minnie

You all are so RIGHT. But no matter how much I know that she is an adult and my mom, I sometimes still feel like it might be time for a little bit of role reversal.
I know that sounds so crazy, but dealing with someone so close to you that has lung cancer sometimes seems to make you crazy.
I've read a lot of posts where those that are fighting this disease often rely on medications to 'keep the edge off.' Sometimes I feel like I need them.
I find myself lately just very depressed and always looking into the future with the 'what ifs.' Like, what if she becomes seriously ill tomorrow, or what if she dies unexpectedly and I'm not there. It's horrible.
Not only that, but sometimes I find it very difficult to concentrate on my studies. And if I fail, that will make her so disappointed, I know, but how do I get through this? Especially being so far away?
I can tell in her voice when I talk to her when she doesn't feel so well, I even broke down one night while I was talking to her on the phone. I don't want to do that. I don't want her to worry about me. I want her to concentrate on herself. But sometimes, I'll just be sitting in class, think about her, and I've got to leave before the tears start coming. Or other times I just have to sleep. Not that I am exhausted, but it feels like my brain just needs to shut off for a while. She would absolutley kill me if she knew all this was going on. And like I said before, sometimes it's just too hard to try to talk to people who don't understand what you are going through.
I really appreciate the replys, especially from the mothers. You give me a perspective that I know is full of unconditional love for your children. Thank you so much.
Enough of my rambling again ... until next time!
Minnie

You all are so RIGHT. But no matter how much I know that she is an adult and my mom, I sometimes still feel like it might be time for a little bit of role reversal.
I know that sounds so crazy, but dealing with someone so close to you that has lung cancer sometimes seems to make you crazy.
I've read a lot of posts where those that are fighting this disease often rely on medications to 'keep the edge off.' Sometimes I feel like I need them.
I find myself lately just very depressed and always looking into the future with the 'what ifs.' Like, what if she becomes seriously ill tomorrow, or what if she dies unexpectedly and I'm not there. It's horrible.
Not only that, but sometimes I find it very difficult to concentrate on my studies. And if I fail, that will make her so disappointed, I know, but how do I get through this? Especially being so far away?
I can tell in her voice when I talk to her when she doesn't feel so well, I even broke down one night while I was talking to her on the phone. I don't want to do that. I don't want her to worry about me. I want her to concentrate on herself. But sometimes, I'll just be sitting in class, think about her, and I've got to leave before the tears start coming. Or other times I just have to sleep. Not that I am exhausted, but it feels like my brain just needs to shut off for a while. She would absolutley kill me if she knew all this was going on. And like I said before, sometimes it's just too hard to try to talk to people who don't understand what you are going through.
I really appreciate the replys, especially from the mothers. You give me a perspective that I know is full of unconditional love for your children. Thank you so much.
Enough of my rambling again ... until next time!
Minnie