I feel an aching in my heart today

[DollyPardonMe]

This morning we have funeral services for my beloved husband, Kirby. He was only 51 years old and I feel devastated. I loved him with my entire heart and soul. My sister-in-law has made an appointment for me to talk to a counselor at Gilda's Club on Monday. I'm hoping someone can help me find the answers. During his sickness I got a lot of good information on this board and would highly recommend it to anyone. I feel lost and somewhat bewildered.

[kimblanchard]

Oh, sweet lady, I don't know what to say that would help. And I want to help so badly but I don't want to get in the way. I think the counsellor will be a big help, but there is still getting to Monday, and even past that ...

Is someone there with you? It is so fresh and raw, allow yourself to talk and never mind what you say - anything - you have been traumatized and must be altered, at least for the moment. Cry - whatever. All that you need to.

I haven't suffered what you have suffered - I don't know - but others here do know and they can help more. The losses I have suffered - the pain was lessened because in my beliefs, they were not really gone. I believe in an afterlife strongly enough - that for me they are not gone.

Please stay in touch with all of us. People can help and people want to know how you are.

I wish I could say more but I just don't have the words. I am so sorry this has come to you. It may be no comfort at all right now, but in my beliefs, in only a little while you will be with him again. You are here, do what you need to do, honor your life and his, and when the time comes, he will be waiting for you.

Love, Margaret

[ginnyde]

Dear Dolly,

My dear sweet Earl died a month ago today. I miss him with every cell of my body and heart. I have started a 5 minute rule. I can cry, scream, yell, rant, whatever for 5 minutes at a time. If you do it for longer, it becomes overwhelming.

Does it get better, not sure yet, but it is starting to get different. Different because I don't look for him when I come in the door type of different, if that makes sense.

I also am keeping busy, busy, busy. Like today, I got a manicure and ran errands this morning, went to my grandson's birthday party this afternoon and have another grandson here tonight while his parents are out.

Mornings are my worst. The shower and the car are the places I cry the most but you never know when you just fill up. I wave my fingers in front of my eyes, I look like an idiot but it helps me get control.

I have also developed some mantras. I say Earl a million times a day. And when I finish my 5 minute cry, I repeat 'It is what it is'. I can't change what happened (although I would give up all to undo what has happened) and I can't and know Earl would not want me to live my life in total grief. I have a wonderful family and friends and I can't overburden them with my grief. I will miss him and love him forever. I will honor his memory and keep his vision alive for his children and grandchildren.

PM me if you would like to talk more. This is so new for you (and for me). We have to figure out how to live this new life. But we will.

Love,

[J.C.]

Dolly,

Sorry but I am not good with written words.

I lost my husband 11 months ago, this month was the

first month I was not alone on the date of his death

and that helped me.

Nobody can have the same kind of grief of know

exactly how another person may feel after losing

the love of their life.

I do like Ginny, I keep busy and more BUSY,

I still talk to my husband all the time, aloud or silently,

but I keep him alive in my mind and in my heart.

I still cry, very often, that I can't help, but the tears

are not as bitter as I think of him not hurting anymore

and that he is still with me and helping me all the time.

The counselling may do you good, I did not want any,

but I know many people that got the help they wanted

and feel a lot better by having it.

Love

J.C.

[paddy]

So sorry Dolly, my heart goes out to you. I know some day I may have to face this and how one gets the strength to go on I don't know. Ginny is such a sweet and strong lady, please do PM her. Perhaps the two of you can help each other.

Love,

Paddy

[stand4hope]

Dolly,

My heart is aching for you. I have no special words to share. All I can say is that I am so sorry for your pain, and I will pray that it will get better for you sooner rather than later.

All my love,

Peggy

[hollyridge]

I am so very sorry. I know what you are going through. Just be very careful to take good care of your self. This is such a very difficult time. Please PM me if you need help.

[mirrell]

dolly,

i don't know if things get better, but they do get easier. there is no time line for grief, and it is so different for everybody. i spent the first year and a half drunk after my father passed away, and was drunk while he was sick as well. my point is, we all deal with grief in different ways and there is no right or wrong way. my mom went to a grief support group that was organized through the hospital for 2 months. they still see each other once a month, but after the period of two months they had to initiate the meetings. you are not alone dolly. i wish you strength during this difficult time and know we are feeling and crying with you.

mirrell

[Snowflake]

Dolly,

I don't think there are any answers, there just aren't any words...

This is a time when actions speak so much louder - reading words versus someone actually holding you tightly and letting you cry...and cry...and speak...and cry...and remember...and cry...

I wish I could be there for you personally, wish I could actually give you my shoulder and not just a virtual hug. Counseling should help you to some degree, help you to manage your way through the grief, but nothing will lessen it until the band on your heart loosens up.

I am so sorry your journey has led here.

Becky

Becky

[cathy]

(((DOLLY)))

[norme]

Dolly, I sure don't have the words of wisdom but I can say that it has been 7 months since I lost Buddy and it has not been easy. I have tried to keep myself very busy as my family and friends have been extremely helpful. Even with all of this help, one is alone with one's thoughts sometimes more than we need to be. Sometimes I sit and think of all the great times we had. How fast life goes by. Tears come but they are not as bad as they use to be. Sadness is hard to get through but we do somehow. I am just glad it was me left here for I know Buddy would have had a worse time being left then me and that does help a little knowing the good Lord knew what he was doing.. Sometimes I talk to him and sure wish he could answer. Sometimes it is like he was never here. Like it was one big dream that past life. I guess if it wasn't for our son I might just think that. These next few months will be hard and lonely no matter how many people are around you but know that we widows/widowers are here and know exactly how you feel. God Bless

[Ann]

I can only say that I am very sorry for your pain and I know what you are going through. The days ahead will bring many challenges but keep close to your friends and family and talk every chance you get. It really helps to get all these feelings your are dealing with off your chest. I am praying that God will grant you peace and strength through this difficult time. My husband was 50 when I lost him, so I can definitely relate to many of your feelings right now. Please let me know if I can help. I'm a good listener!