Gina D.
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Posts posted by Gina D.
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Ada Waddell
in GRIEF
Ada was one of the first ones to welcome me here and she will be missed terribly.
I will remember her as that nice smiling woman in her picture.
May she rest in peace now and be greeted by all the others here that went before her. I am sure she will enjoy meeting them in person.
Goodbye Ada. Sweet dreams.
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Tomorrow (9-30) I get my FIRST big check up. Chest CT and abdominal/cervical CT. I am going to be spending my whole day in the machine, except that I get a lunch break.. but I can't eat lunch
I won't really want one anyway..they have given me this YUMMY barium shake to drink before I go in. (At least there will be no probe involved with this one I have read and heard all of you talk about test jitters. Is the first one the hardest?
I feel almost like I am 100% again. Very little pain left, mental attitude less stressed and I am doing things to go FORWARD in life, rather than putting things on hold.
Except for tomorrow and the following days until the results are in. My nervousness and depression showed today, one of my co-workers that I am not even very close to asked if I was OK because he saw something "wasn't right".
We just experienced the loss of a relatively young co-worker to cancer, and everyone is on thier guard at this time, and questioning my good prognosis. I must admit, I am too.
I believe all this is normal...how do we cope with it? I don't know what is a worse thought. Going through this nervousness for 5 more years, or the disease itself.
Rant and whine over. THX.
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I have been curious about this too.
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> I don't know why you guys think this action is silly
In western cilture, sticking your tongue out is considerd funny. It is used to lovingly tease people when you prove them wrong, or you do it behind someones back to say..well, er, it isn't a nice word, so I won't use it.
I think everyone, cancer or not, has a line down the middle of thier tongue..so I guess we are not getting your description clearly. Be patient with us..we are old and grumpy
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Johnny Cash
in GRIEF
June Carter was still alive at the time of the recording, yes. As a matter of fact, she is in the video. Her role in the video is haunting as well, and I think all women will relate to the pain she feels in it for her husband.
You'll just have to watch.
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Well, because I am always game for making myself look silly (I have more fun with it than the other observers...) I stuck my tongue out at myself in the mirror for you.
Nope, No "I" shape anywhere.
But it isn't as brown and ucky as it used to be when I smoked! Thanks, thats something I hadn't noticed until now.
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> Leave it to Rick to post a picture of a kid not his own!
Well, he is NOT mine! I swear I was out of town that day and I never had anything but sisterly feelings towards his father!
Thanks Rick and Katie. This is a wonderful site and we are all glad to be here with you, even if the reason for our being here is stinko.
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One of my responsibilities at work is to do statistical analysis (Yawn...OK, I am a geek too)
Trust me, any number can be twisted by stats to make things look any way you want to. Tho I don't think this is the case on this board or with any of the data collected by any of the fine LC organizations referenced in this group.
I think knowledge mixed with a little bit of logic applies here. More folks are quitting, and they quit around middle age. LC is *usually* DX in the later stages of middle age, so it may appear that the rate goes up for recent quitters. That said, it is a natural "assumption" that quitting may increase the risk, but once the factors are put together, this meerly turns out to be co-incidence. The cancer isn't caused by the quitting, it is caused by the smoking and the timing is the variable.
Boring, huh?
EILEEN ~ I am under the impression you STILL smoke? I am curious, if that is the case, how you can do that physically after a lobectomy? I am not talking the social, moral or emotional factor..just..well, wow..doesn't it hurt????
It hurt BEFORE I had a lobectomy, I can't imagine burning the scar tissue and whats left with smoke without cringing in pain!
PS, I breath better now, in general, with a chunk of lung missing than when I had 2 whole lungs and was smoking a pack+ a day. I kick myself imagining what I would have breathed like without smoking, pre lobectomy.
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10-12 years from the first cell to symptoms seems to be the "general" belief, but, as everyone says here. Who knows? Mine was found by accident when being examined for another reason, and I was told 2-3 years before I would have had any reason to feel it or have symptoms, so that seems to match. It also matches what I was told about 2 years being the critical time zone for re-occurance in stage 1 patients.
I often wonder, tho it does no good, if my cancer was caused by a spontanious lung collapse, in the lobe that was removed, 10 years ago. Smokers denial? Maybe..but once again, it does no good to wonder.
Smokers cough. They wheeze. They spit up. Whether they have cancer or not, they feel crappier as they get older, they breath worse, thier hearts are effected and this mimics some cancer symptoms. These things you saw may not have been related to cancer at all. Hindsite is a terrible thing sometimes. I wouldn't ponder on it.
berisa ~ Quitting smoking does not make you immune for a very very long time. Ex smokers, even after 20 years, will still be at a higher risk than never smokers.
My grandfather was DXed 22 years after he quit. Unfortunately, he waited far too long and only lasted 2 weeks. He was 72. He and me are the only folks in my family, on either side, that have ever had a cancer. So I wonder about the genetic predisposition thing too. Doesn't seem to fit in my case.
Once again..does no good to worry about it. Just look forward instead and learn from this to make the next phase of your life stronger.
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Johnny Cash
in GRIEF
"Hurt" is a cover of a 9 inch nails song. It originally was just another junkie ballad (And JC did change one of the lyrics to make it less offensive) It's hard to understand why he did this until you see the video that goes with it. Originally, I thought it was just him recalling his drug and alchohol days. Not even close.
JCs version of this, along with the video, has got to be the most haunting song ever recorded. It brings me to tears every time.
If you get a chance to see the video, it is highly recommended. It is in the rotation on VH1 and on most of the country music channels, tho it is obviously a crossover tune. Be aware, it is VERY depressing and if you are proned to lament, maybe you don't want to seek it out. It is hard to describe the impact it will have on you.
He never said, but I am sure he choose it knowing his situation fully. It came out about 3 months before my DX, and even tho I had a pretty good idea of what he was getting at, I never fully understood until I was DXed and frightened.
I would place this in my all time top 10 recordings.
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You'll do OK my friend. Just relax. (Yeah, I know..easier said than done)
My "Biggy" Ct (6 month check up) is coming in two weeks..my nerves are bundled up right there with you!
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well David, if you don't pop..then I won't! There isn't that much of me to exhaust around the room to start with anyway!
It's Southwest Airlines, so I won't get to experience ANY of those niceties anyway. No food, no reclining seats, no trays, and not since 9-11, but prior, when you bought your ticket they would ask if you wanted a discount..all you had to do was fly the plane! MOO!
One thing I am looking forward to: I won't be climbing over the seats to get out and have a ciggy as soon as we hit the gate! (I have actually looked forward to that since I quit..now is my chance to enjoy watching the smokers panic
THX Fay, I forgot about the oxygen thing. I am a little more concerned, actually, about being mushed in the aisles so soon after surgery. I am still a little tender. I may bite the big one and ask to get on the plane at pre board. AARGH. I am NOT handicapped, at least not compared to most everyone else that truely is. This is a tuff adjustment for me. Ego...
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I am about to get on a plane monday for the first time since my lobectomy.
I may be being silly, but is there anything I might experience with the cabin pressurization that will be different than what I was used to when I had 2 whole lungs? Funny feelings or anything?
I am pretty sure my lungs won't explode and I won't fly around the cabin like a popped balloon.. I hope!
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Warren had a sick and wicked wit. Whenever someone asks me about how I "feel" about all thats happened in my life since March, I use a line from his David Letterman interview that was done shortly after his DX.
ENJOY EVERY SANDWICH
It somehow puts life into proper perspective, and only a cancer patient (Or someone else with a life threatening condition) would truely understand the meaning of this line.
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Thank you for your kind words. I was very upset today over this, tho I knew yesterday morning.
My co-workers will be celebrating his life on saturday by bringing thier instruments to his home and having a giant jam session. They will be playing some of the guitars he made in tribute.
I will not be able to make this celebration, much to my dismay. I was asked to man the PA system (My actual true area of expertise) and I am trying to re-arrange my schedule so I can do so. It is not looking like I will be able to tho. This dissapoints me. I wanted to do this for him and his family.
I'll keep trying tho.
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He went on monday afternoon. He was 38 years old with a wife. No children.
He had bone cancer, and it spread to his lungs after 2 remissions and while on his 3rd bout with chemo.
It started in his knee and was caught at a very early stage. He was so young and had just gotten married, he opted not to have his leg amputated. He later admitted this was a poor decision that would probably cost him his life.
Why am I bringing a bone cancer patient onto the lung board? Becuase he was the first at my side when I was DX'ed and helped me through the initial shock, trials and tribulations of this ride. He took the time to help someone that was in far better shape then him, just because he cared and knew he had a special insite to offer me that no one else could.
He was in the full throngs of Chemo, and still working every day to build beautiful guitars. He was a musician, a guitar player, and had lost every one of his beautiful long blonde musician locks. He took all of that in stride. "It's only hair".
I showed him this board not 2 weeks ago and he has lurked in here from time to time. He thought this was a wonderful community.
Robert worked almost to his last day, it gave him comfort. He will be missed greatly, and his skills and artistery will be lost. Each instrument is unique and the builder is the one that gives it it's uniqueness. I hope the person that gets his last guitar plays it well and will forever feel his music in it...somehow.
Goodbye Robert.
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I know your feeling. I lost my dad in 1996 to sudden massive heart attack. God Damn cigarettes.
Those of us that have lost our fathers now know something the rest of the world doesn't. And it's one of the scariest things I have ever realized, but have adjusted nicely to, I think.
It's something "they" never tell you, becuase it can't be put into words and you will never know it until the second Dad is gone.
The closest way to descibe it is that you realize "You are the adult now".
I am not sure if this translates when losing your mother, there is something about Dads I think that triggers this.
Daddy has always been there to protect us and to bail our asses out when we did something stupid, and to repair all the damage too.
Selfishly enough, the moment I missed my Dad the most was when I was Dxed with this ugly thing. And oddly enough, I am so glad he isn't here to have had to shared this with me. It's something he can't fix, and I know it would have torn him to bits.
In time you will learn to enjoy and appreciate this new phase of your life, the one without the protecter. You will revel in your own strength. And I know you have much of it, thats what HE gave you.
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> Has anyone heard of Eva Cassidy?
Yes, I have. She did nice stuff. A little Paula Colish without the power and whining factor
Wasn't aware folks were trying to bring out more material.I guess there was a big thing on Warren on Letterman last nite. I had obligations last nite and did not get a chance to tape either. It caught me by suprise and I was not prepared.
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He was DXed so late that treatment probably would not have been effective. His choice was to take what time and energy he had left to produce what turned out to be his own obituary and goodbye note to the world.
You have to respect his choice. I can't say I wouldn't have done the same in his situation, but since I am not there, it is hard to say.
He simply felt he had other things to do that were more valuable to him and those around him than the small amount and quality of time he may have been given with treatment.
He does clarify in the special that he feels "It's a sin to not want to live", so he must have weighed his options pretty heavily.
I have nothing but respect for his choice. He went on his own terms, so in a strange way, he beat this. He lasted months longer than "they" said he would, and he also went in his sleep in the afternoon. Thats how I would want to go.
The special airs again tonite at 10 eastern, 9 central and 8 Pacific on VH1. The name of the show is Inside Out.
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I have a job on another message board I am on. Whenever anyone does a groaner or a bad pun, I send them to thier rooms. I think I may have to work overtime over here!
YOU GO TO YOUR ROOM YOUNG LADY!
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I didn't count! I remember them ALL!
I think I may be older than Stonehenge, what do you think?
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How 2 little words can make a world of difference! Good on ya!
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> must be a bit scary knowing you carry some of those genes.
I think this guy has a lot more to worry about with the contamination of his gene pool than you do! Ignorance breeds ignorance.
I have gotten the "How long do you have?" question a few times, mostly from concerned and well meaning folks, but still.. My answer is "Only another 40 years or so". The look I get is precious.
We need to be a little more vocal about the fact that this is a survivable disease. Most folks have visions of the sad happenings of thier grandparents times, but even then, it wasn't always a death sentence.
At my DX and announcement at work, I learned of 3 co-workers parents that had lobectomies or entire lungs removed and subsequently lived to ripe old ages. It just wasn't something you talked about then, and not really something that would come up in conversation at lunch. Knowing this was a tremendous help with my anxieties. But it amazed me that these things were going on around me and I had no clue.
Now, I might be embarrassed to talk about an STD if I had one, but not lung cancer. I don't understand why folks are so quiet.
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I know what you mean! I am very active on another board that actually has to do with my employer.
Guys will ask the same question on 4 different forums and if I only see one of them and answer, the other folks reading the OTHER forums think "we" (I am one of my employers reps in this discussion board) are snubbing them.
What I do is try to be polite and do a post with a link to the thread that I answered on. It usually kills the stray threads toot sweet.
I won't really want one anyway..they have given me this YUMMY barium shake to drink before I go in. (At least there will be no probe involved with this one 
CT Jitters and Bad milkshakes
in GENERAL
Posted
Thanks everyone, for your replies. They finished up with me early by shuffling the schedule so I didn't have to go away and come back.
Now the wait starts. Think I will get out the lawn chair and take a nap in the sun. After a valium...