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Biting The Bullet

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It's taken me a long time to post this--almost a "hear no evil, see no evil" twist.

J's tumor has shrunk, but in all the wrong places. It's still active/encasing the artery. Surgery has been completely, repeatedly ruled out. :cry:

In classic form, his FORMER cancer center put us through the hoops, and we had to seek out getting the proper tests from another provider for the surgeon to make informed decision.

We were in the car for the better part of 2 days, and he was still sick from chemo. Got dehydrated, but NEW oncologist hydrated him quickly enough to prevent hospitalization.

Life's a lot easier at new cancer center. He is finally getting shots to increase his blood counts. The numbers are frighteningly low. Doc said anemia plays part in his neverending sleeping.

J feels so defeated now, like it's been for nothing, and doesn't yet believe that "stable" can be a good word. He's very depressed, and I'm going to mention it to the oncologist.

Pot calling the kettle--I've cried so much I could probably submit a water damage claim against our insurance. I'm coming out the haze now, and am trying to be optimistic, it's just so scary.

Oncologist wants to start 8 or 9 rounds of taxotere at end of this month. J's resumed radiation, has wicked head cold, and is still shaking nausea from chemo I guess. He's just still sick. Man, those little Zofrans are expensive. :evil: Doc wants him to get a little stronger, plus get his head straight. I'm almost certain if doc wanted to do more chemo now J would refuse treatment.

I realize I don't contribute here enough, I'm always reading, and including you in my talks w/the big guy upstairs. I've procrastinated about posting this, as though maybe if the words weren't in black and white, it would't be true. Can you believe they let me drive??

You are all in my thoughts, and I'd probably be committed by now if you weren't here. (or maybe in jail :wink: )


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Don't ever feel guilty about not posting much. Your family's needs must be first for you the way our families' needs are first for us. Keep praying for us because we can surely use that. But don't worry if you don't have the emotional space to post.

I am glad you have found a more helpful cancer center and also glad that the tumor has shrunk.

Do you do anything to manage the depression? It sounds like therapy or medication or both might be warranted.


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I'm sorry to hear that J is having so much trouble and that you, too, have had such a hard time. I was wondering if you would be comfortable with asking J's oncologist about using Alimta instead of Taxotere. See this link that Rich posted just this week for more info:

http://www.lchelp.com/community/viewtop ... ght=alimta

Maybe you could print it and give it to the oncologist.

Best of luck, Kate, and many prayers for you both.



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Dear Kate,

First I want to make something perfectly clear to you. In your subject line you have written, "Biting the Bullet" Well my dear, your first lesson is, we don't bite bullets here, we DODGE them! :roll::wink::lol:

You have been through the mill my dear, and thankfully things appear to be looking up for you and hubby. HOORAY!

You know we are always here for you. And if you need to file a claim with your insurance company for water damage, I'm guessing that line may be pretty long!! :P:roll::wink: ((((((KATE)))))))

Just remember your NOT ALONE here. WE all understand what your facing and what your having to deal with. We won't let you fall.

Stay strong and by all means keep that sense of humor. It's a safety issue!!!

Love & Hugs,


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Katie girl,

Now what did I tell you? I was right, weren't I??

Hang in there.... See about counseling, maybe for you both.

Couldn't hurt.

Stable is a VERY good thing.

and dead/shrunk is dead/shrunk.

See what the tests bring.

We've got BIG shoulders here, hon.


Prayers, always


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We've been in exactly the same place you are and we've come through. You will too. Surgery wasn't possible for us either, but John kept going through the treatments and he is now being kept stable on the Iressa. I know it's hard, it will probably get harder, but it will eventually get better.

Try to get him to drink a lot of water and to eat even if he doesn't want to. The water will help tremendously, I wish we had figuered that out much sooner. There's a light at the end of the tunnel you just have to keep walking.


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Some tumors have been shrunk to zero. I don't know what that will mean in J's case other than it will have shrunk to NED and that is good! Who needs surgery with NED around the corner!

I am sorry you are having a bad time right now, but I pray things brighten and lighen up soon!

love and fortitude


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Dear Kate,

I think I can say that I understand how you feel. Sometimes I feel as if I were up in the air watching all this unfold below me like some awful, terrifiying soap opera. Then I come down to earth and realize it is true and then I have to put my nose to the grindstone and start fighting for David again.

My heart goes out to you and if you ever feel like it, please PM me. Love Paddy

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