Getting used to the "New Normal"

[curlysue50]

I feel kind of "normal" sometimes. But, I am sort of afraid to let myself feel that way. Does that make any sense?

I posted this in the Just for Fun forum yesterday, but it got my thinking. Katie posted this in response:

I've heard this before and I've felt it to a smaller degree with my own cancer and then with other struggles...normal things feel familiar and that's kind of scary...because are you getting "back" to normal or are you lulling yourself into a security that really isn't so secure? because life changes on a dime...

For me it felt like a limbo between the old normal that I missed and the new one I was trying to get used to....and odd place to sit in.....

I say throw normal out the window and dress up like someone else completely

I have spent some time in the last year, living life frantically as if it were going to end tomorrow. And then I have spent other time totally paralyzed because I was not sure anything I did would be meaningful. Or if it would even matter. And now I am getting some forward movement. Cleaning out closets without giving away everything. Getting a pool membership and committing to going 2-3 times a week. Getting and staying involved with LCSC to be there to support others with lung cancer or loved ones with lung cancer who are trying to figure out what their lives will be like. I can never be "Susan without cancer" again. I am learning to be "Susan with cancer". Where cancer is not the only thing that defines me.

I was wondering how others, especially those with late stage cancer have dealt with this issue. Not living your life in denial, but not living at a frantic pace so that you miss some of the sloooooow stuff that makes life so enjoyable. Thoughts on this?

Susan

[dianew]

I have spent some time in the last year, living life frantically as if it were going to end tomorrow. And then I have spent other time totally paralyzed because I was not sure anything I did would be meaningful.

I know these extremes well. It's taken a long time, but I think I've gotten to the point where I realize that whether we are ill or not life can only go at a frantic pace just so long and I have gotten over that feeling. I struggle more with the second part of your statement. I think one of the reasons I do as much volunteer work as I am physically able to is because I feel like I am making a difference today, which will somehow count even if I'm not here tomorrow. Sometimes I feel badly because I realize that I may not be here when these new grandchildren are old enough to remember me, but I try to focus on the fact that one of the positive things about having a disease like cancer is that we have the opportunity to make a deliberate efffort to take even the smallest of moments and make them special. I know before cancer I was working all the time and always in a hurry. I had great intentions, but quite often just didn't realize how precious time is - no matter how much of it we may have. There's a saying about life not being about the destination but about the journey, and I think cancer is the same way. It sure does help to know that most of us struggle with the same feelings and we are not alone.

Thanks for sharing this.

[curlysue50]

Thanks, Diane. It is one of those things I am not obsessing over, but it sits in a corner of my mind and I pull it out once in awhile. Mull it over. No one has told me that I need to try and have profound obsservations about my life, but I do try to understand and respect my feelings about having cancer. It is not always fun, but when I get some understanding or insight about myself, it does bring some relief and peace to my heart. Thanks for sharing your observations and wisdom. It touches my heart.

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