I'm new to this site but am grateful I found it. I am unsure of what to even say and I know I won't use the proper terminology, sorry.
In November of 2004 my right lung collapsed and went to emergency because it only collapse 30% they sent me home and told me to get a follow up. I felt better and didn't, my doctor contacted me in March of this year wanting me take some tests. I did a chest xray, followed by a ct scan, and can't spell the name (the painful tube down your throat). Turns out I had cancer on the upper left lobe (which I thought was strange as it was my left lung that had collapsed, but my original chest xray from the hospital got misplaced and they figured Ijust got it wrong) and was scheduled to have the upper left lobe removed. On the day before my surgery, I was asked to do another emergency ct scan followed by a mri, turns out I had another tumor in my right lung, smaller than the one on the left almost not even visable but because of the placing of it and the fact that the cancer was in both lungs surgery was postponed. I was told that my condition was much more serious than had first been expected and with a pre existing heart condition (congenitive heart failure diagnosed at 19 after a massive heart failure) and the fact that the cancer was in both lungs, they wanted to do more test before proceeding with surgery. I did a little reading and got another opinion and it doesn't sound good. I have small cell cancer yet I feel perfectly fine, with no symptoms other than what they see in these test, which kind of scares the hell out of me.
I kind of freaked out and did absolutely nothing, refused to see the doctor's, refused treatment of any kind, I tried to read about it, something I am attempting again, but to be completely honest everytime I read about it, it sounds pretty hopeless and scares me. I really want to get some help but I also don't want to affect the quality of my life and the options the doctor's are giving me sound like my quality of life will be alter quite drastically. I know I sound like a foolish child and I should seek some type of treatment and soon because this will not get better by me wishing for it to, I'm just scared.
A little about myself. I'm 37 years old, smoker for the past 27 years, two children (12 and 13)and I am very active in my sports. The only person I have told about this is my ex-husband, who I needed to watch the children when I thought surgery was going to happen, but swore him to secrecy. The last thing I want is a bunch of people looking at me with sad eyes and treating me different.
Anyways, I am hoping to gain some knowledge and hopefully some strength to go back to the doctor and get some help before it's too late. Thanks for reading this long, long post and thanks a lot for letting me finally get it out.
