Leslie Z

Have felt good enough that I was not posting here. Now the medication I was taking stopped working (crizotinib) as I was told it would. I've signed on for a clinical trial. Going today for a brain MRI. Makes me want to sing and dance to Scarecrow's song in Wizard of Oz, If I Only had a Brain! La,la, la...anyway working on positivity. one daughter turned me onto Louise Hay. I like her attitude. Might as well smile! Good day to all!

Long time, no write....and I appreciate those who have been answering and supportive to my rants. I'm better these days. Am visiting my other daughter in Central California. There is a view of Morro Rock from their living room....quite dramatic! My doc reduced my dose of the oral chemo from 250 mg/2x day to 200 mg because he said that I was taking a dose for a 250 lb. man (am gaining weight and weigh about 107 lbs). However since the drug is super expensive and I still have a couple of weeks left of the 250's, I'm doing the 200's in the morning and the 250's at night. The nausea has mostly disappeared (can't tell if the drugs are taking care of that or if I've become accustomed to the med) as has the dizziness, although I am still trepidatious when standing after sitting or lying down. And I don't want to drive because I just might be a danger to others. I feel so tentative about life and am awed by the accounts of others who seem to be living their lives as though they are cured. I mentioned to a friend that my good results seen from the PET scan signaled to me a 'stay of execution' and she got after me for not being positive. i thought I was being realistic. So, here I am. Out of my element and home, wondering how to deal with it. Have been thinking about signing up for guitar lessons. Wondering how to get involved if I don't have transportation and how not to be so dependent. Am finding I do have more stamina than before and yet there are days when I feel whipped and need to rest. That happened the other day and somewhere in the afternoon, it was like a switch was thrown and, voila!, I felt good again. What a weird way to be!

I'm afraid I don't understand a lot of the shorthand being used in posts about others' medical history but seem to get the gist of what's what. My oncologist called with results of recent PET scan. I've been feeling so poorly what with unbalanced intestinal problems and dizziness as a result that I expected the worst. Turns out I'm improved from last PET. So it turns out I will stay with oral chemo and doc will work on trying to rein in my symptoms so that I can have some energy and not be dizzy. It is good news and I am cautious as I've been told the oral chemo will stop working at some point. But so far I'm hoping to feel better soon. Hopeful and wondering how I will rearrange my life.

Thanks so much for your encouraging replies to my post. I just keep thinking that this is it and I'm not going to feel any better. But I want/need to feel better in order to feel like I'm doing anything more than living day to day with symptoms and side effects. Friday I had a PET scan and successfully kept away from everyone in the house until the radioactive glucose dissipated. The baby stared at me curiously as I ate across the room and I had to keep steps ahead of her when she tried to approach me. It's an odd situation. The next day I nearly passed out which was my problem a few weeks ago when I did pass out and cut my chin and broke my jaw which fortunately didn't have to be wired but which is still sensitive. My daughter noticed as did everyone that I was on the verge of passing out and got on my case because it scares her. Yet I don't know when I'm going to pass out so how can I say something or sit to prevent my falling? So far my passing out incidents have been associated with stomach problems (to be delicate). I'm just wondering if I can feel pretty normal, even if I cannot have my super active life back of strenuous exercise, I want to be able to enjoy food (I don't), to not feel dizzy, to have enough breath to walk further than a couple of blocks. Yes, I'm in a lovely city and I know no one except for a niece and my daughter. I am hesitant to sign up for classes as I don't have the energy to stamina to do anything. Am I impatient? As all this has just been from the beginning of July. Thanks for listening to my rant and it is good to hear your encouraging stories.

I have stage 4 lung cancer. Last year I was hopeful after surgery, chemo, and radiation. I did not expect (I suppose unrealistically) a recurrence. I am now on oral chemo and doing....okay....but feeling very much in limbo. I had to leave my home (I have lived outside the US for 40 years) and am staying with one daughter (I have two). She and her husband have been an amazing support but I know the strain I put on them. I'm in a city where I know no one other than a few family members who are busy. I spend my time on the computer, reading, and going to treatments. I find myself wishing it would end and yet I'm not going to hurry the process. I just feel so in limbo and what's the point? I was very active before--yoga, hiking, and paddleboarding. Now a 5 minute workout with weights which I've started tires me. I hate to complain and I did speak to a therapist but, when I tried to make an appointment with him this week, he never answered. Just waiting......