FIFTEEN THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME ALMOST 50 YEARS TO LEARN

[betplace]

FIFTEEN THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME ALMOST 50 YEARS TO LEARN by Dave Barry

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative

on the same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race

has not achieved, and never will achieve its full potential, that word

would be "meetings."

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never

want you to share yours with them.

5. You should not confuse your career with your life.

6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

7. Never lick a steak knife.

8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling

reason why we observe daylight savings time.

10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests

that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging

from her at that moment.

11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to

make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age,

gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep

down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice

person.

14. Your friends love you anyway.

15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur

built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

[Nushka]

Betty,

All of the above are true....the first one is my favorite. But about the birthdays.....I still like to made a fuss over....and I am almost 60.

Nina