Yess Posted September 30, 2004 Share Posted September 30, 2004 I have a friend whom I really care about who was diagnosed and treated for lung cancer, and he's only 33. He's in remission now, but he continues to smoke. I don't know what it will take to try and convince him to put the cigarettes down. Has anyone experienced this and can offer some advice? I would really appreciate it. -Yess Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stand4hope Posted September 30, 2004 Share Posted September 30, 2004 Yess, This was recently discussed here. Hope this helps: http://www.lchelp.com/community/viewtopic.php?t=11112 Peggy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ginnyde Posted September 30, 2004 Share Posted September 30, 2004 Yess, Steer him to this site. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ellakc2 Posted October 1, 2004 Share Posted October 1, 2004 Dear Yess, Iam in the same postion. One of my best girlfriend had NSCLC had surgery and is doing great, but continues to smoke. There is absolutely nothing you can say or do. Trust me I have tried everything. Being an ex-smokers I feel I have a right to nag her, but have stopped, because all it does is give me a headache. If the cancer has not woke them up, what will? It absolutely is a choice to quit smoking. Pray for them. Take care. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimblanchard Posted October 1, 2004 Share Posted October 1, 2004 There is no way you could have lung cancer and not understand the danger of smoking. There is no rational reason that you would continue to smoke. And so therefore, the decision to keep smoking is irrational. It is an addiction that is almost impossible for me to relate to. And all non-addicts. So trying to reason with someone in that situation seems hopeless. The one advice I would give is to point out to him how much you would hurt if he would be gone. His friends and families would hurt so much, and quitting smoking would be a way to help make sure that pain is saved. But do not be surprised if nothing works. It simply is not a rational decision. Curtis Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eileen Posted October 1, 2004 Share Posted October 1, 2004 One thing I have learned in my many years of smoking is that nagging , pleading , etc. to the smoker does not help ---they will quit when they have made up their mind to quit---they know they should quit but for whatever reason , they choose not to---Yes, it is a very strong addiction- but people can and do quit, some even after many years of smoking---but only when he/she wants to do it--- unfortunately , we all know smoking is bad but people do it anyway---I guess because we all have the freedom to make choices in life--and some people do not always make the best ones-- I guess just support your friends and let them know that once they decide to quit, you are there for support to help them get through the struggle. regards Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SDianneB Posted October 1, 2004 Share Posted October 1, 2004 I agree with Eileen. IMO, we just can't change people into who we want them to be. When he's decided he should quit and is ready to do so, he probably will. I think that when we love people, we do just that -- love them, no matter what, warts and faults and all. Just letting him know that you love him and are concerned is worth a lot, believe me. He may also be in a place where the smoking calms him and relieves some of the tension and fear he has over the cancer, so it's a dual edge sword, so to speak. He may have a fear that if he stops smoking, he will lose the ability to have that calm assurance that such a habit often gives to people. Knowing he has people like you who care about him may help him realize that cigarettes aren't the only place where you can get that calm feeling. Sometimes, people seem to think that since they already have lung cancer, smoking isn't going to hurt them. My pulmonologist told me early on that smoking probably wouldn't have an effect on the cancer I have now, but if I smoked, I'd probably be working on another tumor, since my body has now shown that it is genetically likely to react to smoking with cancer, and did I want to go through all this again??? No way! However it turns out, it's my bet that you'll have more influence over him if you go the route of loving and supporting him, and letting him know you're there for him than trying to nag him into quitting! That's just my opinion though -- you are the one who knows the person, and will know best what to do and say. My very best wishes to you both. Di Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yess Posted October 1, 2004 Author Share Posted October 1, 2004 Thank you all for your thoughts. We'll see if this works. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayd Posted October 1, 2004 Share Posted October 1, 2004 Our daughter continues to smoke although her father is fighting the beast every day, We have tried everything we know to get her to quit, but until she is ready there is nothing any of us can do! If watching her father die slowly from this miserable disease doesn't wake her up to the fact that ciggarettes was the cause of his lung cancer ,althought he and I both quit 9 years ago. There is NO HOPE for her or any one else that is addicted to the damn things. Most people think they can get away with it and that cancer is something some one else gets. I could go on and on about the dangers of smoking, but what good does it do, No one could have told me that quiting was the thing to do, my addiction kept me smoking, my car didn't run with out them ,nor did the phone work unless I had one hanging from my lips. Now I am one of those nasty EXSMOKERS that can't stand the things, the thought of trying to smoke one gags me. I figure if I can quit any one can. I thought life wasn't worth living without them. Now is that stupid or what, OR was it just the addiction at work?? Kay Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayd Posted October 1, 2004 Share Posted October 1, 2004 Our daughter continues to smoke although her father is fighting the beast every day, We have tried everything we know to get her to quit, but until she is ready there is nothing any of us can do! If watching her father die slowly from this miserable disease doesn't wake her up to the fact that ciggarettes was the cause of his lung cancer ,althought he and I both quit 9 years ago. There is NO HOPE for her or any one else that is addicted to the damn things. Most people think they can get away with it and that cancer is something some one else gets. I could go on and on about the dangers of smoking, but what good does it do, No one could have told me that quiting was the thing to do, my addiction kept me smoking, my car didn't run with out them ,nor did the phone work unless I had one hanging from my lips. Now I am one of those nasty EXSMOKERS that can't stand the things, the thought of trying to smoke one gags me. I figure if I can quit any one can. I thought life wasn't worth living without them. Now is that stupid or what, OR was it just the addiction at work?? Kay Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaffie Posted October 2, 2004 Share Posted October 2, 2004 sheI was a 30 year heavy smoker when I was diagnosed with cancer, or I should say when they first saw the spot on my lung. I threw away all of my cigarettes but I was "bumming" one everytime a smoker came over. What made me really quit for good was when the surgeon told me that every puff I inhale is irritating the spot on my lung. That was it, the one sentence I needed. I did need the help of the nicotine patch. Sometimes a heavy smoker who is just not able to do it can get by with 1 1/2 patch for a week or so then go down to one patch and work their way down. I was on the patch at various levels for over 2 months but my doctor was content. He said I was still putting nicotine in my body but not all of the poisons with it. The patch got me through the withdrawls while I went through losing the habit part of quitting. One thing I can say for sure, preaching only makes it worse. Most people I know who still smoke say one thing that really makes them mad is when an ex smoker preaches quitting, I remember it did me. I have told everyone I know that I will never preach at them to quit but to please take a good look at me and what I'm going through and then I will never mention it again. I've kept my promise but I can see many of my former smoker friends cutting back on their way to quitting. It wouldn't hurt to buy a box of patches for your daughter and give it to her "just in case" she'd like to try them........ It's very hard to get a smoker to quit unless they are truly ready, it has to be their decision. Good luck Kathy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaffie Posted October 2, 2004 Share Posted October 2, 2004 sheI was a 30 year heavy smoker when I was diagnosed with cancer, or I should say when they first saw the spot on my lung. I threw away all of my cigarettes but I was "bumming" one everytime a smoker came over. What made me really quit for good was when the surgeon told me that every puff I inhale is irritating the spot on my lung. That was it, the one sentence I needed. I did need the help of the nicotine patch. Sometimes a heavy smoker who is just not able to do it can get by with 1 1/2 patch for a week or so then go down to one patch and work their way down. I was on the patch at various levels for over 2 months but my doctor was content. He said I was still putting nicotine in my body but not all of the poisons with it. The patch got me through the withdrawls while I went through losing the habit part of quitting. One thing I can say for sure, preaching only makes it worse. Most people I know who still smoke say one thing that really makes them mad is when an ex smoker preaches quitting, I remember it did me. I have told everyone I know that I will never preach at them to quit but to please take a good look at me and what I'm going through and then I will never mention it again. I've kept my promise but I can see many of my former smoker friends cutting back on their way to quitting. It wouldn't hurt to buy a box of patches for your daughter and give it to her "just in case" she'd like to try them........ It's very hard to get a smoker to quit unless they are truly ready, it has to be their decision. Good luck Kathy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaffie Posted October 2, 2004 Share Posted October 2, 2004 Appologize for the double post! Kathy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fay A. Posted October 2, 2004 Share Posted October 2, 2004 Consider contacting your State/County Dept. of Health and ask about smoking cessation programs in his community. Some of these have actually used a portion of the various States Tobacco settlement to fund these programs and help defer the costs of smoking cessation aids like the patch, nicotine gum, Zyban. I know that some may disagree, but I say keep on him. And though no one stops smoking who isn't ready to do so, not everyone can do so without any help. If you are one of those who could quit without help, congratulations. If you are one of those who required assistance in the form of a class, support group, medication or nicotine substitute, then I say congratulations to you, too! It doesn't make you a lesser person than someone who quit cold turkey. It makes you a non smoker, and that is really all that matters. Wishing you and your friend good luck. And I hope you will tell him about this site. He'll find others his age who will understand him. And I hope you will return, as well. You'll find support and friendship here, too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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