ahhappy Posted September 29, 2004 Share Posted September 29, 2004 I know I don't do a lot of responding around here but I know many of you understand. I don't have the words. I don't have encouragment in me right now. I read a lot and am following your stories just not responding. so thanks in advance for listening to my little venting. I just wanted to vent my worn outness to those who I know will understand. I love my mother dearly but this is such a struggle. In order for my mom to feel normal, she has to keep doing things. Getting out to run errands, planning a party for my dad, etc. The bulk of the work falls to me. She can't go by herself to places because she is so weak and off balance-so at least twice a week we're off someplace for something -- with two toddlers in tow. On top of which, her hearing loss is so pronounced now that she doesn't listen a whole lot. Understandable... however, it means that she isn't listening. When I do try to tell her things she typically cuts me off or she pretends she understood me but I know she didn't. She's frustrated, I'm frustrated. And the whole thing is just wearing me out. It's also hard because no matter how much I do, I know there is more I could do. Like attend appointments with her, follow her eating and drinking more closely, etc, etc, etc. And I know I'm exhausted for other reasons. 2 stepsons in highschool, 2 toddlers, full time second shift employment, etc. A toddler who thinks 4am is a great time to get up in the morning Ok, so yes, my biggest problem is lack of sleep. I know. I would do anything for my mom. I will take her anywhere she wants to go and listen to her for as long as she will talk. I know I would regret it if I did anything else. The weight of that implication alone is so enormous. I'm really not looking for solutions. I don't know that I would do anything differently anyway. It's just a difficult time. Thank you for listening. It's feels good just to have said that "out loud" Amy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karenl Posted September 29, 2004 Share Posted September 29, 2004 Amy I do SO know what you mean about the lack of sleep! My own little Amy and her brother make sure that I don't get too much rest, and I find many days a bit of a struggle. Unlike you though, my Mum is not reliant on me for anything, so you have things alot harder than I do! Sending you strength and positive thoughts. Karen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melinda Posted September 29, 2004 Share Posted September 29, 2004 (((AMY))) I, too, feel worn out--and I have no excuse. I'm simply the caregiver of a caregiver. And between my mom and his, we had no break from it--I am sick and tired of this disease in all of its insidious manifistations. I am sick of thinking about cancer all of the time--and I'm not even the one with it!!! A large (HUGE) part of my feeling like I've been hit by a truck is the emotional exhaustion--my own feelings are bad, but watching Geoff suffer is simply awful... Also--can't discount the "feeling helpless" factor. I like to "fix" things--and all I can do right now is sit by Geoff's mom's bed and re-teach myself to needlepoint. I can't protect his mom, I can't protect him (or his family) from what is happening to his mom. What CAN I do? (Finally, feeling guilty about needing to plan a wedding that's not getting planned because neither Geoff nor I feel like thinking about it--and I feel too guilty with everything going on to even mention the topic to him--but yet it needs to get done as everything is already booked... Honestly, I wish I could cancel it.). So, my hat is off to you for simply managing. Hang in there--and vent ANY time. We're here for you. Melinda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TeeTaa Posted September 29, 2004 Share Posted September 29, 2004 Amy, Just reading your post makes me tired. I won't even try to offer any advice, but I will offer my good wishes. Hang in there. You're being a great daughter, Mom, wife, and step-mom . . . a caregiver to many. Please find some strength in knowing you've got many friends here, holding you and your family close in our thoughts and prayers. Praying for us all, TeeTaa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted September 29, 2004 Share Posted September 29, 2004 Vent when you need to. Hang in there. Don Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathy Posted September 29, 2004 Share Posted September 29, 2004 Amy, You certainly do have a full plate..Is there any other siblings that could help out? If so call a family meeting without mom and tell them how you feel..In the meantime vent to us all you need if that helps you we're here......(((AMY))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kel M Posted September 29, 2004 Share Posted September 29, 2004 I can only second what everyone else here has said - vent if you need to! I understand the stress you are under and appreciate very much how it can feel overwhelming! I also hear you when you say you feel worn out. Too much is happening at once and it would be difficult even for someone with super-human abilities to cope with. Keep your chin up, take a little time for yourself (where you can) and keep expressing your feelings. It's a healthy approach to dealing with the life you are leading and it will serve you well in the long term. Prayers for you and your family, Kel Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ry Posted September 29, 2004 Share Posted September 29, 2004 I know you are exhausted. Its hard to see your loved one feeling poorly. I have a good friend with a profound hearing loss. I never realized how bad until one day I was only a few feet from her and she could not hear me with her back turned. She has hearing aids now but I still need to be in front of her so she can see my lips. Try speaking to your mom when she can read your lips and see if it helps. I hope things improve for you soon... Rochelle Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie Posted September 30, 2004 Share Posted September 30, 2004 Hi Amy, I'm so sorry to hear that you are feeling worn out! It certainly is understandable with all that you have on your plate.. Oh my.. You are doing a great job and your best is good enough. Does your Mom have any friends who could help out?? When I got overwhelmed and people started asking what they could do to help I started saying something. It is hard but people really pitched in!! and it was good for my Mom to be with her friends. Hang in there and know that we are all praying for you and here to help. Hugs and prayers Laurie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stand4hope Posted September 30, 2004 Share Posted September 30, 2004 Dear Amy, I, too, understand how you feel. When my dad was so sick, I was working full time, keeping up with my husband's illness and appointments, had a son who was giving us fits, driving 75 miles a day 4-5 days a week to help take care of my dad, and emailing or talking to all my out-of-town family on a daily basis. It IS exhausting and the depression can come in overwhelming waves. The best comfort I can give you is that for the rest of your life, you will cherish the moments and memories you now have with your mom. I'm not saying you are going to lose your mom any time soon, but some day, hopefully far off in the future, that will of course happen. I look back now and feel so fortunate that I was able to do what I could. I wish I could have done more, of course - I guess we always do, but I'm grateful for the time I had with both my mom and my dad and the exhaustion is now a mental blur. I pray that you will eventually be blessed for your great sacrifices you are now making for your mom and the rest of your family. Love, Peggy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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