Boy was I sure Although I wish I had room to doubt it. I was stage III about a few weeks ago and now I am at Stage IV. Spread to my main Broncial Tube and my Liver. Just started my Chemo on Wed. and feeling sick as a dog atm. Doing Chemo/Taxol trying my best to keep my chin up. But I must admit its hard ,I am to the point now of wondering what is next. Terrible feeling knowing I was planning my big move to Rome in Dec. and some how this sneaked up behind me.
I am glad to see so many cheerful replies. Lord knows I need them in these dark days I have ahead of me. My main thoughts are that I just had so many plans. So many things I wanted to do. Worked my life off to become a Neonatalogist(For those who don't know its a doctor that deals with premature babies). Was really looking forward to starting a family and having a photo album of my babies from work. Haven't been to work in a while now.
Spending alot of time looking on the computer seeing what my options are. Checking into some ground breaking studies to see if they can offer me a chance to beat this. Just praying every night that I can make it through all of the hardships I know I have ahead. First treatment almost has me saying roll out the gravestone(just kidding ) But it is rough. I try to hide it from those around me so they don't worry anymore than they already are.
But as the days go by the pain get worse and its harder for me not to show emotion from the pain and body aches and such. I just ask that you all keep me in my prayers. Its amazing how you go through you life being knocked down by friends growing up for not smoking,having sex,drinking and tried to keep my head above the waters. But this has seemed to pull me beneath it.
Sorry for sounding so sad I am just still even now having a hard time accepting what has happened I find myself asking why me O Lord why me. But the answer never comes and I lower my head,sometimes with a tear rolling down my cheek and I try my best to find something to get my mind off it.
So here I am the baby of you all(Counts how many old fart stickers he gonna have to send off) I am looking forward to building great friendships with you all. Hope you all are having Brownsugar Dreams right now Talk to you all soon Godbless and Au Revoir
Yours Truly Dartagnan