Tragady, miracles and random thoughts

[lilyjohn]

So many thoughts go round and round in my head and they just won't leave me alone until I write them so here goes.

Everywhere you look today there seems to be one huge tragedy after another. Of coarse none has ever hit so hard or taken so many lives at once as the recent tsunami. Just a couple of days ago another surviver was found and everyone is calling it a miracle. I believe very stongly in miracles but I believe that the real miracle we are seeing in the out pouring of compassion. So many people have opened their hearts and set selfishness and old prejudices aside to help. As devistating as the loss of life and and the destruction of lives has been I can't help but think that the real tragedy is that it had to happen for people to reach down and find the best of themselves.

Tragedy happens everyday on a smaller scale. Thousands die from disease and war yet most people just turn their head and go one with their lives until it hits close to home. We of all people know that.

As for miracles they happen everyday. We are just so busy with life and often so closed minded that we just don't see them. Look around you. Every child that is born, every flower that blooms, every plant that sprouts and every breath that we breathe is a miracle.

All of my life I have believed in God. I just never talked about my beliefs. I used to tell myself that was because my relationship with Him is so personal. I know now it was because I feared being called a fanatic. I was more worried about what people thought of me than about what God wanted from me.

It took a tragedy that turned my life upside down and left me alone to face my loss and a deep anger at my God and work though those things. Any of you who were here when I first joined this board will remember my bitterness and anger. I'm sure that most of you saw me as a lost cause, someone who could never be helped. I can certainly understand that because I saw myself the same way.

I cursed fate for taking me where I was but it was that same fate (I know now it was God) who once more took charge and let me to where I am now. In my wildest dreams I would never have suspected that I would be here now and saying the things that I am. Even more who would have thought that I would have beliefs that have become so strong.

Circumstances uprooted me once again and I was brought to this beautiful place. Every day I was surrounded by the miracle of life. My heart may never really heal but slowly my spirit started to heal. It took another tragedy that nearly took everything from me again to make me really understand and open my heart completely to my faith in God.

When I came home after the fire I had made up my mind to move from here. I just didn't think I was strong enough to face the possibility of another fire or having to start over again. Then I looked around me and I saw what I know could only have been a miracle. There are 60 homes here where I live. The fire completely surrounded the park and was moving in from all sides. The flames were up the mountains on both sides and they are at least 500 to 600 feet high. There were only 5 fire trucks to fight and save our homes still only two were lost.

The firemen had to focus on saving the homes that they knew they could and abandon the others. In some places that fire burned right up to the back door of homes. There were several where trees hanging over the home burned. Yet those homes were spared. That replayed itself through this whole town. Had the fire burned straight through nothing and no amount of work could have saved anything. All would have been lost. Instead it skipped large sections of trees and the fire passed without touching those homes. In all 26 homes were lost but the majority and the town were spared. Surely the hand of God had to be at work.

It was more than seeing what the fire did and could have done. It was the out pouring of compasion that made me see what a wonderful area I had come to call home. I couldn't leave here. Sense then my spirit has continued to heal. Yes I still have bad days but I somehow manage to live with them. Most of my anger and bitterness is gone. I have learned to forgive most of those that I was so angry at, myself encluded. There are still those that I can't forgive and maybe never will but some how I feel that keeps me focused on doing what I can to change something that I know needs to be changed.

I have been blessed many times in my life despite the losses I have known. Two of the most recent blessings have been finding this place and the people where I make my home, the other finding and joining this family here. No matter the differences or disagreements that often take place here this is a very special place. It may have taken each of us our own personal tragedy to find it but unlike the rest of the world we don't forget. Once the initial shock and fear that brought us here subsides we still come back. We still give support and compassion. That is so very special.

A few nights ago I got very upset while watcing the evening news. The remark was made that maybe so many natureal disasters are happening because Earth is trying to tell us something. Even seeing what is happening they could not use God's name! It just never occured to them that might be part if not all of the problem.

It is not my intention to try to push my beliefs on anyone. I just want to show how my life has been changed by my faith in God. It is up to each of us individually to find our peace with ourselves.

I have just one more thing to say to those of you like me who feel that when we go to an event where public prayer is no longer allowed our right to worship where and when we wish is being denied. No one can stop you from opening your heart and saying a simple "Thank you God". Isn't that what prayer really is anyway?

[Don Wood]

Lily, thanks for sharing a beautiful reflection on your life. Very inspiring to us. I have found that the trials in my life are what have made my faith deeper, my will stronger, my love more compassionate, my service to others more meaningful. And that Spirit that has helped me do that I call God. You are one of His own. Don