shelliemacs Posted June 19, 2003 Share Posted June 19, 2003 Mom told me tonight that she is sick of it all and wants to quit treatment. She said she has had enough. She is sick of being sick. I kept trying to tell her that the treatment is working despite how awful she feels and that it will get better. I told her that I think she needs an anti-depressant and she said "No, I am not taking any more pills" She is sick of being tired, sick of feeling fatiged, sick of getting chemo, sick of all the side effects, sick of being a burden (which she isn't and we keep telling her that) I am devastated, I told her I moved home because of her and that if she gives up her husband, my step father will be alone at 58 and I will be alone without a mom, and my sisters kids wont have any grandma. She would not eat. she says chemo destroyed her entire appetite. Our onc. told us only last wednesday that coming off the steroids you go through about a month of a funk and then it gets better. I dont know what to do, I dont know how to help her. I can't watch her sit back and die. Maybe if the CT scan she has the first week of July will be clean and then it would make her fight again. How can I help her. How can I make her want to fight on. How can I convince her that I need her to keep going and get through it. I am sitting here begging GOD out loud to help me. Please someone tell me what to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathy Posted June 19, 2003 Share Posted June 19, 2003 Dear Shellie, I know what you are going through..We were taking my dad to a couple different places and we were getting the same answers from different doctors..During the last doctor trip at the U of Mi. my dad said No more doctors..I still see the despair in his eyes that day so I have stopped looking for other alternatives, I shouldnt say I stopped looking I stoppped telling him about them. On one hand I feel we should respect their feelings, but on the other hand we dont want them to stop fighting..I dont know what to tell you Shellie because I struggle with the same issues..I guess I just want to say your not alone..Give it a day or so, maybe your mom will feel better and change her mind.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Debaroo Posted June 19, 2003 Share Posted June 19, 2003 Shelly, I can relate a bit to what you are going through with your mom. Since this whole steriods thing, Dad has decided that, should he get brain mets again, he would forgo treatment, especially the steroids!!! Maybe if you print out a couple of posts that your mom would be able to relate to...posts about how a person was feeling so badly during treatment, but is now on the upswing. If you'd like a hand, I can search through the old posts and note the ones that might help encourage her, right now she is feeling so badly that she dosn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I have talked with my dad since he has been feeling so badly lately, and he would do chemo again (he handled the first 2 types very well), but I keep wondering that if his cancer IS progressing, and he is in a more weakend state (when he started treatment, no one believed he had cancer he was looking and feeling so good) so, with his health on more of a down slide right now...what does that mean for how he will handle the next round-if he needs? Really, I would gladly help you out by finding posts that might help your mom see that "this too shall pass" and that, eventually, she will start to feel better. Its so hard. I understand that the quality of life is more important than the quantity of time you get...But if the quality is only compromised for a period, and then can get better, than it is SO WORTH IT!!! Take care, and let me know if I could help...Deb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted June 19, 2003 Share Posted June 19, 2003 Shelly, this is a toughie. We, the caregivers, really have no idea what the survivor is going through unless we have been there ourselves. Yes, we relate more than anyone, but we still can't know the fatigue,the constant pain, the nausea, etc. Therefore, we really walk a fine line between honoring the survivor's wishes and providing alternatives and hope. Lucie goes in and out emotionally, and she is very, very tired of being in pain, being dog tired, not being able to do the things she once did routinely, etc. I constantly have to work with her feeling like she does not want to endure this any longer. I really ache for her, and I wish there was something I could do to ease all this. I do know (because she has told me) that she would have given up before now if it weren't for my constant hope, support and love, and pushing her to do and to be. As I said, it is a real toughie. My prayers are with you. Don Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 19, 2003 Share Posted June 19, 2003 Gosh Shelly this is a hard one--- as your Mom has had good results, I would encourage her to keep trying---but the ultimate choice is hers----I am hoping she gets a good scan in July that may give her more hope and encouragement. I had a friend that went through hell and fought this disease for 2 and a half years---she had everything from radiation to chemo two times , to gamma knife to her brain mets---then she was going through radiation to her adrenal gland that killed one of her kidneys---she decided enough-no more treatments--let nature take its course--and I supported her decision---we belonged to another support group on the web and people thought I was terrible because I supported her decision when they thought she should "fight on" ----I did not want to see her go through any more pain because of other peoples expectations of what she should do--- guess i do not know what to say except to pray that her results in July will be great and help her get out of this depression regards Eileen stage 1A nsclc --lobectomy 6/00 3 yr survivor Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimblanchard Posted June 20, 2003 Share Posted June 20, 2003 Shellie I am so sorry that both you and your mother have to go through so much. Last year, when things were very, very gloomy for me, I felt as your mother now feels. I got so beat down from so much treatment and so many shots, pills, etc. that I didn't really care to go on. My daughter kept telling me to fight, fight and when I told her it didn''t matter anymore she cried and cried. I felt so badly seeing her cry that I prayed so hard to God that night to give me the strength to keep going. Over the next few days, I started feeling better about everything and now I am so glad I didn't give up. Please tell your mom I am thinking and praying very hard for her to feel like I do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LindaMRG Posted June 20, 2003 Share Posted June 20, 2003 Oh Shelly, Im hurting for you right now. I know how I would feel to hear my father say something like that. Id be praying out loud too. It seems her results have been good so far and hopefully those test in July will be positive too and it will give her the will to keep fighting. When my father gets down I pull out a story from here and remind him of all that other people go through and survive. I told him once, "you may have only known a small handful of people that had lung cancer, but there is a whole world of people out there that have had it worse than you and survived." Ive backed it up with the survivor stories especially simliar to him. I will pray out loud for you tonight. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fay A. Posted June 20, 2003 Share Posted June 20, 2003 A note to Shelly's Mom.... Hi. We haven't met, but my name is Fay A., and I belong to the online group the Shelly visits... I understand how hard this is for her. My Mom had lung cancer. This past Saturday was the 13th anniversary since she passed away. She was only 57, and I still miss her very much. I keep telling folks that we have to respect the wishes of the one who has the disease when it comes to treatments, etc..... I understand how hard this is for you, Shelly's Mom. On the same day that marked the anniversary of my Mothers passing from Lung Cancer I marked the 4th anniversary of my FIRST Thoracotomy to treat my own lung cancer. (I was 44, and we've been able to backtrack to prove the tumor first showed up when I was 32 years old.) I know how hard all of this is.... We're sick of being sick...we are sore in ways that folks just don't understand unless they have cancer. We feel like a burden (because we want to be independant and WE want to be the caretaker because we're the MOM!). I've been really sick for most of this year, Shelly's Mom. So sick and in enough pain for so long that there wasn't much difference between the pain I had before the operation and what I felt after I had the remainder of my cancerous and much scarred lung and chest lymph nodes removed a month ago. No one wants you to do what you don't want to do... But life is precious. Are your doctors giving you the things you need to get through your treatments? Are you receiving IV fluids with chemo? ARe you being given the IV drugs to help combat the nausea? Are you being given shots to boost your red and white counts when they fall below certain levels? Is your pain adequately controlled? I your emotional needs being met (I'm finding an a good counselor to be just what I need to help me vent APPROPRIATELY. If you are not receiving these things you should be. Ask for them, and if that doesn't work DEMAMD them. If it still won't work go to someone else who will give you what you need to fight this. You're a Warrior Woman...so is your daughter. You have my respect, no matter what you decide to do. You have my admiration. You have my prayers..... Fay A. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DaveG Posted June 20, 2003 Share Posted June 20, 2003 Shellie: I am a 59 year old survivor. I lived through 18 months of glorious bliss as a Stage I survivor. Then in April, I am diagnosed with mets to my lymphatic system, not just a few lymph nodes, but my entire lymphatic system was loaded with tumors. I was restaged to Stage IV and started on Chemo (Carbo/Taxel), along with a clinical trial. Sometimes I get down on myself and want to cash it all in, but my wife comes to my rescue and reminds me that we are in this together. Its her and I, and our two adult children, along with 3 grandchildren and one more on the way. Your mother is depressed and antidepressants should not be out of the question. Many of us survivors live on antidepressants. I will not go a day without my Celexa and many other survivors here will tell you the same. Depression is part of the game of lung cancer, but it is the easiest to treat - one pill a day. Encourage your mother to seek that. Talk to her doctors about that. I take over 14 different pills everyday. So what's one more pill. Everything from potassium supplements to antidepressants to pain killers. They keep me alive and keep me active, giving me a quality of life. I would estimate I am about the same age as your mother. Hey she lived through the 60's, she can survive this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fresca Posted June 20, 2003 Share Posted June 20, 2003 Shelly My heart is aching for you! I can only pray to have your mom come to peace about chemo. Ipray she will really understand that it IS worth it. I pray the scan comes out clean, and that she has new will to fight. I pray for you too my dear. I pray for you to have the wisdom to tell her what she needs to know to get her will back to fight! Praying everyday for you. Rana Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karma1976 Posted June 20, 2003 Share Posted June 20, 2003 Shelley I agree with Katie, my dad went thru the same thing and he decided against that once he got on here and read the posts, he printed them out and showed his doctor that is how moved he was!!! Print them out and have her read them. or get her on her and discuss why she wants off, my dad did! it really helped!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
natalie Posted June 20, 2003 Share Posted June 20, 2003 Shelly- I'm hoping your mom is just having a "down" day. It's such a roller coaster ride of emotions. I agree with everything everyone has posted...such great words of advise and compassion. Hang in there...don't throw in the towel just yet...maybe if it comes to where she doesn't want treatment anymore, you can try the alternative medicine route. There are people who have beat this without the conventional methods. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carolsdaughter Posted June 21, 2003 Share Posted June 21, 2003 Shelly, I just signed on and read your post. I am sorry that your mom is feeling discouraged. My feelings run very deep and personal about this subject. You have some great advice here! I think Fay A. note to your mom was wonderful. The only thing I can add here is some people don't even respond to treatment like in my mom's case. I hope now, a few days later, she is feeling much more ready to continue the fight. I am praying for you and your family. HUGS, Shelly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rick Posted June 21, 2003 Share Posted June 21, 2003 Shelly I too am sorry to hear of your mothers declining positivity... I hope that she will turn around on this.. Mothers are definitely special and this is no doubt very difficult!! I will be praying for you... Rick Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny G. Posted June 21, 2003 Share Posted June 21, 2003 Shelly, It sounds like your mom has had great success with her treatment, but I know its probably been hard on her too. Maybe this little break is just what she needs and I will be praying for good results on the PET to turn things around for her. Don't despair. Jenny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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