[The waiting is killing me]

So, we're in a holding pattern. We've known about my cancer for 3 weeks now and my treatment is still a couple weeks away. We're waiting for a pathology report on this crazy thing to determine which trial to get into, Tarceva or Iressa. Not to mention another opinion coming (hopefully) from NCI. In the meantime I feel like something is just eating away at me while I try and pass the time until my body gets some HELP! Everly little ache and pain I feel I think that the beast is spreading, and it's making me crazy.

I stayed up last night reading Chicken Soup for the Surviors Soul (a great read), and Lance Armstrongs story (another great read). They gave me such hope, I highly recommend them.

Thanks to all who gave me advice on books, meditation, antidepressants and People Magazine!. So far the only drug I seem to require is a big old sleeping pill, but even that need is going away. The support here has really helped me to believe that we really can fight this thing, and that allows me to breath, and live.

In the meantime, we just wait.

Tracy

[Hello]

Hi all, this is what we now know. When I was first diagnosed I was told the I was a IIIa and that I could have chemo followed by surgery, they were going for cure. It's funny that at the time that sounded so scary, now I'm wishing for that option. I had a VATS last week and while I was still coming out of general anesthesia the Dr. told me that they found a lot of small nodules in the lining of my lung, and that I had been stagd at IV. I visited the Dr. just yesterday to go over all of it again, armed with a notetaker and cassette recorder to make sure we got it all right. I'm told that I have adenocarcinoma, and that I'm "technically" a IIIb, but because of the extent of the cancer into my lining I'm a IV, there's no difference. They have offered me traditional chemo w/o radiation, However they tell me that Iressa or Tarceva are really the only choice for me. I have been offered clinical trials involving these drugs, depending on whether or not I have a particular mutation. The Iressa would be Iressa alone, and the Tarceva study involves being randomly put into one of two groups, Tarceva alone, or Tarceva w/chemo. If anyone has any thoughts on this I would love to hear from you.

Thanks to my wonderful Aunt I am heading to the NIH for another opinion either this week or next. My treatment will not start for at least another week so nothing will be held up. I would love to be offered another treatment option. At the very least I want a recommendation as to which one to pick.

Our children are 11, 8 and 4. We are trying to keep them informed w/o scaring them, but they know this is serious. This is school vacation week and instead of doing lots of fun stuff,mommy is at the doctors all the time and their grandparents practically live here. I have contacted a counsling group that deals w/ families in these circumstances, I think this should help a lot. My husband is the most wonderful man, i don't know how he's keeping it all together for us.

We will get through this. I have an amazing support system of friends, family and our kid's school. Now that I've found you all i feel inspired.

I am looking for some inspirational reading material, i noticed the recommendation of Bernie Siegel's books. I read love, medicine and miracles and it was wonderful. Does anyone have any other suggestions?

Thank you all!

Tracy

[Hello]

You are all wonderful. Thank you all for your support, your stories, your strength. my Aunt Kasey is a truly wonderful person, I'm ashamed to say that I didn't appreciate just how strong and beautiful she is until my own diagnosis. I'll post later with details of my treatment. For now I just want to say thank you all... and I love you Kasey.

Tracy.

[Hello]

Hi, my name is Tracy. I recently found your site and have found it to be so positive and helpful, not like some of the other stuff that't out there. I decided that today was the day to join in. I was diagnosed with Stage IV nsclc a few weeks ago. I'm a 39 year old nonsmoker, married with three children. I was told for weeks that I had a bit of pneumonia due to a nagging cough. 3 chest x-rays, a CT scan, a PET scan and one bronchoscopy later, here I am. My family is still reeling from the news, and I wonder if our children will ever be the same again, they are so angry.

Anyhow, for now I just wanted to say hi, and thank you. I've read many of your stories and they give me the strength to go out and fight this thing.

Tracy