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"Underwhere" and What



Though I don't think I've broken any laws, other than the laws of consumerism, I may have gone over to the dark side. And by 'dark side,' I refer to two elements, one way more significant than the other, both of which I will get to in short order. In the interim, I refer to that most private of previously public purchases: underwear.

The last two times I bought underwear, I did not, as my father before me did so regularly for his two sons, buy from a local distributor. No. I didn't brick and mortar, I did not drive to and from. And neither did I engage with a living being (so far as I know, anyhow). Rather, I simply typed, mouse-clicked and purchased online from a national distributor. And since I wasn't able to touch and feel, my selection was a bit of a leap of faith. Would the fit, style and look satisfy in person much as is it had done so online? So far, after having introduced a dozen pairs to their new homes, their owner and his neighbors seem okay with the interlopers. I expect that with the passage of time, the familiarity of it all will wear down any anticipated objections. Still, I imagine there will be an adjustment period.

Those purchases being made, I do feel as if I've crossed a line of sorts. At the very least, consumers and their underwear purchases - and processes, seemed sacrosank and immune to the lure of the internet. Granted, its presumptive privacy and seemingly endless choices/supply would presumably appeal to one's sense of curiosity. But not having the opportunity to physically pick and choose, and then grab and go to the cashier while glancing at the assorted inventory while you saunter through the department now seems like a lost art. An art that will never again be bid on, certainly not at Christie's anyway. I don't feel guilty exactly, about what I've done, but I do feel as if struck at the very foundation of the consumer's code of decency.

I mean, if one is going to buy underwear online than there really is no stopping the internet's intrusion into our daily lives. And if the artificial intelligence running the sites knows about our most personal preferences, then what's preventing a mass outing of mankind and womankind? To that possible end, I am now going to mention the second element of my recent purchase for which you likewise might have an opinion. This time I have literally gone over the dark side aka colors: blue, black, green and gray. The tidy whities of my youth and nearly entire adulthood have had to give way to color. As such, the neighborhood is officially integrated. Another break with my underwear past which also seems unforgivable. My father always wore white underwear. How could I, as his son, break with such familial tradition? This is the weight I am now carrying. I'm not exactly leaving the faith but I do feel that I'm definitely disconnecting.

And since these online purchases of non-white underwear are not that recent (six months or so), recently, as in the last month, I have given consideration to yet another total break to how/where I've purchase these non-white "underwears:" brand. I have heard multiple radio advertisements on my satellite radio concerning an upscale brand of underwear which has given me pause to rethink how I might further upgrade the neighborhood where my underwear has been residing.

It's been difficult enough changing how I buy my underwear, and then transitioning from whites to colors, but now possibly changing brands just for the sake of some creature comforts? I haven't heard any complaints from the neighbors so why bother? To be cool and comfortable? I thought I was. Apparently not. Dare I break yet another decades-old tradition? It may be too much.


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