My name is Aubree. My Dad was diagnosed with Non Small Cell Lung Cancer in May of 2007. This was due to the two pack a day habit he had since his late teens. At first we were hopeful. He had very successful chemo and radiation treatments in the summer of 2007, and in September he had his left lung removed. We had every reason to believe that after that, my Dad would be cancer free. In January of 2008, the doctors came to us and told us there were microscopic cancer cells in other parts of his body, and that he would always have cancer. We were still hopeful. People I have known have lived with cancer for many years, and I looked forward to many more years with my father. However, every chemo that was tried after that were ineffective, and dad developed heart problems late 2008. I lived 20 hours away, and was very dependent on what Dad told me about how he was feeling. Every day I would talk to him sometimes 4 times a day, and he would assure me he felt fine, even when he had to go on oxygen because the cancer had spread to his only lung. Dad went downhill very fast, and still I was in the dark. Dad died February 3, 2009 in the hospital, after he had been told there were no treatment options left and he had maybe 3 weeks left. I didn't make it home in time. The last time I had been home was in July 2008. I hate myself for it. I am having a very hard time grieving, not wanting to think about anything. I'm hoping I may hear from some people here who may have had an experience similar to mine, or just someone who had lost someone to this horrible disease. I miss him so much, he was my best friend. I am having a hard time grieving. It's been close to two months now and I can't think about it, can't cry about it. Any advice I could get would be great. Thanks.