TamHol
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Posts posted by TamHol
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That is alot of work, I'm tired just reading it all. I hope the best for you and your family. My only advise is remember to do one thing at a time if you can swing it. And make time for yourself to recoup, you'll need your rest as will everyone else will too. Ask and take the help that is available to you...realitor included.....your only one person, you can't do everything alone.
Good luck
Tammy
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This still blows me away that in 2006 common sense hasn't entered the daily lives regarding this topic. Cancer research as a whole has found that every person has the cancer cells in them. It is a tause in the dark of when and IF they become active or not. Not to mention we live on a plant that chewed a big hole in the ozone layer sitting right over top of us????? If polution is able to do that what is it that makes you think our lungs are safe? 20% of the typical "smokers lung cancer" are non smokers and growing.
Medical science says after 10 years off the cigarette a lung is back to normal. How many people have more than 10 years off the cigarette and still visit this site??? My neighbour quit 16 years ago and passed 2 weeks ago from lung cancer of which the doctor himself said did not cause this.
I personally have smokers on both sides of my parents families. They must all have lungs of steel since they live well into their 80's and die of dementia before even a smokers cough devlopes. My Dad's lung cancer maybe from working at Goodrich before they announced their chemicals were toxic back in the mid 80's.
This is not about smoking .... although it is at the very least an aggrevator, it's by far a single cause.
I'm glad you are taking a step back and seeing your feelings as they truely are ... fear of Mom gone. Getting mad in this situation is normal ... example is my Grandfathers nursing home. All they had to do was get him out of the bed more often or turn him a few more times. Then maybe he wouldn't have gotten the bedsore that became gangarine and finally posioned him to death.
Point is .......... No death regardless of it's cause is without anger and a mountain of "what if's".
Tammy
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My heart goes out to you and your family. There is no advice that can be given, I hope for a quick relief for your father.
Tammy
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My neighbour RoseMary and I have been comparing notes about the illness and it's effects. Both her husband and my Dad were diagnosed within a week of each other in Feburary. It wasn't a score card or anything, just comparision of effects and trading our worries and wondering of what is to come.
Her husband was ravaged by the lung cancer and it went to his brain within a few months. He passed away yesterday, four months after his diagnosis. I told her once before I feel like lying about my Dad's good outcome so far to the radiation etc. She laughed at me! I still feel the same way ... 10 fold now today...
I am grateful my Dad hasn't had too hard of a time with this and really hasn't progressed and become more ill. Just feel guilty since RoseMary has no one now, no family and 3 step children all plane rides away from her. It makes reality stand out more and more .........
Hmmm,
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Linda, I am very sorry to hear of your loss. She fought a hard fight.
Tammy
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Hi Linda,
I'm very sorry to hear things are getting so hard for you. As the only person to care for your Mom I can sympathise with your efforts and frustration. Although my father isn't as far advanced as your Mom, he is Manic Depressive and with that comes hilusinations, confusion and parinoia. It's horible to see them that way, but keeping the arms length away is definately a way to cope with the ringing phone and comments. I can't count the amount of times my Dad did alot of the things you discribe....that's been over a span of 20 years as Manic alone.
My 83yr old neighbour who was diagnosed in Feb/06 with lung cancer, and 5 weeks later told he's terminal. Tried to shove his 60+yr old wife in the closet and lock her in there this past weekend. I don't know why RoseMary didn't yell knowing our dogs would hear her and they'd wake us? I think she thought she could handle it, or it was her job to try to handle it. She had to admit him to the hospital, something he, during a 5 min dose of lucsidness, agreed with. He wept when he found out he didn't know her and that he hurt her at the house the night before.....
The point is the safety and concern of the ill person and the people surrounding them....the hospital deals with this everyday. Get stern with your papers in hand, even if you have to dictate to that social worker what is appropriate subjects to disguss with your mother. She can lie or give your Mom some technical garble to make her feel "in the loop", but she must chose that wisely as well. Take your papers to a lawyer, it's money well wasted if you can find your legal standing with the hospitals use of control with her. Funny how some care centers do too much for one, and not enough for another.
She won't know how much you've done or endured for her, or what you've been willing to do for her and her well being Linda. But everything you do is enough, and you too may have your 5 min's where she knows and expresses her appreciation of all your help and effort.
I hope things work out for you .... and your Mom.
Tammy
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Hi Don & Lucie,
It's wonderful to hear you and Lucie are doing so well in all categories. Have fun on your trip.
Tam
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I wish you and your family the best of luck. You have more than enough to take care of in a day, please don't forget to take care of yourself! Your no good to anyone if your running on fumes.
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Hi Linda,
I see and feel your frustration with your note and venting. Although I can relate you have to take a step back ...... this is her fight! By that I mean your good intentions and thorough research for helping your Mom are not going unnoticed. But there is a feeling of "too much reality" or "in your face information" that may be her cause for outbursts. Although you are doing exactly what she asked for, there is a difference between knowing something and hearing it. One is way more real then the other, and I'm finding with my Dad. Real is not what he wants right now, he wants to know what is possible but he doesn't want it to be attached to his every waking moment. I can understand that, they are both living this illness and sharing more than enough of their day with it. In short, listen to her ideas and wait until she asks for what information you've found. Sometimes an idea is just that ... an idea!
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You have physically been threw what most people can't even say they've experienced in a entire lifetime. Keep up the great work and "keep strong" isn't necessary since you have that completely in check... Your list will be something you "check off" as you conquer each illness!
Tammy
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My sympathy to you and your family ... may your memories give you warmth and comfort.
Tammy
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Jodi,
My sympathy to you and your family .... may all your memories be your warmth and comfort.
Tammy
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Debbie,
I'm so sorry to hear everything and all so much so fast! I found that some doctors forget the basics and personally like to remind them of them once in awhile. Respectfully of course I would ask about oxygen and blood to the brain .... remember when you spun around in circles as a kid ... same basic result! My Dad with simple pnemonia was confused, disoriented and even beligerant. It was a bad dose of pnemonia but had simular effects, as it should, the brain is cut off from maximum source of oxygen "somehow".
Don't be afraid to point out the obvious and make demands of an IV and such things. These are the basics of medical treatment .. your not asking for anything they can't provide or have in stock.
Tammy
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Hi Debbie,
I hope to hear your father is doing better very soon. I can only offer to share your simular emotions, uncertianty, and the fright you must be feeling and going threw. Threw is the key word ... and each event will not be as extreme or controled as the last. Keep talking about it to anyone who will lend an ear or willing to stand long enough. Talking is a great way to sort out your information that is changing by the day. I'm new to this lung cancer, my Dad was diagnosed in Feb/06 as well. Talking is really the only soothing thing I can offer and know right now! Hopefully someone else more experienced on this site has some other technics to offer you.
Tammy
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I’m new to this forum but I do know anxiety can cause all the symptoms your talking about. That and some ulcers can give you all the tingles and pains you’ve described. Stress is the main cause of both problems. Any heavy lifting you maybe doing can cause pinched tendants and nerves that again … will give you the same symptoms.
What if it’s not something major? You don’t know until you get there, however if it it simple …… It may not be for long!
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My Dad is a good guy with alot of bad things happening to him past and present. Although I don't beleive this cancer is any punishment of any sort, I do think his dues have been paid. He's 18 year sobber and still an avid member of AA, a Manic Depressive for over 20 years with numerous phsyciatric stays, and a massive heart attack/triple bypass 2 years ago in Aug/06. He's from a era where pride and dignety are everything when you have nothing else. Something that has been tested and put in his back pocket over and over again before. He's no stranger to "bucking up" and doing what is needed to be done!
He wasn't surprised by the emphazemia or the lung cancer diagnosis in late Feb/06, he smoked for 50 years. But he has been surprised at how this is effecting him so much and so soon and only came to surface in the fall of '05 and now be 3.8 cm.
He's sleeping more and gets tired from the most average task .... but is determined to keep his schedule. A simple schedule of attending an AA meeting weekly, playing ucker once a week, and getting lunch at the seniors center. Was once not enough to occupy him, is now all he can do. Not because of energy, mind or spirit ... but waiting for all the phone calls. It's been a week since he was tattoed for radiation and 2 since he conscented for it. Even though the simple "shortness of breath" side effect can give him a heart attack, he's chosen to go for it. His response to alot of questions was "The way I see it is if I don't do it I'll die from this. I do the radiation I may still die from it ..... but it will be later rather than sooner!"
Because of the weak heart and the fact that the radiation site is directly infront of his heart (lymphnoids included), the heart attack seems more likely. I am glad he has decided to take whatever the radiation can give him and "keep his daily schedule as usual." For that I'm hopeful he can enjoy his choice he made and lead his life on his terms and his way. But I'm not as sure he'll get what he wants this time ... he's defied the odds before. He should've been dead twice now from his heart attack and the level of phnemonia he had when he didn't take of his cold. See he still does that manly thing .... It'll pass! I know he's happy with what he's done to this point, and he's been alone with Mom gone 13 years now! It just seems this is so cruel given what he's endured already!
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A month after his 60th in '04 he spent his month long vacation in the hospital recouperating from a triple bypass. In Feburary (06) he was in the hospital with pnemonia, true regular pnemonia ... which he nearly died from when it put his heart into distress. His heart took a beating from the pnemonia and is now twice as weak as it once was.
My Dad is 62yr's old this year and now has been diagnosed lung cancer....stage lllB. It comes in threes and hopefully he'll duck and dodge this bullet too ........ but it's already taking it's toll on him since Feb. He has his radiation tattoos and just waiting for the call with his first appointment date and time. My sister's and I don't know who to believe and take their perfessional "warnings". The radiation doctor is a bit of a quack meaning he shifted a miscommunication error onto my sister already ... not a good sign! There have been two very different levels of concern with the fact that the cancer tumor is directly infront of the heart and is the radiation site. The radiation doctor says "NO problem" of the anticipated effects of the direct radiation towards my Dad's already weak heart. The family doctor has us scared out of our witts and now we are talking to our kids about "if Popa seems like...or if he can't catch his breath....Don't be surprised if..." In reality it's not a bad thing for the kids to know and what to do if it does happen ...... but we still don't know the "likely effects" for him! It's bad enough no one knows better than a "guessimate", but it's not helpful when educated doctor's can't agree on a level of concern!
I've read some of the formum notes and radaitation in the vasinity of the spine giving massive leg pain ... I immediately visualized that senario with my Dad's problems! Faith, common sense, or gutt feeling ... any way you look at it ... that ticker can't take much more of anything!
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So Mad
in CAREGIVER RESOURCE CENTER
Posted
I've re-read the posting in this topic and haven't found one that says "Awww, it's all in your head ... go have a smoke and be happy". I saw nothing but people supporting the fact that smoking is a contributor and one of a few that are voluntary. The true message is, as I read it "get your head out of the sand and see the whole picture." As well as "past and 'what if's' are done ... deal with what you have NOW."
Passionate beliefs are a personal belief or standard, all of which is fine to have ... It's when you take that personal belief and use it against another to make them feel something, usually a form of pain or humilitation. Often people forget that the message is there and well known to that person. But tend to forget ... no one can kick or blame a person harder than themselves. When we stepped out of the office after my Dad was told, I asked him "you okay!" It was the first thing out of his mouth "after 50 years smoking, what can you expect." Sounds to me like that's one person taking responsibility for his actions. I'm a smoker myself (quiting? - yes slowly getting there. Not in the house and respectfully move away from others!) So I have nothing but respect for his comment. Although Goodrich employees, still 20 years later, are rittled with cancers and nirological conditions -- non smokers included. He doesn't take that fact into concideration as a possible added contributor ... he just says "I knew the risks everytime I lite one."
Doesn't any of it make me angry? No! Everyone of us will die ... some will walk across the road, others will die in our sleep.
On a lighter note ...... why is it okay to make comments to me directly about smoking and it's smell and second hand smoke. But it's "not nice" if I tell someone their perfume/colone reicks to high heaven or they're wearing W-A-Y to much of it as it literally chokes me and instantly gives me a mirgrain?????
I know ..... there is little sympathy but those mirgrains hurt and the lingering taste in your mouth cause you have no choice but to inhale the crap. I would L-O-V-E a "one spray" limit on all the bottles!
Tammy