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Treebywater

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    hospice

    in MEMBER UPDATES

    Posted

    :(

    I'm sorry that you are in this part of the journey. I wish you peace and memories and as much joy for all of your family as this difficult time can hold.

    I have admired you from day one, Don. For the record.

    Dad Needs a CT and we need some prayers

    in HOPE

    Posted

    So I thought I'd ask you all to pray, since no one knows better why I'm having to work so hard at NOT freaking out over this.

    Dad had a kidney ultrasound this week. During the u/s, they found a mass. Dad told me that the doctor said, "It's either cancer or nothing."

    He'll be having a CT on Wednesday.

    I know I shouldn't worry til we have something to worry about, and I'm doing an ok job of that except when I'm not.

    Still it is scary, and it's quite a week to have this hanging over our heads, you know?

    So pray for Daddy, if you would.

    Approaching Three Years and Avoidance

    in GRIEF

    Posted

    Next Friday it will be three years since I lost my Mom.

    By some coincidence of the universe (or not) I'm actually going to be back at Dad's next week, staying in the room where she took her last breath (and I think to myself suddenly--PLEASE let this NOT be the visit where they've decided to change the curtains in there!). My Gramma is in failing health and I feel like I need to get there to see her. We were supposed to go this week, but the girls and I all got a really mean virus and we had to postpone. Thus meaning that we'll be there for "The Day." For a large part of "The Week."

    I'm planning on doing my usual that day. Getting a some roses and milkshakes and taking them to a cancer center for the folks getting infusions. It's just that, this time it will be Mom's infusion center.

    So all of that feels significant, but what really feels odd is the fact that I want to be so detached from it all this year. I don't know if that is good or bad. I don't know if it is healing or denial. I am leaning closer to denial, though I know that in some ways it's healthy not to dwell on these things.

    With the circumstances, I almost feel like it's survival to not "go there" too much. To be IN the house with Dad and his wife back to see the scorchy grass of July in Illinois, to feel the heat, and to hear the Cicadas singing like I did that year, and that week.

    I keep thinking about it and retreating. The last two years I obsessively went over again and again every little moment that I could remember. I catalogued and re-catalogued every instant. I refelt every feeling.

    This year, I can't. I don't want to. It hurts too badly and I can't afford to hurt that badly. It feels like avoidance and survival. But I don't know if it's healthy or harmful for me.

    Regardless, I'll do the best I can. I trust that God will lead me into the feelings I need to feel and support me in them. And I trust that the week will be what it is. About Mom, and about the life that is in front of me now.

    It just feels really weird this year.

    Out of Options & Vacation Plans

    in LC SURVIVORS

    Posted

    Whidbey Island Washington is beautiful! (And then I could meet you!) Lots of B and Bs and cottage type places up here.

    I love the Outer Banks of North Carolina personally.

    And I also LOVE Hawaii.

    Alaska would be amazing this time of year too....

    So many options, Ms. Carole.

    Way to go for pushing this far through your 'expiration date,' and I hope you have LOTS more HIGH quality days to spend living it up.

    Alimta side effects?

    in NSCLC GROUP

    Posted

    Mom's reaction to Alimta was JUST like that. I was suprised too, as I'd heard it was more tolerable for some. But from what I've read here, Alimta can be very, very hard on some people.

    I hope it's blasting the cancer!

    Two Weeks

    in GRIEF

    Posted

    I watched a movie last night called "Two Weeks." I went into it knowing that it was probably going to stir up some feelings that I haven't been attending to in some time, and I decided that was ok.

    Anyway--the movie chronicles the life of the mother of four siblings... her experiences on hospice, dying, their experiences relating to one another, processing their grief differently.

    It's funny, and really gets the humaness of the whole experience--which is something that most movies and such don't do. They go for the sentimental but not the human, laugh in the middle of the worst day of your life, kind of thing that you go through when you lose some one.

    It wasn't an easy movie to watch, but I'm glad I did.

    So I thought that I would throw this out there. I think it's a movie for someone to watch only when they feel ready if we've walked the road that we've walked here in this forum. But if you are at a place where you can do so, I found it to be very good. It felt good somehow to be able to weigh my experience with Mom against what had happened to this family. And ok, seriously, I cried and sobbed last night in a way I haven't in a very long time... But even that felt right.

    So for what it's worth--Val's review of "Two Weeks."

    Seraphina--Non LC related prayer request

    in HOPE

    Posted

    Some very good friends of our have a little girl five months younger than Carolyn. She was born with Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome, which basically means that only half of her heart (the right side) is developed well enough to function. She had her first open-heart surgery before she was a week old, and her second before she was six months old.

    Tomorrow morning she will go in for another heart surgery--not open heart this time--to try to improve her heart function. If that succeeds and she gains enough ground, she'll be able to have the third stage of open-heart surgeries to address the challenges of HLHS.

    Anyway, if you could pray for her tomorrow, that would be awesome. It's just a really scary thing for all of them.

    My New Life..Minus Dad...

    in GRIEF

    Posted

    Oh Michele....

    First of all, I feel so bad. I never did get back with you. I'm so sorry.

    Second of all, I'm just heartsick for you. I'm sorry that that relationship is gone too. I'm sorry that he was so disrespectful and uncaring for you and your sisters. I'm sorry that you have hurt upon hurt.

    Please know that I support you--that we support you. You don't deserve to be treated this way. I'm glad you are taking care of yourself and that you are beginning to find some peace in all of this.

    love,

    Val

    I can't believe this is happening

    in CAREGIVER RESOURCE CENTER

    Posted

    Oh honey, you ARE helping her. And you ARE easing her anxiety. Because you are THERE. You are caring for her, holding her hand, being with her in this so that she's not alone as she moves over to that side. Don't you think otherwise for an instant. Even if you're not talking it all out, she is buoyed and strengthened because you are there.

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