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ranting and raving....


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It seems like everytime I post anymore I'm having a bad day. Well, I'm having one again.

I'm sick of the following:

1) People not respecting that Alex and I are a family. (I.E. if people "pop in" and we're eating dinner, they stay. I just feel like if Robert were here they would respect it's family time.)

2. Telling me how "good" I'm doing. Guess what? I'm not doing good, I just smile and nod when people are around cuz I'm not going to be the featured attraction that day "Widow Breaks Down". Not going to happen.

3. Everyone now comes by my house - could you please just sit down, not decide I need my cabinets washed, my laundry folded or my plants watered "you better water that plant, it's oging to die" guess what, I don't care about he frickin plant - my HUSBAND died.

4. Rude people at the cemetary for God's sake. Can't you count on kindness somewhere?

5. People wanting info about Robert's treatment plan to pass on info. I don't want to talk about it! How many times do I have to say that.

6. Still no peace. After 2 1/2 months, I'd like one day of quiet please. Please.

7. I hate cancer - it just claimed the life of my neighbor too. It's everywhere, it's unstoppable and I hate it.

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I am sorry so many people are annoying you right now. So I hope to not add myself to the list.

You don't feel like you are doing well, but the fact that you can smile and nod when people are around is a sign you are doing pretty well. You still hurt, of course you still hurt, but you can function.

People are trying to nurture you; they feel so helpless, they want to do something. So if you can muster the strength, let them clean your cabinets or water your plants. (Not the laundry though, you have to be pretty close to me before you're handling my skivvies, that's my rule). Let them do it because it will help them, not because it will help you. You can do it. We all know that. But they need to be supportive, and these are the only things they can think of.

There are rude people everywhere, I am sorry to say. I find when encountering rude people, wailing like Scarlett O'hara and making a gigantic production makes them feel like asses. Of course, watching a 6'5" guy bawl is very different than watching a woman, so I don't know if it will work for you. But it does point out that they are jackasses. We each have our own style of pointing out how obnoxious our neighbors can be. So be looking for yours. You can't make 'em feel as bad as you, but it can be fun to try.

Yowsers, writing that I realize what a jackass I am.

I am glad you checked in, but sorry it was on a bad day.

I hope you don't mind some advice that is serious and some that is light-hearted. You are doing as well as could be expected. Keep Alex as the first priority and you won't go astray. And come check in with us when you need a break, and we'll provide whatever support we can.


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Sigh...... This is not an uncommon problem, Joni - people dropping by and not thinking that you just might have other things to do (and not just dropping by, but calling on the phone, too). I suppose there is a solution, but it isn't an easy one. I would have a hard time doing it, but the only solution is to just politely ask them to stop it. I know that's easier said than done, but that's probably what Dr. Phil would say. LOL!! Maybe a letter to all your friends and family just saying how you feel and you and Alex need to be alone for a while. I don't know. Maybe there's a psychologist on here that can help.

I expect your nerves are probably on edge anyway, as would be expected, and it just doesn't help to have these annoying things going on. You know as well as I do that they mean well by some of the things they say, but they just don't stop and think how they really affect you.

Another sigh . . . This isn't easy and I wish there was something I could do to make it all go away. You have my prayers, but wish I could do more.



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We had the same problem, when my husband was alive,

always coming for help or to pass their time, we settled that

problem with an answering machine that display the number

and the name of the caller and made a sign for the front

and back door.



and we always put them on the doors.

I kept one and I use it when I am in one of my moods.

We got many calls after that, but answered that we always

kept prime time for ourselves.

Also when people mentioned that something needs to be done,

ask them, would you help me, now to do it?.

They may think twice the next time.

For info about treatments give them the name of the oncologist

that looked after your husband, or the name of the hospital,

thay may get the hint.

Your time with Alex is too important at the moment for trying

to please everybody, think of yourself and Alex first and after


Just hope one day you will feel better.



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Thank you guys. I guess I must sound pretty ungrateful, huh? I know I'm so fortunate to have such a wonderful group of people surrounding me - I just reached my wits end last night! I had spent the afternoon with a financial advisor about what to do about money - yuk! I just want to have money in the checking account when I go to pay bills and thats just about all I want to think about. Of course, realistically, I know I must have a plan and it was pretty stressful!! THEN, here is what just did me in - Alex, while riding his bike went right through a stop sign - never looked for cars or anything - well, I must say I completely lost it - I bet you could hear me screaming for miles and miles.

Ok, thanks again for the advice and the support and for not thinking I'm a loser!

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