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Only in America


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Subject: Only in America

1. Only in America.......can a pizza get to

your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in America.......are there

handicap parking places in front of a

skating rink.

3. Only in America.....do drugstores

make the sick walk all the way to the

back of the store to get their

prescriptions while healthy people can buy

cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in America.......do people order

double cheeseburgers, large fries,

and a diet coke.

5. Only in America.......do banks leave

both doors open and then chain the

pens to the counters.

6. Only in America.......do we leave cars

worth thousands of dollars in the

driveway and put our useless junk in the


7. Only in America.......do we use

answering machines to screen calls and

then have call waiting so we won't miss a

call from someone we didn't want

to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in America.....do we buy hot dogs in packages

of ten and buns in packages of eight.

9. Only in America......do we use the

word 'politics' to describe the process so well:

'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and

'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

10. Only in America......do they have

drive-up ATM machines with Braille



Why the sun lightens our hair, but

darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth


Why don't you ever see the headline

"Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do


Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you

have to click on "Start"?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial

flavor, and dishwashing liquid made

with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a


Why is the time of day with the slowest

traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

When dog food is new and improved

tasting, who tests it?

Why didn't Noah swat those two


Why do they sterilize the needle for

lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box

that is used on airplanes? Why don't

they make the whole plane out of that


Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when

they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is

Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call

the airport the terminal?

Now that you've smiled at least once,

it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this

to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a

chuckle)....in other words, send it to everyone. We

all need to smile every once in a while.

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