My Uncle Ownie passed away March 13th, 2004 from LC. In a recent email to my Aunt, his sister, I realized I had more thoughts in my head that needed to be expressed and not held in for no one to hear. My uncle had a lung removed about a year ago due to LC, I wasn't there for it and I feel real bad about that. Everything had went well, he was up and ready to go shortly after surgery and was doing good but a year later we lost him to an asthma attack. I only saw him a few times in the past few years, if that, I guess I always thought he would just be there, right where he always was. I was able to see him this past Christmas and was there when he passed and I am thankful for that. I think about him alot, trying to think of memories and sometimes thinking he is just on vacation and I'll see him one day soon. Mostly I think about my aunts, uncles and cousins, who lost their brother, husband and dad and can't imagine how they deal with it or how they are feeling. My family is great, the best and we have been so fortunate to have gone many many years without someone passing away. I was always afraid of this happening some day to someone in my life, and I tried to prepare myself thinking of what it would be like. I never knew what to say to anyone who lost someone, I couldn't relate and couldn't imagine what they were feeling and what they needed to hear or want someone to say. Now I still don't have any answers and I'm not sure if there are any. I live about 8 hrs from my family and feel like I need to run home and be there in fear of it happening again and feeling so sad right now that I am not there. I look at my dad and want to cry, he's very open about it if you ask but I hate that he is hurting and missing his brother and although he seems strong he seems very sad. I have moved around alot experiencing life and wanting to see the world. Something clicked a few years ago when someone told me to go, move, see the world...you only live once. And it shed a light that day for me to see all that I can see and do things I want to do in my life. I guess my message today is for my family -that I will always love them and will always miss them wherever I am and wish for them to be able to keep going and hope for the pain they are feeling to be less each day.
