minnie Posted January 18, 2003 Share Posted January 18, 2003 I think I finally managed to get back to this message board. I love the format. Just a little update on my mother. I went home for Christmas and got to spend about 2 weeks with my mom and my family. It was an exciting and sad time. It was my first time to go with my mother to chemotherapy. That was a bit disheartening. I had to excuse myself several times because I didn't want her to see me cry. I thought it would upset her. But, I did get to finally meet her oncologist, and he answered all the questions that I had. The worst part of my visit was seeing my mother with the side effects of chemo. She would always tell me she was fine after chemo, but I saw that she still was very tired and she did vomit for the first two days after chemo. She also had to take shots to build up her CBC and to hear her moaning in pain and to see her cry from the shots was unbearable. It's so hard beeing so far away, but she insists that I continue grad school and finish so she can see me graduate. But all I can think about is putting my life on hold and spending as much time with her as possible. But she refuses to hear such things. But anyway, this is her last round of chemo before she starts radiation in March. At the last scan in November, the tumor in her lung had shrunken a little more than 2 cm. She will have another scan in February, so we just pray and hope. Thanks for listening to me rant and rave. This is about the only outlet that I have. I really don't like to "burden" my classmates with this becuase I fell like I'm intruding on their "happy" lives. Minnie Mother diagnosed with stage 3b NSLC Sept. 02 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cindy RN Posted January 19, 2003 Share Posted January 19, 2003 Dear dear Minnie. Your mother is doing what all of us moms do. We do what is best for you children, I know!! You are an adult, let me tell you as long as you are alive you are her 'child'. I have 3 kids, 25,23, and 16. There are days when I want to crawl in bed but one of them has something important for me to see or do. Your mom knows you need to finish school and she does not want her disease to stop you from doing it. Go on and do it. Just call her often, drop her a card once in awhile, write her a poem or just a letter telling her what she means to her. I know that those things mean so much to me. Your mother knows best, do what she tells you Mally and Fred G 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gail Posted January 28, 2003 Share Posted January 28, 2003 I agree with Cindy. We moms just want to do our mom stuff. I was home a week from my mastectomy and writing a big health report with my then 12 year old. I remember I had taken a nap, and saved my pain pill for that time. We want our life to be as normal as possible. And I also remember not wanting people lurking. I didn't like feeling that I was being watched. You can find a way to connect. Keep breathing. Fred G and Mally 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiny Posted January 29, 2003 Share Posted January 29, 2003 Gail, I love your sign off: "Keep Breathing" !!! That pretty much sums it up! Smiles, Tiny Fred G and Mally 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
minnie Posted January 29, 2003 Author Share Posted January 29, 2003 You all are so RIGHT. But no matter how much I know that she is an adult and my mom, I sometimes still feel like it might be time for a little bit of role reversal. I know that sounds so crazy, but dealing with someone so close to you that has lung cancer sometimes seems to make you crazy. I've read a lot of posts where those that are fighting this disease often rely on medications to 'keep the edge off.' Sometimes I feel like I need them. I find myself lately just very depressed and always looking into the future with the 'what ifs.' Like, what if she becomes seriously ill tomorrow, or what if she dies unexpectedly and I'm not there. It's horrible. Not only that, but sometimes I find it very difficult to concentrate on my studies. And if I fail, that will make her so disappointed, I know, but how do I get through this? Especially being so far away? I can tell in her voice when I talk to her when she doesn't feel so well, I even broke down one night while I was talking to her on the phone. I don't want to do that. I don't want her to worry about me. I want her to concentrate on herself. But sometimes, I'll just be sitting in class, think about her, and I've got to leave before the tears start coming. Or other times I just have to sleep. Not that I am exhausted, but it feels like my brain just needs to shut off for a while. She would absolutley kill me if she knew all this was going on. And like I said before, sometimes it's just too hard to try to talk to people who don't understand what you are going through. I really appreciate the replys, especially from the mothers. You give me a perspective that I know is full of unconditional love for your children. Thank you so much. Enough of my rambling again ... until next time! Minnie Fred G and Mally 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DaveG Posted January 29, 2003 Share Posted January 29, 2003 Minnie: You mentioned several "what if's" Here's one you should mention, and remember; "What if she survives and beats this". Think about that one. Mally and Fred G 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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