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I said something I shouldn't have


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I went over to my moms today and I know her hair is falling out. I have even gotten her things to put on her head and stuff. Well today I was over there and i was changing Jorys diaper at the time and i said to her 'did you get a hair cut, cause it looks great'. She looked at me in horror. She said 'no, its just all falling out'. I felt so terrible, I almost cried. I really did think her hair looked good.

I tried to segway to a different topic. i hope i didnt upset her too much. I did apologize, but i still feel terrible i said something. I should have known better. Someone slap me please!

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Hi Randi,

Sincerely, in my opinion, I don't think that you said anything wrong.

It sounds as if your mom is going through a lot of hard stuff. For me, I was shocked at my own response to my own hairloss. I didn't think it would matter to me. I didn't think that I would be vain. For me, hair loss was something that was a visible and gigantic statement that I REALLY was sick and that I REALLY did not want to be. It crashed into my survival attempt at being in denial over the whole awful thing. Hairloss was something that I did not want to deal with on top of everything else I was going through.

I do know what you mean, though. Once something is said, it cannot be taken back...even if you had the best of intentions. And it sounds to me as if you truly did. Your mom may have misunderstood your intentions. But, I think that she is probably grieving over her hair loss and the loss of her health and etc. Give her time. I will bet that once she gets used to her new "do" and comes to better terms what is going on with her life, that she may even be able to find something in her change in appearance to giggle about.

It is not an easy place, to be "misunderstood". Try not to think about it. Like I said, I don't think you said anything wrong.

Hang in there. I am sure that your mom really appreciates your love and support. I know that I would if I were her.

Cindi o'h

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We all handle the hair and eyebrow/lashes loss differently. No one wants to be bald. And this can be pretty devasting to our self image if we let it.

I'm sorry that you are feeling bad, Randi. I don't really believe that you should have to walk on eggshells worrying about slips of the tonge. Perhaps you can buy your Mom a pretty, soft chenille cap to wear. It will keep her head warm now that the weather is turning cooler. And they come in a number of flattering colors. I hope you can remember to be as patient with yourself as you are the baby and your Mom.

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Randi, You really did not say anything wrong... Believe me, I was emotionally at my WORST, when my hair started to fall out. I cried, privately, daily. Tried to make jokes, but, then broke down over my own jokes, So hard to explain, what it was like. It was devastating... I just knew that everyone would know I was sick, crazy thoughts. Be patient and not so hard on yourself, It is just so hard to go through and there is no right or wrong way. I still have my suitcase full of hair pieces, wigs clip ons you name it, when I open it up, I get nausea.

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