I am angry and hurt- need guidance!

[-Cheryl-]

I am so upset right now that I don't know what to do! My boss asked to meet with me privately, then he asks me if I think that I am menatally competent to do my job!!!! I told him that of course I am competent and could do my job. Though I do get tired, that doesn't take away from my ability to see patients. The tears are flowing right now.

I told him that I would step down if I couldn't do my job. I asked him how he came to that conclusion? He wouldn't say, only that I had missed a meeting ( on my birthday my sisters took me out to lunch, ad no one told me about the meeting. It was my first day back after surgery) He also told me I missed two appointmnts one day, again I make my appts. People will say they have an appt. and just show up. Right day, wrong date, happens all of the time. That is it. I admitted that chemo can make one feel exhausted and in a bit of a fog, but that was short lived. It does not make me mentally incompetent. I am so hurt. I feel like this one employee (who doesn't have her license and won't for 2 years)

is undermining me to get my job, like my disease is an opportunity for her. I am sickened because I supervised her as a student.

I got upset and told my boss that my cancer has not compromised my ability as a therapist or a Director of Children's Services. I told him that I had an attorney and my job was protected. He said not if you aren't doing it competently. Then he said, I just wanted to meet with you and see how you were doing. Somebody was waiting to see him and he excused himself.

What are my legal options and what can I do to protect myself. My job is my insurance, I am so sick and saddened by this. It was a shock, what should I do? I know this employee threw me under the bus.

Cheryl

[Snowflake]

Cheryl,

First, you need to breathe....calm down....breathe in and out ten times - all the way in, all the way out... (normally I say five, but you could use the extra, you're really worked up)

Got the breathing done? Make sure you're by yourself, and swear a blue streak at the top of your lungs! Okay, I feel better cuz I've made someone else cuss...

Now, your job. There are people on here that can give you a wealth of information on the Americans with Disabilities Act. This would apply to you, I'm sorry to say (not sorry that you have a leg to stand on, sorry that cancer has put you in that position).

Take some notes of everything your boss said while it's fresh in your mind and call your attorney. According to the HR department where I work, if you are not able to do your job, you are entitled to disability. BUT, Cheryl, if you ARE doing your job, and are NOT having a problem with it, talk to your attorney about your rights to sue the boss for emotional distress...

Here are my thoughts on the "shortcomings" you listed. I have a counselor and I've been in positions to schedule my own meetings, etc. Counselors keep pretty good records due to legal issues, updating client files, etc. Where I go, when given an appointment slip, the client has to SIGN it and take it to the front desk to get an appointment card...

I don't think you would have missed anything you put on your schedule, nor do I think you would have missed putting anything on your schedule. Why? Because you KNOW your head is foggy and you are over compensating for it! I find myself becoming obsessive-compulsive with my DRIVING when my head feels foggy. I stop at least twice at a stop sign to be sure that I didn't just ignore that big red octagon... If the scheduling SNAFU has happened before, try to remember who/when and get it documented (or find the files it's noted in for YOUR CYA file).

You DO have legal rights here, I'm sure of it, I'm just not an attorney. I've been in contact with medical, HR and my boss about performance since the normal multi-tasking has been beyond my grasp for about six months now... I don't think they're in any hurry to get rid of me, though, since they'll have to "pay for me forever"...

Hang in there, Cheryl. You know that the best place to "break" is at home or on the board. Drop your load anytime....

My question to you is, are YOU seeing a counselor? It couldn't hurt to have someone else's view since sometimes a person can be too close to the "problem" to see what they need to help themselves...

So, call your attorney. Bust the boss' 'nads if you have to... and reach out from under that bus and pull that snake under the flippin' WHEELS!

Love,

Becky

[Debi]

Cheryl,

I feel for you and wanted to let you know I'm in your corner over here...

I have been having trouble at work too with my new boss and I feel my days are limited. This isn't about me, but I wanted to let you know what I did. The minute that I knew he was out to "get" me and had actually tried to get me fired behind my back, I went to the HR person and said that I felt I was being discriminated against because 1) I was a woman (this guy is a total sexist) 2) I had cancer. This way, instead of sitting there paralyzed in fear like I had been, I felt at least I was fighting back instead of just sitting there waiting for the tap on my shoulder. And I also sent a politically correct message back to him that he better cross his t's and dot his i's if he was trying to get rid of me....

Also, Snowflake hit the nail on the head with the American with Disabilities Act. You can actually find all the info you need online by putting THAT in your browser. And if I'm not mistaken, I heard one of the reasons my boss has had such a hard time getting rid of ME is there is no documentation anywhere of anything against me. In order for someone to fire you without fear of a lawsuit, they have to have a paper trail.

I know that this is the last thing you need Cheryl. I also know that you have been a hard worker there, I tell people about the fact that you went back to work after surgery last year, what was it? 2 weeks I think!! It really sucks to be thrown under the bus, and it is a shame that it has been done to you after you have worked so hard for them.

[Snowflake]

Cheryl,

I was going to send this to you as a PM but thought that it may help out others (since there are many of us struggling at work while struggling with "The Big 'C'"). I received a PM from someone that cannot post on this string with thoughts on your situation:

I will tell you that, in our state, if a person is an "at-will" employee, i.e., somebody like me who doesn't have an employment contract they can fire me for any reason, however, when ADA gets involved it's a whole different story because you're talking federal, not state law. Discrimination against someone with a disability is a very serious matter, whether an exempt or nonexempt employee. She does have rights and if they are smart, they better be careful. The advice you gave her was good. She needs to document everything in detail, and she also needs to be careful that she doesn't really do anything that would appear "incompetent". When another employee starts to kick you under the table, it can get to be a he said, she said, and her case could also fall apart. You know what I mean. If I said anything here that you would like to cut and paste, please do so, but don't say where you got it or even hint. I know she's crushed.

Cheryl, I hope you can smash the ball right back into his court. I KNOW you don't need this extra CRAP loaded on your already full plate and to have to expend valuable energy in a fight to keep your job is ridiculous. Please let me know if I can help you in any way...

Becky

[Ry]

Cheryl~

ADA or not, discrimination is still discrimination. Document everything, keep a paper trail. Document the conversation with your boss. Also, if others have missed appointments, meetings, etc and nothing has happened, document that. I am sure your attorney will tell you all of this.

Now I am still working on how to get back at the little back stabber in your office...

Hang in there..Cheryl, we got your back..

Rochelle

[luvmydog2]

Cheryl, Ry and Debi can go TP her house if you like. I might even help them. Debi has a new vehicle and if she will swing through TN on her way to MI I will join the party. Perhaps Fay can send some chickens her way.

Sorry you have to endure this but keep your head high and your nose clean. Don't make the mistake that I did. When my FML ran out my boss said he was going to have to make a decision. I told him I went to dr in 2 weeks and would return but I did need time off (1/2 day twice week) for re-hab. Home office had terminated me with the phrase that I might be eligable for re-hire. Anyway, I handed him my keys and told him I would help him make a decision...I QUIT. Had I known about my rights under Disability Act, I would have went back and rode out the storm. He was so concerned about me during surgery that he wanted ME back. Yea right. Waiting for his chance.

Got carried away here. Not about me but about you. As others have said...watch your P and Q's. Good luck and keep us posted.

[stand4hope]

Hang in there, Cheryl. I hope you're feeling better today. The advice you've been given here should help should you have a problem with your employment.

About the back-stabber: I know this will be a hard thing to do, but I suggest you ask her to have lunch or at a minimum meet with her in a private office or conference room and talk to her about it. Tell her what has happened, how you feel, that you are hurt, and you know, the stuff that would be necessary to get it out in the open. You will probably cry, but that isn't all bad. A lot of times the hurter doesn't see the hurtee as a real person with feelings. I can't guarantee that this will work, but it usually does. I've had to go through this a few times during my long working career, and it usually helps a lot. A couple of times, we had to have a "higher up" attend with us because the anger and tension between us was too emotional for a one-on-one. It doesn't sound like you and this woman have had a face-to-face blowout, so if you decide to talk to her, you should be able to pull this off without a mediator. I realize that you may not have anything definite to "pin on her" as the troublemaker, but you don't need to. Just tell her that you "feel like" she doesn't like you or is out to get you, or whatever words are comfortable for you, without accusing her.

Best of luck, honey!!

Love,

Peggy

[Fay A.]

I wish I could say "I can't believe this.", but unfortunately I can. And I am very sorry that this is happening. You've received some excellent advice on documenting everything in a "CYA" file. I know how time consuming and distressing having to do this is, but it is a necessary evil in today's world.

I guess I would be insisting that all official office notification be sent in writing in documentable form. Proof that the notification was sent and received by you, and not someone claiming that you received it.

(((((Cheryl))))))

[mhutch1366]

Cheryl, sweetie,

You sure don't need this.

Stinks.

All I can add is Document , Document, Document.

I hate to live that way too, but that's what it takes to CYA.

Document EVERYTHING. Document the documents.

And Cheryl, please don't let it rob you of well needed rest at night.

Leave the whole mess in God's lap. He'll be up all night anyway.

Why are there such backstabbers in the world????

Good luck,

XOXOXOXOXOX

Prayers always,

MaryAnn

[kimblanchard]

Cheryl -

This is one of biggest fears even with fighting cancer. I think that the others have offered very good advice. Document, Document, Document!!!! I know that it is a hassle and may not seem as the best use of your time given your workload and treatment schedule but it is only way to protect yourself.

I work for a large insurance co. as a part time project manager. We have been through cutbacks (layoffs) on an annual basis for the past 4 years plus it is a very political organization. So who you know is more important than what you know. With WBR starting on Monday, I fear that too many slow responses and I am out of there. Besides my paycheck, I carry the insurance for my family (its cheaper thru my co. than thru my husband's) so there is alot to lose.

Over the weekend, take time to relax and be calm. You will be stronger on Monday to face them

[-Cheryl-]

All of you have some really good advice and I WILL FOLLOW IT, REST ASSURED! In Dec. I will have been there 10 years. I have seen too many employees come and go to even name. There are only 3 positions for an LPC and about 100 employees that work for our agency. I am over the Child and Adolescent Program, and all my staff but one has their master's degree. They are overeducated and underpaid, so I can see why they may want my job. I mentioned that I had met with the CEO and was just probing for information. One of my staff outed himself accidently over my missing my appointments. Another employee backed me up by saying "Yeah, I remembered you trying to call them and asking me to cover for you. I have a good idea about who started the mental competence thing. She has filled in for me while I was in the hospital and hated when I came back and had to step down. I recall a meeting with her in which I had to remind her I was her superior.

I am going to call a meeting with my staff next week, any advice on what to say or how to handle it? Plus, I was so shocked by my boss this past Thurs. by asking me if I was "mentally competent", that I hardly knew what to say to next. Should I call a meeting with him, or just leave it alone? I have already taken your advice and started documenting. There is an irrational part of me that wants to use a voodoo doll and put a curse on them all, but I am afraid it might work. I wouldn't want to wish cancer on even my worst enemy. I think God is watching, and despite my ill wishes, the chances of them getting cancer already is something like 80% or over their life time anyway??? So they will experience my pain likely themselves someday. Besides, what goes around comes around. The employee who threw me under the bus has been going threw her own hell lately. Her father died, her fertility treatment failed, and now she is headed for a divorce. So I am asking God to help me resolve my anger for her, and instead feel compassion. Perhaps she has justfied her actions because she needs the financial gain. The other staff who threw me in the grease, just bought a house and wants to get married. He applied for a manager position in one of our sister agencies, but was overlooked. Maybe he wants my postion for the money too. Sad thing is, I don't make that much more than them, we are a non- for-profit agency. It could also be the power. I'm sorry this is so long. I really need to vent. I just feel like they are all buzzards, circling around waiting for me to die. They can't wait to have my job. It really is insulting to have them question my mental competency. Thanks for listening to me rant.

Maureen, good luck with your WBR. You are in my prayers. I like you, must keep my job, because Jack was laid off. My employment is our only insurance. Thank you all for you posts and really good advice.

Cheryl

[Don M]

I am sorry you have to go through this too Cheryl. Battling cancer is hard enough. My first reaction was document every thing and get an attorney. That is what everyone else said when I looked at the posts. I think if your agency receives public funding, even as a contractor, your employer could be in trouble for saying the things he said to you.

[Guest bean_si (Not Active)]

File a complaint with the ADA. Do it! Even government employers are not afraid of complaints that are only made internally but when ADA steps in, it's another story.

http://www.usdoj.gov/crt/ada/t3compfm.htm

I know that every state has local ADA complaint offices, usually spread throughout the state. I'd look up more info but the storm is howling like mad and I'm not sure how much time I have (electricity).

I was forcefully retired after 18 years. I don't think that would have happened if I had remained with the police department in this city but lay offs forced me to take a position with one horrible human being who patently discrimminated against my age and sex. This was 'okayed' by his supervisor in an all male division. The last and only other woman in this division had to take disability because she was treated so badly it made her chronic disease worse.

When news came that I had cancer.....it was all over. Don't let this happen to you. I should have fought harder but was going through chemo and radiation alone and was too tired to fight.

Cheryl, you worked hard to get where you are. Don't let them do this to you. FILE WITH ADA. Please.

Oh, if you can get some fingernails, a snip of clothing and hair, please send them to me.

Cat

[J.C.]

Cheryl,

Sending you good vibes in your fight,

the lawyer always told me that as long as we tell

the truth (with proof) everything verbal is OK in a fight.

You got good answers, just wanted to give my support.

J.C.

[Lyn]

Hi Cheryl,

I'm so sorry for you having to deal with such inconsiderate co-workers. I can't believe people are so hearltess. I work for the Director of Human Resources at a public college. Is there a Human Resources Director where you work that you feel comfortable talking with. If I were you, I would talk with the Director of H.R. and let them know what is going on before someone else complains about you. This way he/she will have direct info from you on your condition and can see for themself that you are competent. You never know what levels people will stoop to.

Also, I don't believe you can legally sue your employer while you are currently employed. After you leave, yes, but not while a current employee. God Bless you...

Lyn

[-Cheryl-]

Lyn, the HR Director was none to stmpathetic the when I was first diagnosed. He was over heard going down the hall making a comment to my boss about inheriting a mess, an employee who wouldn't produce revenue, but costing the company money. My name wasn't mentioned, but DUH? I have delibertly been the number one in production for the company as a result. He called me right before surgery to tell me if I even went one day over my FEML I would be let go. That is why I went back in only less than 3 weeks, for fear of termination. I was scare to take a day of sick leave.

I also bet this all started as a result of me having to wear a mask to work because my white blood count is so low and I work with indigent kids. So out of fear of risking an infection, I wear a mask. I hate it , but need to work. Thanks for the information.

Cheryl

[Lyn]

Cheryl,

Is there anyone else in your company that handles discrimination complaints? We have a Director of Equity/Diversity that also helps people with sexual harassment/discrimination complaints. So sorry you have a cad for an H.R. Director. They are supposed to help people with their problems, not contribute to them. Hang in there!!

Lyn

[JonathanS]

What about being put on your husbands insurance as well just for a back up plan to make you feel better, plus it will help incase you need it. Otherwise, GOD forbid something happens with your job, you will have to cobra it and pay it on your own unfortunaely. People can be so rude, incompassionate and inconsiderate today-just for a few extra dollars. SAD! You are not the one with the problem they are, and i would get in contact with my attorney and ask him how best to document this. Maybe file a grievence??? Praying for you and your recovery!!!

Jonathan

[MayFrog]

Cheryl, so sorry you have to be going thru this right now. I can't add to all the wonderful advice you've been given, but of all the advice I would agree that DOCUMENTATION is #1.....Hope you check out the ADA, too.....

Hope all works well for you (and if you ever need someone to drive a bus so someone else can get thrown under it, gimme a call!)

Mary

[-Cheryl-]

Jonathan,

Unfortunately, my husband was layed off from this same Company in a mass layoff. He now manages and maintains our investment properties and does not have S/E insurance. My insurance covers us both.

Mary,

Thanks for the offer. I'm thinking more of a flame throwing tank. Do you know any one that I can borrow one from?

I am defiately documenting everything, it is about all I can do. I called the ADA and the EEOC. My boss has not done anything legally wrong according to the law. The ADA does not consider cancer to be a disability. He has the right to ask me if I am mentally compotent! He is not allowed to ask me about my disease though. I just do not get it? Well, he sure acted differently toward me today. Perhaps he thinks I am going to sue his a**! When I asked him "where this was comming from" the day of our meeting, he described a couple of incidents. One incident was me missing a meeting and the other was an appointment. I fired of a e-mail to him today asking for the minutes of said meeting, and told him the e-mail about the meeting was not found in my computer mail over the last two months, could he provide the documentation of it to me? He e-mailed me back and had no min., nor any memo about the mandatory meeting.

I also put out a memo demanding that my employees turn in their progress notes typed within 24 hours. They are expected to report to me at the end of each day. That should keep them from splitting at 3:00 everyday. So, despite being close to home they will still have to come in from the field, where they go out to see clients (They are social workers basically.) Our county is close to 50 miles from one end to the other. No, the little back stabers want more supervision, they got it! Pay back will be fun! I'm just doing my job. I will show them just how competent I really am as their supervisor.

Cheryl

[MayFrog]

WTG Cheryl!! Supervise their little behinds to he** and back!! Seems to me your boss had no idea what a can of worms he was opening!!

As far as the flame throwing tank, when my son comes home on leave in a few weeks, I'll see if he can bring one home with him

Keep up the good fight........

Mary

[Bill]

Cheryl- Posted: Thu Sep 23, 2004 8:13 pm Post subject: I am angry and hurt- need guidance!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I am so upset right now that I don't know what to do! My boss asked to meet with me privately, .........

////////////////////

Cheryl :

Best of luck to you in your battle with your boss. Please keep us posted. FWIW my wife and I have quickly learned that the bigger the catastrophy the better Murphy's Law works. My wife constantly reminds me that the emotional pain that she has been subjected to by some others has been worse than dealing with her diagnosis and treatment. The pounding seems relentless at times.

[-Cheryl-]

Bill I can certainly relate to your wife's sentiment. Thanks all for your encouragement. Mary I appreciate the offer of the tank. Cat, my sister got me a voodoo doll while in New Orleans. I have been waiting for just the right time to use it! Ha! Just kiddding. Well things seem to be a little more in control now. I met with a couple of employees individually, who I think threw me in the grease. One is being supervised for his liscense by my boss. He is being paid by this employee while on company time to supervise him for his liscense! I doubt the Texas Board of Examiners would approve. He ended up writing me a letter to apologize. I am not sure really why? Fear, guilt, shame, who knows, but what goes around comes around. God sees it.

Cheryl

[cindi o'h]

Cheryl..

I want to know how all of this turns out....I am in the same kind of boat you are in...just a smaller one with only one oar....

I have so much else on my plate right now, that I cannot deal with the employment ( non-employment) issue. BUT I DO KNOW THAT I AM DISCRIMINATED AGAINST BECAUSE OF MY CANCER!!

Your head seems to be very screwed on tightly. You make complete sense to me. Even the part about the willingness to forgive...You are above the rest. You can forgive the people but not the behaviors that are causing YOU the distress of potential loss of income and survival...You are a true survivor.. Smart as a whip and resources at your fingertips. I admire you. You look like a hero to me today.

One little thing that comes to mind is what all of this is doing to your health. The one thing that we don't need are those fear chemicals running around in our bodies. If you can get someone else to help you with this fear crap...a lawyer, a counselor, God himself, the better.. (hope this makes sense to you and that I am not offending>>remember my one oar?)

Best wishes for a great lawyer if you choose that path.

Regards. Cindi o'h

[elnodel]

Dear Cheryl,

I came in late for this one (how unusual...ok, it's par for the course) but was just appalled by what you've been going through. I hope you're showing EVERYONE what a harda_s you can be as you supervise the whatsis out of them. You'll show them what "incompetence" really looks like! I think you need someone with a fresh perspective on the HR matters -- is there an ADA office around that could help? If not that, legal advice can always come in handy -- and it's a great little bomb to drop ("Oh, I'm not leaving early BUT I will have to leave precisely on time today for the appointment with my lawyer...."

It's so d__n unfair that you have to battle against the yahoos in your office when you should be able to save all your strength for the fight against cancer. I'm willing to join in the voodoo campaign if you need an extra pin!

Keep us posted on further developments -- I hope they're in your favour.

Ellen