Stress Diet

[Andrea B.]

Stress Diet

Breakfast:

* 1/2 grapefruit

* 1 slice whole wheat toast

* 8 oz. skim milk

Lunch:

* 4 oz. lean broiled chicken breast

* 1 cup steamed spinach

* 1 cup herb tea

* 1 Oreo cookie

Mid-Afternoon Snack:

* The rest of Oreos in the package

* 2 pints Rocky Road ice cream nuts, cherries and whipped cream

* 1 jar hot fudge sauce

Dinner:

* 2 loaves garlic bread

* 4 cans or 1 large pitcher Coke

* 1 large sausage, mushroom and cheese pizza

* 3 Snickers bars

Late Evening News:

* Entire frozen Sara Lee cheesecake (eaten directly from freezer)

Rules for This Diet:

* If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.

* If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are canceled out by the diet soda.

* When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you do not eat more than they do.

* Foods used for medicinal purposes NEVER count,

such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.

* If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.

* Movie-related foods do not have additional calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel.

Examples: Milk Duds, buttered popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots and Tootsie Rolls.

* Cookie pieces contain no calories.

* The process of breaking causes calorie leakage.

* Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something.

* Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories.

Examples are: spinach and pistachio ice cream; mushrooms and mashed potatoes.

* Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other food color.

* Anything consumed while standing has no calories. This is due to gravity and the density of the caloric mass.

* Anything consumed from someone else's plate has no calories since the calories rightfully belong to the other person and will cling to his/her plate. (We ALL know how calories like to cling!)

* REMEMBER THIS: STRESSED SPELLED BACKWARDS IS DESSERTS!!!!