Elaine Posted September 23, 2004 Share Posted September 23, 2004 Three things: First, I DID NOT EDIT THIS JOKE. I FOUND IT AS-IS. Second, I hope it doesn't offend anyone, but I couldn't resist. Third, now we know why Frank stopped to put on his sneakers that night in the tent, ROFL. Frank was excited about his new rifle and decided to try bear hunting. He travels up to Alaska, spots a small brown bear and shoots it. Right afterwards, there was a tap on his shoulder and he turned around to see a big black bear. The black bear said, "That was a very bad mistake. That was my cousin and I'm going to give you two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have sex." After considering briefly, Frank decided to accept the latter alternative. So the black bear has his way with Frank. Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Frank soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip back to Alaska where he found the black bear and shot it dead. Right afterwards, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him. The grizzly said, "That was a big mistake, Frank. That was my cousin and you've got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have rough sex." Again, Frank thought it was better to cooperate with the grizzly bear than be mauled to death. So the grizzly has his way with Frank. Although he survived, it took several months before Frank fully recovered. Now Frank is completely outraged, so he headed back to Alaska and managed to track down the grizzly bear and shoot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then moments later, there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there. The polar bear looked at him and said, "Admit it Frank, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?" http://64.233.167.104/search?q=cache:YR ... lr=lang_en Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ry Posted September 23, 2004 Share Posted September 23, 2004 ROFL...Oh you really should have saved this one till October cause this would have won us that month too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted September 23, 2004 Share Posted September 23, 2004 Now that's funny! I was wondering about Frank (the one in the story, of course) myself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nushka Posted September 24, 2004 Share Posted September 24, 2004 Frank, Those must have been pretty sexy bears. Nina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank Lamb Posted September 24, 2004 Share Posted September 24, 2004 They may have been Bares too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elaine Posted September 24, 2004 Author Share Posted September 24, 2004 I KNOW I HAVE TO TALK REAL LOUD BECAUSE FRANK IS IN ALASKA, AND ALASKA IS FARTHER AWAY FROM ME THAN PA IS. FRANK, I USUALLY HATE TO HAVE TO BE THE ENGLISH TEACHER, BEINGS I MAKE A LOT OF TYPOS MYSLEF, BUT BARE IS NOT A NOUN. BARE IS AN ADJECTIVE. ADJECTIVES DESCRIBE THINGS (NOUNS). HERE IS AN EXAMPLE: BEARS ARE BARE--AS IN THEY DON'T WEAR ANY CLOTHES, WHICH IS WHY THEY HAVE ALL THAT CUDDLY FUR YOU LOVE-- 'COS IT'S COLD UP THERE WHERE THEY LIVE. THAT'S WHY YOU DON'T VACATION IN HAWAII--NO BEARS! I WONDER HOW LOUD I WOULD HAVE TO TALK IF YOU WERE IN HAWAII. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Ry Posted September 24, 2004 Share Posted September 24, 2004 Frank, Do not wear that cowboy hat when hunting bears. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nushka Posted September 25, 2004 Share Posted September 25, 2004 John ROFLMAO!!!!! Love the hat thing...that may have been what got him into trouble after all. Nina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TeeTaa Posted September 25, 2004 Share Posted September 25, 2004 This is the best joke and subsequent string of messages I've seen in a while! thanks for piling up all those points for us, Elaine! TeeTaa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank Lamb Posted September 25, 2004 Share Posted September 25, 2004 Tee Taa,Yes Elaine has been compiling a lot of points for the women.So many in fact I heard thru the grapevine that Papa Bear,Momma Bear, and a whole lotta other Bears would like to meet Elaine.LOL. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowflake Posted September 26, 2004 Share Posted September 26, 2004 Lordy, FRANK's trying to make Elaine his Pimp Mama! Elaine - you're going to need a diamond pinky ring and a purple fur coat to your knees...oh yeah, and at least one gold tooth! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elaine Posted September 26, 2004 Author Share Posted September 26, 2004 Welp, I found my pimp attire, something a little more persuasive to bears, I hope: http://www.funfolly.com/h/mascots/c1664.htm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elaine Posted September 27, 2004 Author Share Posted September 27, 2004 It was a busy night, but I managed to put together quite a harem for Frank: http://www.akrondesign.com/Mascots/mary ... ears4.html Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowflake Posted September 27, 2004 Share Posted September 27, 2004 Holy cow, Elaine! Those be some expensive "friends" and "escorts"! SHEESH! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank Lamb Posted September 27, 2004 Share Posted September 27, 2004 Elaine,Those are amazing,hard to believe they cost sooo much.Quite a wardrobe.Doesn't everyone adore a cuddly little bear??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elaine Posted September 27, 2004 Author Share Posted September 27, 2004 Frank Well first I had to get them tested for communicable diseases, then I had to get them their shots, then I had to get them a manicure, a pedicure, groomed, some wanted clothes, some wanted cologne, some wanted season tickets to to the Steelers...... But nothing but the best for you, Frank. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TeeTaa Posted September 27, 2004 Share Posted September 27, 2004 With prices like that, I want to be the pimp! And I just love the "Good Ole Boy Bear" - but $1128?? Most good ole boys I know only cost a six-pack of Bud and a pack o' Redman. TeeTaa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank Lamb Posted September 27, 2004 Share Posted September 27, 2004 Tee Taa,That's about what good ole boys go for around here too.Must be National Market Value ?? Huh??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elaine Posted September 27, 2004 Author Share Posted September 27, 2004 Katha, Check out the cute butt on Grandpa--he's a steal for only 990.00 Bruce Bear looks a little plain, but Frank thinks he's GRrrrrrreat!! http://www.akrondesign.com/Mascots/mary ... ears4.html Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TeeTaa Posted September 27, 2004 Share Posted September 27, 2004 Nope - Gramps' cute butt is actually $1059. It's Bruce who's the cheap one at $990. But does that surprise anyone? (Sorry, Bruce - I couldn't resist!) TeeTaa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luvmydog2 Posted September 27, 2004 Share Posted September 27, 2004 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elaine Posted September 27, 2004 Author Share Posted September 27, 2004 It's Ok Bruce, we can get you an outfit, any outfit you want, and then we can raise the price. Don't cry! Fireman bear? Policeman Bear? President of the USA Bear? Don't blame me, lol. Frank turned me into a Pimp Mama! elaine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.