Thanks everyone for your encouragement!

[Tami]

Thanks to all of you for your words of encouragement and understanding in regards to my post below. Each of you helped me to realize that I simply cannot continue at this pace. so I'm going to take a look at each problem individually and work on it.

I apologize for not responding sooner but I only has access to a computer at work and I have been off the last few days. My daughter (with Mono) was admitted into the hospital last week and I was with her. She was terribly sick and but seemed to turn the corner and is at home today. Now my youngest has a sore throat and pink-eye... does it ever end? In order to be with my daughter I had to quit my second job (the one at night) but I have another one that I start today. This one pays a bit more (plus tips) so I may not need to work as many hours. In addition to this I have also talked with my doctor about applying for disability (I PM Norme) I don't know if I can do it but I'm going to pursue it and see if it's possible. My husband is absolutely against it... 1) because I will not get paid as much as my salary and 2) I need to be off work in order to qualify. Unfortunately, that's the reason I never applied before... I couldn't live without a salary for several months. So for me I guess it's a catch-22.

Many have asked why I'm working a 2nd job and to be honest it's to pay for credit card debt. when I divorced I had nothing.. no savings, no checking account etc. and in order for me and my kids to live I put everything on a credit card till I could get a job that actually paid something. My ex didn't pay child support for a long time... Then when I got sick I had just started my job (I work at Penn State University) a couple of months prior to my diagnosis and Penn State has no short term disability, you must use accumulated sick days and I didn't have any. So I had to take days without pay, then it's car payments, repairs, house payments etc. I also had to pay for MUCH of one of my surgeries because my HMO wouldn't approve it and I didn't have time to keep submitting it only to have them turn it down. (I think HMO's do this thinking you'll die waiting on the appeal process). Anyway, I need to work the second job to pay these things off. I don't really have any family my father has alzheimers and the rest of my family doesn't acknowledge me... They didn't feel that I should have divorced and when I did they "shunned" me. they know about my illness from my kids and ex-husband (they still see him) but I haven't seen or talked with them in years.

My daughter and I talked alot over the last few days and when she is up to it she will try to do additional jobs around the house. she did talk to me about my new husband and she pointed out many things (which many of you also did) that just weren't right. But I will have to sort through that later-right now I just need to get a handle on my sanity.

Please continue to pray for me if you would. I need to stay strong... and I thank each and every one of you for your out pouring of support. I honestly have never known anything like that... I have a friend here at work who took me about 6 months ago in for a fairly minor surgery. She drove me there and back and even brought me a pillow and a blanket. I have never had that happen before. (Not anytime in my life) I've gone to every doctor appointment, every chemo, every radiation and every surgery alone. It was the kindest thing anyone has ever done for me and now all of you chose to write and pray for me... I feel very blessed to have all of you our there pulling for me.

[kimmek]

Hi Tami

Your post has gotten me so upset, upset that i cannot do anything for you. You do not state where you live, but if you happen to be near me, I would go to any appointmet with you, do anything I could, and without speaking for anyone really, I know I am not the only one who feels that way. I am so so sorry you are going thru all of this alone. I cannot imagine the stress you must be under. What can I do to help? There has to be something to make your life easier during this very trying time.

I really have no more advise for you, and I am sure you are doing everything in your power that you know to do to ease this situation.

PLease know you are in my thoughts and prayers and I am here if you need to talk, cry,scream anything and will be glad to provide my phone number, or i can even call you as I have free long distance all over us with my cell phone.

It is said the God never gives you more than you can handle, but I am thinking maybe he has this time. I have been told that so many times since my husband comitted suicide 8 yrs ago, that sometimes i just want to scream when i hear it, it is so hard to truly believe and understand. If you are a reader (although I have no idea when you would have time to read) there is abook i read many yrs ago, that still plays in my mind. I dont remember the author but the title is "When Bad Things Happen to Good People" it has alot of helpfull info in it.

Many prayers going out for you and your children.

God Bless

Kim

[TeeTaa]

I too wish I was close enough to provide some support to you and your children. If you are still undergoing any type of cancer treatments, I would encourage you to contact the local American Cancer Society, as they often have people available to take you to appointments, etc. In fact, if you'll PM me where you are, I'll look into it for you, cause you've surely got enough to take care of right now.

The thought of your being so alone distresses me terribly. Dealing with my brother's situation was so very overwhelming, and there were so many of us we kept running over each other! Three of us took him out to MD Anderson for the 2nd opinion, and there were times when there were that many of us at a regular appointment. And STILL it was overwhelming, so I can't imagine being in your shoes.

Take care of those daughters of yours (I've got two also, and one of them is at home sick today, so I know where you're coming from!) I don't mean to harp on the subject, but PLEASE try to get your husband to see that he needs to do more around the house. The credit card debt may be yours from a previous bad situation, but his marrying you makes it his problem as well. Don't let him bully you on that disability subject . . . your health is at risk, and he darn sure better realize it.

Feel free to PM me your number if you need a sounding board.

Praying for us all,

TeeTaa