Agnes Harris Page #l June 21, 2006 Page #l
CANCER: A NEW WORLD
Having cancer is the best and the worse thing that ever happened to me. It changed my
lifestyle and opened doors I never thought were open to me. While cancer can have a crippling
effect on its victims; it definitely can become the catalyst of a new life. Before it struck, I had a
job. I managed a forklift and heavy equipment parts department. I knew my job and performed
it well during my 24 year career. Then, I received the news from my doctor, “YOU HAVE
LUNG CANCER,” and I was devastated. Without a doubt, this disease affects people
emotionally, physically, and intellectually.
When presented with the ill-fated news, one of the first things the word “cancer” will
affect is a person’s emotions. One may feel depressed, afraid; or have no idea what to say or do.
Some feel they are in a trance because they do not see and hear anything for awhile. Others are
in such shock that all they can do is cry and feel sorry for themselves. To these people I say,
“Stand up and fight for your life. There is hope.” When I found out about my lung cancer, I was
shocked, scared, and confused. All I could think was, “What do I do now? Is this the end or the
BEGINNING?” My mind was in constant turmoil. I didn't know who I could talk to about all of
my fears. Certainly I couldn’t confide in my family. I tried to hide my feelings from everyone
including them.
After the fist wave of shock, the next couple of months for many patients are full of doctor
appointments and tests to find out the extent of the cancer. Tests for lung cancer may include
blood tests, an MRI, CAT scan, breathing test, and also a PET scan. When the tests are done, the
victim and some of their allies are ready to visit the surgeon. This phase may go better than
expected or worse depending on the results of the multitude of tests conducted. Patients may not
be prepared when the surgeon questions, “What do you want me to do if during surgery I find
evidence of more cancer?” In my case, the only thing I could reply was, “Remove whatever you
have to in order to eliminate it.”
Finally the day cancer survivors have waited for with apprehension arrives. Upon
awakening from the ordeal, many are surrounded by family and friends. This group may be the
ones who share the results of the procedure with the still groggy patient. For some the news will
be the best they could hope for, while others will find the extent of their illness to be more
serious than anticipated. Either way, recovery from lung cancer surgery can involve a great deal
of pain.
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I was not prepared for the pain I was in after they took me off of the morphine drip. The doctor
checked my wound, told me to hold my breath and not to move no matter what, and then
removed the chest tube which had helped remove fluid from my lungs. The pain was
excruciating, and I cried like a baby. Like other patients, I would need the emotional and
physical support of others to be able to leave the hospital the next day and cope with my needs. I
convalesced at my son and daughter-in-law’s house. Just standing to go to the bathroom resulted
in panic attacks which took away my breath making me think my oxygen was not functioning
properly. I learned to breathe all over again. Their assistance comforted me as I healed
physically.
While healing, some cancer patients are able to return to work, at least part-time, while
others require an extensive medical leave. The emotional issues can escalate if for some reason
people lose their jobs. I received a call from work about an important meeting. Little did I know,
they were laying me off because the business was not doing well. How would I survive now? I
had no job, no money, and only half a lung. Before this I grossed $14.50 an hour and now I had
nothing. Things suddenly changed from bad to worse. Was cancer a punishment or were new
doors opening to me? I couldn't think of one good reason to thank God for bringing me through
this ordeal. In other words, all I did was lounge around feeling sorry for myself, suck on oxygen,
and stress about all of the bills that needed to be paid. My body was beginning to heal
physically, but emotionally I felt like I was near the bottom of a deep pit.
For cancer survivors, a stimulus for change can be the beginning of emotional healing. My
renewal came in the form of my grandson. One afternoon after school he burst in the front door
and asked me if I would attend school with him the next day. Why not, I thought. I had nothing
better to do. I accompanied him to school the rest of the school year. My new door had opened.
His first grade teacher, the children, and staff all made me feel welcome and needed. One act of
kindness toward my grandson turned into a life raft for me. I was determined to help him and
his classmates become proficient readers, problem solvers, and lovers of learning.
Cancer does not need to end the life it invaded. The disease may cause the owner to
reevaluate life. Some survivors change careers, others become involved in raising money to
research the disease, while some become involved in community activities that take on new
meaning during their illness. For me, lung cancer gave me a new beginning. During my
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recovery, I needed to be needed in order to feel like I had a purpose. Besides, one doesn’t have
time to dwell on personal problems in a room full of energetic first graders.
As strange as it seems, cancer had a positive impact on my life. I thank God, my grandson,
and his first grade teacher for taking advantage of all the skills I had to offer. I may be helping
others, but they have helped me in ways they may never know. Even though cancer invaded my
body and played with my emotions this ordeal has helped to mold me into the confident person
that I am. Because of cancer and my time at school, I was empowered to return to school as a
student. I realize from the time I spent in the upper elementary grades this year that I have the
ability to learn new skills. Like the kids, I just need to apply myself and believe I can. Yes,
every cloud has a silver lining. My cancer cloud set me on a new path in life, and I am
recovering physically and emotionally while I grow intellectually.
