Hi

[cmeandk]

Hello- Just thought I would give everyone an update on my Dad. The "yellowing" of his skin and the whites of his eyes was caused by a tumor in his liver pressing against the bile duct. The preformed an ERCP to put in a stent into the duct. So far so good.

As far as hospice goes, right after the Onc mentioned hospice, my Dad had chemo (which is a contradiction in terms,right?). He was sick for three days, of course, then on day four he suddenly could walk......without pain and without a cain. He has been doing absolutely wonderful. He is even talking about maybe returning to work maybe one day a week.

I guess I am just so confused. I am absolutely thrilled that he is doing very well, but on the other hand I am also scared.

Two weeks ago we were thinking hospice and now we are thinking cure! My younger sisiter even moved home from Baltimore with her two young children to spend some time with dad. And left her husband at home.

I want to think positive and think every thing just might be okay, but I am afraid. Afraid of hoping. Afraid of not hoping.

You here all kinds of things from friends....and friends of friends. One friend's grandmother had lung cancer for a year. She started to feel really good, even playing tennis the day before she passed.

It is such a rollercoaster ride that changes day to day and week to week.

The Onc said he would give Dad chemo until Dad said it was enough. Why would the doctor mention Hospice only to give Dad chemo that day? Will the onc tell us when he thinks Dad can't have anymore chemo.

I am sorry to ramble on like this. I am just very confused. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

[Addie]

I want to think positive and think every thing just might be okay, but I am afraid. Afraid of hoping. Afraid of not hoping.

You here all kinds of things from friends....and friends of friends. One friend's grandmother had lung cancer for a year. She started to feel really good, even playing tennis the day before she passed.

It is such a rollercoaster ride that changes day to day and week to week.

Your comments above, about say it all. But hope is something you need to hang onto because if you don't have hope, you won't be able to appreciate however much time you DO have left with Dad.

Everyone is different...so what happened with a friend's grandmother may or may not apply to your situation. Don't let such thoughts muddy your own perspective on your dad and the time you have with him.

Yes...this all is very much a roller coaster ride sometimes. But it sounds like your dad has had some real improvement with getting that bile duct unplugged. Sounds too, like he's got a positive attitude and that will serve him well. I hope he can return to work for that one day, if that is something he looks forward to doing.

Try to enjoy this improvement and as for wondering about the doc's comments about hospice while still doing chemo.....well, you'll have to ask the doc...but perhaps he was just preparing you for the fact that at some point, Hospice may well be a good idea.

Doctors are only human too...and sometimes I think their patients surprise them by responding or doing better than they expected! Maybe your dad's reactions after this last chemo were better than the doctor anticipated, eh?

I'm glad your sis and her kids will have some time to spend with your dad too. How can that be anything but good....no matter what ultimately happens, huh?

Don't worry about rambling on....we all do it from time to time. Cancer doesn't give us any guarantees....but then again, neither does Life, does it? Just try to appreciate the good days, the time you have with your dad and ask as many questions as you need to try to relieve the confusion. That would be my best advice.

I try to live as normally as I can when I'm feeling good...and on the days I don't feel so good, well....I don't push myself. But however much time I end up getting...I'm not going to waste one more day of it in confusion, worry, angst or depression than I have to!! Maybe your dad feels that way too....and maybe it's an attitude you can adopt!

Hope some of this helped. I'll be thinking of you.....

[SDianneB]

"I guess I am just so confused. I am absolutely thrilled that he is doing very well, but on the other hand I am also scared.

Two weeks ago we were thinking hospice and now we are thinking cure! "

Ain't that the truth! It's what many here refer to as the roller-coaster of this awful disease.

When I was first diagnosed, I tried sorting out my hope from the dread in terms of a mental scale -- like the scale of justice. Hope goes up, dread goes down, and vice versa. Once I came to terms with things better, it soon just became a hope scale! I could rid myself of the dread by putting things into perspective, and one that made sense to me. Mine was that when I wondered if I would have another birthday, I figured that before the cancer diagnosis, I didn't know for sure that I'd have another birthday either. We just don't know those things -- none of us do.

For now, I'm looking at my cancer as a chronic disease and not necessarily a killer. I have no idea what is to come or what kind of a future I will have, but I didn't know that before I had cancer either.

My very best to you and your family. This is very difficult, and you're in the right place to share those kinds of thoughts and feelings.

Take care.

Di

[Roseymac]

Glad to hear your Dad is doing better, I have been thinking about you since your last post about the Doc Mentioning Hospice.

The Chemo should take care of the liver mets.

Rosemary

[Don Wood]

No advice to offer. Just hang in there and enjoy the good times. Don