The Gambler

[lilyjohn]

The IRS decides to audit Ralph, and summons him to the IRS office.

The IRS auditor is not surprised when Ralph shows up with his attorney.

>

> The auditor says, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no

full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money

000. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable."

>

> "I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Ralph. "How about a

demonstration?"

>

> The auditor thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead."

>

> Ralph says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own

eye."

>

> The auditor thinks a moment and says, "No way! It's a bet."

>

> Ralph removes his glass eye and bites it.

>

> The auditor's jaw drops. Ralph says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand

dollars that I can bite my other eye."

>

> The aud itor can tell Ralph isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

>

> Ralph removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

>

> The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand,

with Ralph's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

>

> "Want to go double or nothing?" Ralph asks.

> "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your

desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a

drop anywhere in between."

>

> The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and

decides there's no way this guy can manage that stunt, so he agrees

again.

>

> Ralph stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he

strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on other

side, so he pretty much urinates all over the desk.

>

> The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major

loss into a huge win. But Ralph's attorney moans and puts his head in his

hands.

>

> "Are you okay?" the auditor asks.

>

> "Not really," says the attorney. "This morning, when Ralph told me he'd

been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty thousand dollars that he

could come in here and pis_ all over an IRS official's desk and that

you'd be happy

> about it."