy you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimmek Posted September 17, 2004 Share Posted September 17, 2004 Curtis Double ditto to what Jo has just said. From my own experience after my husband passed away 8 yrs ago, the in laws for some reason expect you to be faithful for ever. I dont understand this or agree with it, but for Katies sake and her future relationship with her grandparents, I would not mention the new girlfreind. Just an opinion. Have a great weekend Kim Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remembering Dave Posted September 17, 2004 Share Posted September 17, 2004 Ha!! You have too many Becky's and I have too many Karens, 2 of my close coworkers are named Karen. 1 was my last cube mate and at one time both Karens and I were to share a cube......jeeze. I will be sending my prayers your way. This will be a tough weekend but maybe easier than you think. I am so glad you are taking katie to see Becky's parents. Karen (my Karen) had a close cousin who dies and his widow avoids his parents and it tears their heart out that they cannot be a part of their lives and these ae some sweet people (the parents). Have a safe trip. David C Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimblanchard Posted September 17, 2004 Author Share Posted September 17, 2004 The more I think about it, the more I think there are too few Beckys in my life rather than too many. One of the main points for me is communicating that dating Curtis is still Curtis. That Katie's needs are primary. That I am being faithful to Becky precisely because I am dating again. I am not planning on rubbing her nose in it, and I don't think it even needs mentioning her name. Curtis Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remembering Dave Posted September 17, 2004 Share Posted September 17, 2004 Curtis, I wish you could talk to my Aunt Mary. Dave mentioned my cousin who died's sweet parents. That would be Aunt Mary. Aunt Mary and Uncle Bud lost their 38 year old daughter Cindy (Faith is named Cynthia Faith after her) to breast cancer. She and her husband had three small children. The husband is a jerk and started dating a girl he picked up in a bar not three months after Cindy died and they eventually got married. The new wife now makes every effort in the world to keep my Aunt involved in her grandchildren's lives. We all thought she would end up being the Evil Stepmother but so far she is the best thing that could have happened to Aunt Mary and Uncle Bud. They live four hours apart so don't actually see the kids all that much (too involved in soccer, etc. etc.) but the new wife makes sure there's a weekly phone calls, sends photos and email all the time with news on the kids. Now, another of their children, one of their sons, my dear cousin Mark, committed suicide 18 months after his sister died. He was on his second marriage (a VERY dysfunctional one) and had a young daughter with this wife. This wife is very very strange to begin with, long story, but she avoids my aunt and uncle like the plague. but then again she avoids everyone like the plague. she has some sort of mental problem for sure, has never had a job, is very isolated from the world, never answers the telephone, I mean never . . . lives up in the mountains about two hours from my aunt and uncle. they've even made arrangements go to visit and passed this woman driving down the road away from her house as they approached the house for a visit. Anyway, if anyone has been in Georgeanne's place it's my Aunt Mary. She could give you some good advice on how to approach this. But I will tell you right now, that the MOST IMPORTANT thing, no matter if you are dating, remarried, or a loner, is to make sure Katie sees plenty of that grandmother, plenty, and that you keep plenty of communication open with her. Aunt Mary grieves the loss of her son but also the loss of her granddaughter, who has been made very inaccessible to her. She plays with the idea of getting legal help and seeing about what her grandparental rights are, but then again that would be more emotional stress where there is plenty already. Hang in there Curt, I know you will always do the right thing. You're that kind of guy. Karen P.S. you're right, you need at least one more Becky in your life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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