[Hi everyone]

Dear Jay,

I was in the hospital for about a month, too, and have only recently learned of your loss. I'm so very sorry, Dear One. I have an idea of how sad you are, but please don't give in to it. It's not what your Mother would want. I know how much you would rather she be there with you, someone you could reach out and hold. But she is still with you, Jay. She's your guardian angel now. I really believe this. I feel my Mom with me, even now. You work at healing, at getting well, and then you continue to fight the cancer with everything you can find. You have my prayers, Dear One. Much affection, Fay A.

[Quick note....]

I am furious. And I absolutely believe everything you are saying. I encountered some pretty interesting things while in the hospital for the removal of my right lung. After the first problem a member of my family stayed in the room with me almost 24/7 from then on. If there is any way at all for someone to stay please find a way to do so. I just hope that once we are able to start local support groups we can find a way to help one another with just this kind of thing.... Fay A.

[NBC]

Just my personal opinion here folks:

It appears to me that NBC, especially the morning show with Matt Lauer, Al Roker, Katy Couric, is more sympathetic to the issues surrounding a diagnosis of Lung Cancer than any other major studio I've watched. This may be due to the fact that both Matt Lauer and Al Roker lost their much loved Fathers to Lung Cancer in recent years. I know that the first week of June as I sat in the radiology department waiting for next post pneumonectomy chest xray I saw a spot done by NBC announcing that ASCO had just announced a new "standard of care" for NSCLC /stating study had been done showing adjuvant chemo after surgery was increasing survival times for NSCLC patients. Perhaps the NBC local affiliated stations (especially if they have a health writer) would be interested in helping to get the word out about local LCSC start up groups? I"ve had a little setback from the surgery...but once I'm really on my feet I'm going to do my best to start a local group in my community... Fay

[My biopsy report, wierd news.]

Sam,

It can pretty disconcerting to be given different pathology on different nodules/lesions/nodes. New primaries have a better prognosis than recurrent disease, so I hope you'll understand where I'm coming from when I congratulate you on your "good news". Dealing with the cancer and all that has happened during the past 4 years has been much easier for me since I started looking at it with "lesser of the evils" eyes. Wishing you all the strength you need, and the very best possible outcome from what ever treatment you decide upon. I wish the node had been benign, but now I just wish it gone with no more to be found... ever....Fay A.

[where should we donate $?]

I am very sorry for your loss. I hope that you can find comfort in knowing that you have done everything you could for your Father. He had to be so very proud of you. I know from first hand experience what a joy and comfort it is to a parent to have a child like you. Prayers for peace, Dear One.

Fay A.

[O-H M-Y G-O-S-H!!!!!]

Sandy, this is fantastic news! Take the three months and live live live! Fay A.

[Tim's Surgery]

You have my prayers for a speedy and uncomplicated recovery. It's a tough operation to recover from, but life is worth it. Tell him I'm routing for him. ) Fay A.

[Carol Burnett]

Joanie,

The reason we should stop smoking is simple. We stand a better chance of long term survivorship if we stop. If we continue to smoke it impacts how we respond to treatment, and even determines what treatments will be made available to us. You don't deserve this... none of us do. Best Wishes, Fay A.

[I'm Home from the Hospital]

Thank you to all who sent prayers. I made it home today, and I am so glad to be here. It's official....For the first time in at least 4 years I am a NERD! No Evidence of Recurrent Disease. I feel so much better than I did before they removed the lung. I'm still on Oxygen, but I think it's temporary. I hope that all of you are doing well.

Fay A. PS I'm trying to catch up. What has happened to our young Jay?

[We got the phone call!]

Before I leave for Los Angeles I want to tell you how much I admire you, Shannon. All the leg work you're doing I have had to do for myself. And it's hard. Your husband is a very lucky man. One way or another there are miracles out there for all of us... we just have recognize them when they occur. Best Wishes to you both... Fay A.

[Being and Nothingness]

I respect a person's right to make choices about how they live, whether it's early days or the end of their days, as long as they are making choices and decisions about THEIR life.

I get to choose how I live my life, and I get to choose how I face it's end. And I am astounded that anyone would imply that the way they think I should live out my life is some how superior.

I don't want to live out my life with dignity. That's the ideal for dignified folks. ) I want to live my last days exactly as I have lived the preceding days... with love and passion and laughter...lots of laughter. And joy...don't forget about pure, joy.

Tonight I am living what may be my second-to-the-last night on this earth. On Monday morning I will have my third big lung cancer surgery (pneumonectomy). Because of the previous three surgeries the operation carries more risk this time. So I'm going in to this knowing that May 19th may be the day I die. I don't want to die. I'm going to be really ticked off it that happens. ;o) But what I'm NOT going to feel is ashamed that I wanted to live so badly that I was willing to risk life itself for the best chance to prolong my life.

When I do die...whether it's on Monday, or next week, or next year I'm not going to look at it as having failed in my fight against this disease. I'm going to look at it as MY final and absolute victory over Lung Cancer. When I'm gone.. the cancer dies, too. I've said before that I am not afraid of death. I'm not. I see it as the next great adventure... it's just not one I want to start quite yet.

For those who are frightened, I wish you free of fear.

For those who are in pain, I wish release.

For those who are lonely, I wish a loved one to be near,

For those who are tired, I wish you sleep.

For those who want to live, I wish you years to come.

For all of those who fight, I wish you peace.

Good Night, Dear Ones. I leave for the hospital tomorrow afternoon. If all goes well, I'll be back in a few weeks.

Fay A.