Debi

July 1, 2003

Ok Gina...I won't top you since you're absolutely nuts lol, but I was kind of proud of myself with this one since it was the day after surgery!

I was in the Special Care Unit and these 2 guys show up to visit me. It's a black guy and a white guy, both wearing suits, with somber faces and carrying clipboards. They sit down and both cross their legs the same way while I'm laying in bed thinking I'm having a morphine induced Men in Black fantasy. The white guy, who was slightly ghoulish looking, starts asking me questions about where I live, etc. I was totally confused because I didn't know who these people WERE..blame the native New Yorker in me but DON'T come in asking me all these questions and NOT tell me who you are!! So I asked him who he was, and he was vague about it...said something about Mind and Body...which was even scarier!! I asked him if he worked for the Cancer Center and he didn't answer..the whole time the other guy was just watching me. I'm laying there, trying to figure out if these guys are some kind of preachers or what and getting more pissed off by the minute that they wont just spit out who the hell they are! The white guy kept asking me about family, and if I had any in the area, etc. and both of them are checking things off on their clipboards Just then the phone rang and it was my sister. As soon as I picked up the phone, I told my sister deadpan and loudly..."If I go missing...they have 2 people in here asking me if I have family and stuff...I think they're planning on harvesting my kidneys. Call the police if I disappear." My sister knows me so knows my sense of humour and said she would call me back since someone was there. LOL I hung up the phone and said to the 2 men staring aghast at me...THERE..now I ruined your little plot...find someone ELSES kidneys!!

Well, the ghoulish guy just turned whiter and started denying that they were there to harvest my organs LOLOL...the other guy "got" me and just started cracking up. Then the ghoulish one finally got it and the point and told me exactly what they were doing there. Both of them loosened up totally (thank God...they were so stuffy). When the 2 left a bit later, I said to them...so your title really is "Mind and Body?" and the one guy leaned over and whispered in my ear diabolically, "that would be ...Mind, Body and Kidney!". :lol: I hate to pat myself on the back, but I think I made their day...they were giggling still as they left!

July 1, 2003

Ada,

Just sign me up for the better late than never club...did not see your post until now!

Even though I'm fairly new, I have noticed what an inspiration and strong presence you are. You always have kind words and encouragement to add, I know that you have in my case and have been grateful for everything you have shared with me. You are a powerful role model, exuding confidence and faith that all things are manageable which is a blessing, especially for someone new on the board.

I am glad that your surgery is over and the pain is tolerable...I wish you and your husband sunnier skies ahead.

Debi

June 29, 2003

Thanks Gina & David...I'm glad I'm not the only one still craving a cigarette. It seems that with every day, the better I feel, I want one more. It's so ludicrous!

Talking about people smoking with tubes in and all..the Cancer Treatment Center actually has a smoking "lounge". The evening before my surgery, I stayed in one of the guest rooms and of course, eventually found my way to the desolated wing of the 4th floor which housed the "lounge", even though I had vowed not to smoke the night before. Well, the room was totally disgusting..ceiling turned yellow and brown, etc etc. I was having a cigarette when this one woman came in, no hair, with an IV pole with about 10 bags hanging off of it and some other apparatus hooked up to her. She came in asking if anyone had a lite cigarette, which is what I smoked and I happened to have them on the table in front of me. I felt bad giving her one, but felt like it wasn't my place to not give her one, she was an adult. After she lit it, I tried not to watch the whorls of smoke going thru the various tubes and we started talking. She comes there once a month for treatments and was a very nice woman. After talking awhile, she asked what I was there for and I told her that I was having lung surgery the next day. At this point, her eyes narrowed, and she said, very judgementally, "and you're smoking?" I'm not sure if anyone else appreciates the humour in this situation but I did.

Anyway, I absolutely refuse to pick up another cigarette and am trying to find a new addiction to take its place. It has to be remotely bad for me but not life threatening. Since I have such an addictive personality, I don't think I'll be happy until I find a new addiction! :roll:

June 29, 2003

Thanks Norme! I'm feeling better and better every day, believe it or not!

Thanks for the idea about writing short stories...its actually one of those things I always wanted to do and never was able to follow it through. Maybe, now that I do have time on my hands, I can try to write one (or better yet, finish one)! Thanks for your vote of confidence!!

June 27, 2003

Gina:

You guys most certainly were right about the surgery aftermath. In fact, wasn't it you who said it would feel like a fleet of trucks hit me and every day there would be less trucks? LOL...that would be about the most accurate. Actually, every day I feel a bit more in tune with my body again and I'm sure, in time, it will be the finely tuned instrument it once was (Well, it never actualy WAS, but sounds good lol).

I seem to be sleeping more now than I have been. At first I fought it but now I'm rolling with it..figure my body is trying to tell me something. People at work are dropping off food every night to me..they have a schedule and every night someone else prepares something and drops it by. Don't get me wrong, I am extremely appreciative but I need to vent. If I get one more dish with chicken or turkey I'm going to scream. I would give my first born for a side of beef right about now. I live in Oklahoma for crying out loud..there are cows on every corner..what's with the chicken? There, I feel better (ungrateful perhaps, but better).

The other thing driving me nuts is smoking. YOu would think I need my head examined. I'm not smoking nor do I ever intend to again, but I dream about it and find myself thinking about it half the time. I refused to wear the patch in the hospital because I wanted to detox from the nicotine while I was there so my cravings are not physical, just mental. But I didn't expect it to be on my mind almost continuosly, what an addiction! I am a recovering alcoholic, clean for 20 years... but even THAT has been a walk in the park compared to nicotine.

Debi

June 26, 2003

Shannon,

I am so sorry to hear that Mike is gone.

Debi

June 26, 2003

Good luck to you and your husband on his surgery. I'm currently recuperating from surgery myself and while it is no picnic, it actually isn't as terrible as I had conjured up in my head. I got through it, you know, and so will your husband. And I agree, definitely have him get the epidural. This way his pain medication will be delivered right into the nerve base around his spine...I may be new at this, but I know this is the way to go for pain management.

I agree with what Katie said also about the emotional ups and downs. I must add, that when I was getting ready for my surgery and also after my surgery, I wanted to be a shining power of example for humankind.. this mother teresa type of person that would be remembered for her good words and the way she handled herself. NOT!!! I really strove to be better than myself but the fact is I can be a real b**** and when I'm under stress, I'm only going to be a bigger one. I was cranky and unhappy and everyone was going to know it because if ever in my life I deserved to be cranky it was now. I'm not saying that this is the exemplary way to behave but like said above...we're human. Just remember that this too shall pass. I will be thinking of you on Thursday and I'm sure your husband will do fine!!

June 26, 2003

Great for you Bob! And good for your wife!!

I always chuckle when I see your picture. When I first came on this board (all of about 6 weeks ago lol), you were one of the first to respond to my post. You told me that surgery would be okay and that your picture was taken 4 weeks after your surgery in the Peruvian rain forest (or somewhere equally exotic) on some rope drawbridge. I remember thinking "What the ???"...I don't do rope bridges or jungles with TWO lungs!!" LOL

Anyway, you are an inspiration!!!

June 25, 2003

Gina!!

Great to hear you went to see someone and all is okay. You have helped me so much regarding what laid ahead for me with my surgery and were one of the many who gave me hope since I related so well to you.

Keep forging ahead woman, I'm right there with you..well maybe a little behind you but with a little work, I'll catch up!

Debi :lol:

June 23, 2003

Thanks for all your replies as always!! And Ada, I asked my doctor about some kind of home health nurse and he said that unfortunately, most insurance companies will not cover it for follow up care for this type of health issue. I don't have oxygen..they took it off the 3rd day because I am maintaining a rate of abouve 95% oxygen without it. But you are right, it would be nice to have these things "checked" once your'e home.

I am trying to wrestle with how much to do and not to do. I'm not sure how much I should stay in bed and how much I need to walk around. I don't want to underdo or overdo it. I can still barely hit 1000 on that spirometer thing but continue to try to get higher. At this point, I'm kind of just listening to my body and "force" it up from time to time, walk around a bit, get on computer a bit and then walk back to bed and sleep. This afternoon I am attempting my first shower since I'm home..I have a claw foot tub so this should be interesting. If I don't post within the next 2 days or so, call the police, I'm trapped in my tub!! LOL

Again, thanks for all your support and appreciate all your coments!! Sorry for the typos...I've decided this is good therapy for my right side but backspacing kills me so I let the typos fall where they lay!

June 23, 2003

Well, I finally know what board to post on! I got home from Tulsa yesterday afternoon and am in my recuperation stage.

The surgery was, as you all know, God awful but it was doable. As my daughter wrote in a previous post, the surgeon took out my upper and mid right lung and also lymph nodes. The only cancerous results came from the original nodule itself; the rest of my lung tissue and the nodes were clean. My surgeon said I will be having 3 month follow up appts for the next 2 years to watch things.

I think my biggest shock was that for 6 days I was interupted every 4 hours and given breathing treatments, massive antibioditics, nausea pills, etc and then on the 6th day I'm disconnected from everything and sent home with a prescription for pain pills clutched in my hand. I mean, there are no instructions for my wound care or what if I get pneumonia, etc? I feel like I should be in a half way house or something for a few days! lol

The pain pills are a good thing though. I am told they have a high street value so I may have solved my little $170/week disability problem. Only kidding OF COURSE!!!

Anyway, no one had told me about gaining weight after surgery. I brought this little summer dress that barely fit me to the Cancer Center with me since I KNEW for sure that I would lose weight while there. Ummm. I stepped on the scale and had gained 12 pounds in 5 days. They tell me that surgery will put weight on because of the fluids??? Does this disappear automatically or will I cough it up or what? Can a woman do ANYTHING and not gain weight?? My whole torso, particular the right side seems to be numb under my breast and I seem to be having problems with being "regular". Also, I seem to have numb "spots" on my face and nose. My legs also feel wierd, a bit on the numb side, not sure if thats from the swelling of water or aftermath of the epidural. Then of course I have the pain where the chest tubes were..told my friend it feels like somebody stuffed flaming socks into my body. This was, of course, after taking my new pain pill.

Anyway, going back to join my 150 pillows in bed. If anyone has any helpful hints about any of above, feel free please. Again, thanks again for all your support...it is becuase of you that I didn't dread the surgery as much as I would've. And yeah, it hurt, but worth it!

Debi :lol:

June 13, 2003

That is so wierd..especially the part about the watch.

You reminded me of when my dad died 10 years ago from a sudden heart attack. He had always bugged me about checking the oil in my car and whenever I stopped by my parents house, he would ask me, "have you checked the oil lately?" Of course I would grin and say, "oh, sure" and minutes later he would have the hood up and be checking the dipstick because he knew that I never checked it. It was like a running joke. My oil signal light on the console had gone out a couple years earlier, so it actually was important that the oil be checked from time to time but lazy me, never did. My dad tinkered with cars, but never could fix that indicator light!

In the blur of the days following his death, I was driving home from my mother's house and the oil light flashed on. The hair on my neck stood straight up, because I KNEW, without any reservations, my dad did it. That light hadn't worked in 2 years, and the oil could've been bone dry and it still hadn't worked! My dad had sent me a signal and taken care of something for me that he couldn't take care of anymore. From that day on, the oil light worked.

The very next day, I went to get gas. The flap on the gas tank hadn't worked manually in ages either, I always had to give the gas attendant my key so that he could unlock it. Just for the heck of it, I pulled the lever for the gas, and lo and behold, the damn thing swung open. All I remember feeling is this huge warmth. It was 2 "coincidences" in a row, I told very few people about it because they looked at me like OHHH...and I wasn't sure that they believed me. But the important thing was that I knew. Through the years, I tended to put it in the back of my mind...one of those too freaky to think about things. Thank you for reminding me!!

June 12, 2003

I am so happy for you David!

You all are such an inspiration!

Debi

June 11, 2003

I have to add my two cents, even though I am relatively new to the boards.

My Aunt and Uncle heard I am having lung surgery on the 16th so they sent me this homemade computer card. It has a bible verse on it...something like "I am with you always, even to the end of the world" with a thundercloud on it and signed by them saying that they are praying for me. Okay, now I haven't heard from EITHER of them since I was 16 which makes it 30 years and they send me this damn doom & gloom, its the end of my world, homespun card!! That was a cheery, uplifting hello. They couldn't find another bible verse? LOL

My other experience so far was the day I told the people at my job. I had told no one about the tests and appointments I have had the last few months because its a small town and everyone loves drama. I had to finally tell them because I'm going to be gone from work and I didn't want the rumour mill to start. Well, the DAY I told them, all of my employees on my team kept coming up and having me sign their vacation requests. So I figured...okay...they want to get things taken care of for the summer...normally the vacation requests are put in 2 weeks in advance. Before I knew it, the stacks were getting thicker and thicker. People were requesting Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years Day off!!! I finally asked one of the girls...what is this?? And she said, "Well..we thought we better have you sign them, just in case.....".

And this is only the beginning I guess??? :0)

Debi

June 11, 2003

Thank you to all who replied; your support means alot to me even though I don't really know you.

One of the other posts on the board is about someone's dad that died. It clearly put things back into the proper perceptive for me. I'm whining about my job not paying me and the bottom line is, so what? Yes, its important to have financial security but there are things more important, and finances like so many of you have attested to, always work out someway. My problems stacked up against someone else's...well, I can handle mine right now. Someone once told me that we are all dealt a deck of cards..and chances are that if we could change our deck..we would still keep the same deck.

Thanks again to all of you...Eileen I envy you! I used to work for 13 years for a company that treated me like gold now I work for the anti-christ I think!! Mrs. Mike ..I will tell all the nurses hello for you...I'm sure I'll post again before I go in. Tomorrow is my pre-op and I'm actually looking forward to it. I think I'll feel at ease once I see the place.

June 11, 2003

I thought I would post so that I could talk about my feelings somewhere. Today was my last day of work, Monday is my surgery but I have a few things I have to do this week. I need to clean, stock up on groceries, go to pre-op on Thursday at the Center and I want to have some time to spend with my son before I leave Sunday.

I thought I was going to be emotional this morning, I felt it just under the surface but managed to complete the day without breaking down on my job. It was the finality I guess of everything..like so many other people, my work is such a part of my life and starting my leave of absence sort of strikes home the fact that this IS it! People at work gave me a big surprise party with a cake, balloons, gifts and all that. Slightly surreal, but at least they didn't have a pair of lungs drawn in icing on the top of the cake. Seriously, it was nice and I thought I would cry but I didn't. I haven't yet.

Found out from my boss that my short term disability isn't 60% of my salary after all, which is what I had been told. It is actually $170 a week which I cannot believe that anyone can actually live on! I'm a bit irate about that..my company is a large corporation which professes (of course) that they look after their employees. My boss was stunned when he got off the phone with the corporate office..all he could do was keep apologizing. I am just fuming, I have worked for this company 4 years and as a salaried management employee have put in MANY unpaid hours in addition to loyalty, blah, blah...and they don't think enough about me or anyone else to have a decent disability plan. My boss told me that the HR person in the Corporate office told him that they didn't want to have a bigger "payout" because this may "encourage" people to be sick. This is so totally ludicrous. They don't want to have a bigger payout because they don't want to pay any more money to get a better policy. But, I found out from the disability insurance people, that the corporate office has a separate policy which pays out 60% with a cap of $1500. Anywhere else, whether salary or hourly, it is 60% with a cap of $170.

Sorry for ranting..that was just a blow to my peace of mind. I could've made it through with 60% but now I'm totally at a loss. My boss did tell me that he was going to give me a week of comp time (he felt worse than I did) and I have a couple weeks vacation. So I'll be okay for a little while. I am just so mad that I can not have financial peace of mind through this and that I had been misled in being told that it was 60%. I would've gotten an independant policy months ago.

Okay, I think I'm done ranting for now. Sorry to bore everyone but all this is so new to me..I never even thought about disability insurance or anything before this. I just assumed that the insurance the company provided was adequate. It seems every day I'm learning something new!

How can anyone afford to be sick??

Debi

June 10, 2003

Rocco,

What great news! Congratulations!!

Debi

June 4, 2003

Thanks again all! Valium is sounding damn good about now Gail! And Dave, thanks for the encouragement! Rocco, you made me laugh about leaving the skid marks to get cigarettes..am glad that I am not the only one!! Good luck with your CT scan!! I am feeling better now..I'm in the "purposeful" stage..just getting things taken care of at work and plodding forward. And instead of counting the days till I have the surgery, I am now counting to the days after the surgery. As in..2 weeks from now I'll be 2 days OUT of surgery..that sounds so much better!

Debi

June 3, 2003

Thanks to all for replying, I can't really put into words how helpful this board is..but I guess you all know that.

Gina and Eileen..I appreciate you sharing your surgery stories ..it helps to know what to expect and I wish you both tons of luck. I know that the fleet of trucks analogy will help me, believe it or not lol. Like I've said before its so much easier to get through something when you know others have gone before.

I'm trying not to think that the surgery is 2 weeks away, but I seem to be living with an undercurrent of panic and fear. Its just part of me now and doesn't really go away. I almost feel bad posting that, because I know so many of you have gone through so much more at this point; I feel as if I don't have the right to complain. I hope that no one takes offense at my "whining" but I don't know where else to go right now except here. I don't want to be away from my son for a week, I don't want anyone to cut me open, I dont want to have to go through a "recovery" period. I just want my life back to before I had that dang xray. And what is with the smoking deal? Why could I never stop and to this DAY am having trouble? Okay, I think I'm done whining now. I'm just so angry at my body and at myself. I've always considered myself a strong, independant person..but right now I'm not. Emotionally, I feel about 5 years old. I'm a manager at my job, and I work with aobut 250 people and every day someone will ask me when I'm having surgery and I smile and tell them. Meanwhile, inside, I'm basically falling apart here...it is taking so much effort to keep it together. I'm just scared, I guess, but even though I've known something was going to happen for months, I never really dealt with it because my philosophy is that worrying about something does nothing...so there's no sense in worrying. However, this has hit me like a ton of bricks the last couple of days. I'm hoping its a stage, and I will somehow find something steady to hang onto...I really don't like myself as a crybaby, I prefer to be a pillar of strength! :0) Sorry for rambling!!

Debi

May 31, 2003

Ronna,

Go Ronna, Go Ronna!! I may be a novice, but I know good news when I hear it!! Congratulations!!

Debi :0)

May 31, 2003

Shannon & Mike,

Wow..as they say, there are no coincidences!! I just ventured off the newbie board this morning and was reading your posts on CTCA. I'm telling you, it was like I was starving..I was just absorbing all you had to say!! I was going to post to you but then thought that you were so busy, I didn't want to bother you. I am so glad that you answered my post!

I will be coming up for pre-op on June 12th and then checking in on the 15th for my June 16th surgery. I'm supposed to come up this Tuesday for a breathing test at another facility in Tulsa but may try to change that appt to coincide with the pre-op date. My car isn't really old, but it is at that stage where I try not to push it if I don't have to!

I would love to meet you and am so thankful for your posts. I only knew what I have read about CTCA and how I felt from my limited contact with them. It felt good but I wondered whether it was as good as it seemed. I did try to go straight there, a patient advocate at CTCA fought with my insurance company to have me go there, but my insurance company was a bit difficult. CTCA ended up referring me to their Pulmonary Specialist's private practice so that I could get in the "back door" which is how it eventually played out! My surgeon operates at several hospitals in Tulsa, CTCA being one of them. Guess which one I picked! :0)

Thank you again for responding..this is so great..and feel free to email me! Good luck to both of you, I am thinking of you!

Debi

May 31, 2003

Thank you for replying. Dave, it IS Cancer Center Treatment of America and that is so amazing to me..that someone from here is in there right now. I haven't even been to the hospital there yet...I will be going for pre-op on 6/12... but it feels right to me. I hope I have made the right choice with this...I just feel that I can't afford to wait any longer. I don't know if thats right or wrong but I do trust this surgeon and pulmonary specialist..not only were they both caring and compassionate but their office staff was also. At no time at all, in either of their offices, did I feel rushed...in fact both of them took forever with me and kept asking if I had any more questions.

Rocco, thanks for the "blow by blow" of the surgery...it helps to know what to expect. My surgeon had told me pretty much the same thing about the fatality rate..in fact he kind of just gestured...like, dont even think about it. He said that he has lost 5 patients in 30 years during the surgery. Of course with my gloom and doom, I'm thinking "Okay, he's about due". lol My son is the one part of this whole situation that terrifies me when I think about it. If it wasn't for him..well, this would be terrible, but it wouldnt be SO terrible. My daughter is grown and has a family, and I know if something happened to me it would be terrible for her..but she has her family and husband that would help get her through. But how could a 4 year old even begin to understand? I'm glad that you can relate.

Well, thanks all to listen to the rambling again. I feel good being able to talk about this...people at work know since I had to explain my impending absence but I'm not the type of person (believe it or not) to talk about my fears or troubles. When they ask how I am I just tell them I'm good.. I just have to take care of this. This is the first time that I'm actually talking about how I really feel... please excuse the massive quantity of words! Its great to have a forum to say how I really feel and to have people understand. - Debi

May 31, 2003

Thanks all for your responses..I feel better already. Confused, but better! lol

I am in Oklahoma, having moved here 3 years ago. I live in a small town that doesn't have many medical choices. The first specialist that I had gone to is in Oklahoma City, my doctor had referred me to him. He is the one that wanted to do a bronchoscopy, but told me that thre was a good chance he could poke my lung or start me bleeding, that I should pack an overnight bag. He also shook like Katherine Hepburn. Since I didn't exactly fall off the turnip truck, I decided that he may not have been the best person to listen to. Besides all that, he said that I would most definitely be needing to go to a surgeon right after that. Its terrible in some ways being in a new state and not knowing where to go (I lived in NY my whole life and knew the "good and bad" medical care places), but a place in Tulsa kept coming up online and in a few conversations I had with coworkers. So I called them and they referred me to the Pulmonary Specialist I went to see up in Tulsa. Its almost a 4 hour drive but this IS my life afterall, I would drive 12 hours to feel comfortable. I felt comfortable with him..the 1st thing he told me is that the bronchoscopy wouldnt work because of where the nodule is in my lung. I felt that he wasn't trying to pad his pockets at my expense. He referred me to a thorasic surgeon who also made me feel comfortable. The surgeon moved here from Phoenix about 6 years ago and is still active on a board at a Phoenix hospital, etc; he's been doing lung and heart surgery for 30 years. The bottom line, that both of them told me, is that I have a nodule in my lung, its growing, it needs to come out. The surgeon also said that because the nodule is deep in my lung, and still rather small, a biopsy would not work. I tend to agree with the idea of getting it out..I have known something was wrong with my first xray the end of January, and it is now almost June. I'm not sure what I would be waiting for at this point by not getting it out! Anyway, I had my choice of hospitals in Tulsa and one of them was THe Cancer Treatment Center, which is who helped me find a decent specialist to begin with. So I chose them. Coincidently, the Pulmonary Specialist is a Medical Director at the center. I think that I am making the right choice...I wish that it was not a choice that I had to make but I'm a realist, and it is...so therefore I plod ahead! :0)

Again, I appreciate all your posts and will continue to appreciate them. I feel better about the aftermath of surgery already. And Gail and Ginny, yes I am going to spoil myself before. I actually have some extra money coming next week so I plan to take a road trip to civilization and go on a shopping spree. And what I don't spend, I will save for my recovery period...and Ebay! I also am planning to take off from work a week prior to surgery...just to clean the house and stock the fridge, etc. I'm going to try to find a cleaning lady for a couple weeks after the surgery..this way I will not be tempted to overdo. There is nothing worse than laying around staring at dirt!!! My son's father will take care of him while I'm in the hospital and I have a 25 year old daughter who will help as best as she can (she's got 3 kids and a husband).

Thanks again, and sorry for the length of this post. I am still terrified about the surgery (Im one of those people that expects the worst..everything from the dr, nurse, anesthesiologist, etc etc making a mistake in surgery to a tornado ripping thru Tulsa at the exact hour I'm in surgery, etc) but you all have made me feel better. I'm glad you are all out there!

Debi

May 29, 2003

I'm 46 years old and back in February my doctor found a small nodule in my right lung on an xray. Since then I have had 2 Cat Scans and a Pet Scan. The Pet Scan showed no malignancy. That was good news, but it also could have meant that the nodule was too small to really show. The 2nd Cat Scan I had done in April, to see if the nodule grew. It had, about 2 millimeters, so I was referred to a Pulmonary Specialist. He turned out to be a bit of a jerk, so I found another one and liked him. He sent me to a surgeon who has scheduled me for surgery on June 16th. The Specialist told me that there is a 50/50 chance that its lung cancer..if it is benign they will just take out the wedge, if cancerous will take out the lobe of my right lung.

I've been living with this for several months now so have had time to "adapt" (as much you can) to this whole ordeal. I guess the scariest time was waiting for the results of the 1st Cat Scan, to see just how big the nodule was and whether there were more. Im numb now..I am dreading the surgery, I have never had major surgery in my life. I also have a 4 year old at home, who is constantly on my mind. I guess my biggest question would be how bad is my recovery going to be after the surgery? I'm sure everyone recovers differently, but I am dreading this so badly and would appreciate any input on the surgery and its aftermath. And don't worry...nothing could be as bad as I'm imagining! :0)

I try not to think about 2 weeks from now, but the closer it gets, the more it tends to slip into my mind and take up residence there. If anyone can say anything to put my mind at ease, I would appreciate it..honestly, I'm terrified. Thank you all!!!

Debi

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