mirrell Posted September 19, 2004 Share Posted September 19, 2004 it will soon be two years since my father died. and in the words of mike myers, i have been so completely devestated i didn't even know how devestated i was. the past few years has been filled with alot of heartache, alot of anger, alot of bitterness...........and a lot of mistakes/regrets. and there is no way i think i am over that mountain yet. however the past few months i have been coming alive again. the most influential thing i think is a trip to turkey that my husband, me and my mother took just a month ago. it has been essential but hard to spend alot of time with my mom since my dad died. it was especially hard for me to see her upset. during our trip to turkey, i think she had a phenomenal uplift. and although she is still grieving i think she knows now that it is going to be possible to have fun, to have a life, to be excited about something again. you could see her confidence growing during the course of the trip, and it was so wonderful to see. and this of course, affected me. so much so, that i have just begun to talk to my sister who i have not spoken to in almost three years. i became so angry when my father was diagnosed and i directed alot of it at her. i talked to her last night for the first time, and this is what she told me: when she visited me 3.5 years ago in korea, we went to this restaurant where she picked up one of their package of matches. since that time she has moved, moved offices, cleaned, etc. in april, she went to her office and in front of my dads picture was THAT pack of matches. i think it was my dad........and i'm keeping my eyes open! i ran the terry fox run today in korea. i didn''t have a great time, but i'm hoping to improve it on the next run i participate in. sure do miss my dad, and still think about him every day, and in all my dreams he still has cancer. but i am healing, it doesn't mean i have to forget.....................mirrell Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathy Posted September 19, 2004 Share Posted September 19, 2004 Mirrel, Its good to hear from you...Your post was very soothing..I too have a sister that I dont talk too since my dear father passed.. Its weird but I feel like I am waiting for something not sure what but I am waiting for something to happen so I can talk to her..I miss her and her family, its a long story..Any way its so good to hear that you are beginning to heal...Take care.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Debaroo Posted September 21, 2004 Share Posted September 21, 2004 Mirrell, I was so glad to see your post, to see that you are doing alright. I have been thinking of messaging you, or posting a "Where are you Mirrell" post. The trip to Turkey sounds like something that was needed, and timely. I think that healing is a great word for it. The loss will always be there, but we can't feel guilty for allowing ourselves to enjoy our lives, and I don't think your father would want you or your mother to go on living without LIVING. It takes time, and is different for everyone. I hope that you continue to heal, and enjoy life-what a great gift to honour your father that you took your mom to Turkey and were so wonderfully affected. I hope you continue on this path. The hurt never goes away, but I think it makes more and more room for the happy. Deb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mirrell Posted September 22, 2004 Author Share Posted September 22, 2004 thanks deb and cathy, i may not have posted alot over the last few months, but i have been here. i don't think i could ever leave. cheers, mirrell Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiny Posted September 25, 2004 Share Posted September 25, 2004 Mirrell- Good to hear from you and to know that you and your mom seem to be on the road to recovery...it is a long, hard process. I know you'll always miss your dad and grieve for him in your own way, but it is good to see you taking joy where you can--your dad would have wanted it thus. Blessings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fay A. Posted October 20, 2004 Share Posted October 20, 2004 Mirrell, It's good ot hear from you again. I hope that as time passes you and your Mom will be able to have more experiences like your trip to Turkey. Glad you and your sister are trying to find your way back to one another. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mirrell Posted October 21, 2004 Author Share Posted October 21, 2004 thanks fay and tiny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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