I'm new and was a caregiver for my beloved 82 yr old mom. She was married but they weren't happy and were talking divorce. He, in general seemed to be incapable of emotion and affection although when they met in the early 1990's, he treated her well, showed affection and they enjoyed being together. She and her husband (he is 4 years older) lived 90 minutes away. Mom smoked for many years, since age 17.
In March of 2011 she was diagnosed with non small cell lung cancer. She'd had a bad upper respiratory infection that was lingering. They did chest xrays and found a spot on her left lung. Sent her to a pulmonologist not long after. She had a bronchoscopy done which resulted in her official diagnosis of NSCLC, Stage 1. He told us she was fortunate it was discovered early -- we obviously agreed! She was referred to a surgeon who was excellent. In June of that same year (2011) they removed one lobe of her left lung and a part of the second lobe as well. They said she should quit smoking for surgery and STAY QUIT. She quit for surgery and was in the hospital about 7 days because of what they call "sundown psychosis" where she began hallucinating, having some paranoia etc. They kept her a bit longer to schedule a scan to make sure it wasn't worse than originally thought and perhaps had spread to the brain. It hadn't, thankfully! However about 10 days after getting out, she began smoking again. I and my family have experienced people being insensitive in our current situation because although mom did cut down, she still smoked. NONE of us approved of that and she actually agreed that it wasn't smart and she was taking a huge risk. But it didn't make a difference unfortunately. The doctor recommended frequent check ups which she did religiously, and regular PET scans which she also did without fail. Her pulmonologist said she didn't need chemo or radiation. That made me a little nervous but her scans kept coming back clean. (Her cancer was found to be squamous cell carcinoma.) After 5 years of clean scans she was declared all clear but still had regular check ups for breathing tests, and her physical.
She had several other health problems as she got older including: high blood pressure, COPD, cholesterol was somewhat elevated and she had mild emphysema and Irritable Bowel Syndrome. Mom also developed anxiety years back but that seemed to worsen as she aged. Even during her first bout of lung cancer, she was terrified of hospitals and being sick and also had developed major issues around abandonment. We think it stemmed from when she was younger and her dad abandoned the family but also, her mom who she was really close to, was hospitalized "for tests" back years ago. Shortly before that mom had taken me and we moved from NJ to Maine with her 2nd husband. Nana (mom's mother) died in hospital --of cancer. Ever since then, she couldn't handle being alone in the hospital and myself and my sister would take turns staying with her. Mom's current husband also stayed a few nights this round.
Mom was experiencing some symptoms that initially seemed random this past spring and into early July after going 12 years cancer free. We thought she had that beat after all this time and continuing regular check ups. I will elaborate on more current information about circumstances some other time but mom was admitted to the hospital on July 5th. They found fluid on her remaining right lung as well as what they described as a "mass" and a few other questionable areas including a 6.3 cm x 4 cm subcarinal lymph node. She was having difficulty maintaining her oxygen level so they put her on oxygen. I stayed with her some nights and most days. My sis had to work and has a family so she did what she could as did mom's husband. There were several doctors and hospitalists involved in mom's care. She was actually in pretty decent spirits despite her fear, talking and joking at times like normal. Several days in, the doctor removed almost a liter of fluid from her remaining lung and said they were sending it to pathology. They also did another CT scan and again told us that the mass looked highly suspicious for cancer. But no one would confirm for sure. Mom was very weak. They recommended sending her to rehab to strengthen her. Results from pathology could take a week. Mom was very clear with them that if it was cancer she wanted them to "throw everything you've got at it. I like my life and even though I'm older I want more time with my kids, grandkids and 2 great grands." The doctor said "So for example, if for some reason you were to stop breathing, you'd want us to do CPR and try to revive you despite any risk of cracked ribs?" Mom said yes.
Mom died in hospice in the early morning hours of July 25th. She'd been there not even 2 full days. We are heartbroken!!