I have been dreading writing this because it hurts to relive the past two months, but here goes nothing. It all started on September 12, 2004. It was a normal Sunday afternoon until mid-afternoon. My mom has been living with us (my husband, and three children) since April while her house is being built. We were out in the backyard talking, when all of a sudden, she stopped making sense. I can't put into words how terrified I became. She had complained of a headache about an hour earlier, but she is prone to migraines, so she took one of her magic pills and seemed to be doing better. I immediately went into the house and got my husband. I told him that I thought she was having a stroke. After observing her for a minute or so, he said to call an ambulance. Our lives were to be forever changed and no longer will I feel total happiness or security.
At our local hospital, they did a CT scan and said that she had had a stroke, but there were some spots on her brain that they didn't know what were so they were sending her to Fresno. Before they could get her transportation arranged, she had a seizure and they had to sedate her. She was then put on a ventilator and flown by helicopter to UMC in Fresno.
She had been in Fresno about 3 hours when her doctors informed us that she had not had a stroke, but that she had suspicious spots on her brain (3). Over the next 11 days, we would be told she had a parasite on her brain, that she might have valley fever (cocci), and finally on September 21, 2004 we received the news that she had lung cancer and brain mets.
I have been dreading those words since I was a young girl. My mother had been a heavy smoker for almost 50 years and my grandmother died in 1991 from lung cancer. After completely falling apart for a few days, I decided that I wasn't going to let this dreaded disease steal her from us without a major battle.
To completely understand my situation, I must give you a little history. My parents divorced in 1983 and from then on my mother and I have been inseparable. She is my best friend and my whole world! To think of living one second in a world without her is too much for me bare. I will never be truly happy again.
The ugly diagnosis is small cell lung cancer in the lymph nodes around her trachea and 3 brain mets. There are also 2 other spots, one under her breasts and one further in. She also has Superior Vena Cava Syndrome. She had 10 radiation treatments on her brain and has just complete her sixth chemo treatment (carboplatin and another that has I can't remeber but starts with an e). She also was on Decadron during her radiation.
She went through the first session of chemo fine. This one has caused a lot of nausea and she has a hard time eating because she says everything tastes metallic. Radiation caused her scalp to blister and she was in agony.
I try to keep an upbeat attitude for her. Inside I am dying. I have three kids who worship her. My baby is barely 3 and I wonder if she will remember her "ramma" when she dies. I am so scared. Thank you for listening. I welcome any comments.
Thank you!
Heather M.
