New Drugs For Women

[Elaine]

DAMITALL Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8

hours.

ST. M O M M A'S W O R T Plant extract that treats mom's depression by

rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours.

E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N Highly effective suppository that eliminates

melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.

P E P T O B I M B O Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups

swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases

intelligence, colors hair blonde and improves flirting.

D U M B E R O L When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low

IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country western music.

F L I P I T O R Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling

road rage and urge to flip off other drivers.

M E N I C I L L I N Potent antiboyotic for older women. Increases

resistance to such lines as, "You make me want to be a better person

... can we get naked now?"

B U Y A G R A Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases

potency and duration of spending spree.

J A C K A S S P I R I N Relieves headache caused by a man who can't

remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number.

A N T I-T A L K S I D E N T A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be

used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total

strangers.

S E X C E D R I N More effective than Excedrin in treating the, "Not

now, dear, I have a headache" syndrome.

N A G A M E N T When administered to a husband, provides the same

irritation as nagging him all weekend, saving the wife the time and

trouble of doing it.