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Posts posted by hockeyma

  1. Teri,

    I just went on this site as I was away and you and Bill were in my first thoughts. I am so sorry that he had to go but I am also so happy that he could see the party in the life after to give you some sense of confirmation of where he is today. He will always be around you and with you...and it will be hard because I know as I have just been and still am there myself. I want you to know that whatever you do - do finish the book - because if he has written that book with the same fortitude that he has initiated with the message boards it is sure to be a success. Writing and finishing the book may well be some of the healing process for you. If you ever need to vent, talk, whatever - email me. Heather

  2. Hi Becky

    Sorry about your loss. My husband was diagnosed in October and did this March of stage 4 nsclc also. It is very difficult watching and I am the same - being with him and seeing him physically suffer so in the end is very difficult and I would not want him to go on in that way. He is pain free now even though we here still feel the pain. Take care and treat each day as new. Heather

  3. I know more about Canada - as far as programs - but I think snoop is right about the palliative program.

    This is what Ger had/did


    then moved to

    Fentinal patches (didn't work) with oxy break throughs

    Hydromorphone 36mg every 12 hours and another type of morphine pill for breakthrough as required

    Ger's pain was in his shoulder and upper back by shoulder - the cancer mass was literally pulling and pushing on all of those nerves and muscles.

    Radiation helped somewhat -his pain was greatly reduced....but the cancer still grew quickly everywhere else.

    The key really was to get regulated and stay on the pills - taking at night really doesn't work - it is probably wearing off - so Bill needs a higher dosage and as snoop said regulated with breakthrough pain pills.

    I know if you have in home nursing care you can get the iv hook up and you can administer the hydromorphone through the iv. i did that. It will hit faster. You can also get pain pumps - Ger had in the hospital and I have seen people with them.

    As my doctors said - it is very important that they are comfortable right now and not in pain.

    Hope this helps. Heather

  4. Hi Alex,

    I am just north of Toronto...in Orillia. My story isn't the greatest as my husband passed in March - however I try to be of help with imput and information from my experience as much as I can. I think this website will help you hugely - It was my number one place for information and support.


  5. Nova

    The main thing is that you don't give up on him and Harry doesn't give up on himself. The break maybe what he needs to get himself back in line. I sure hope so. You take care and all the best. Heather

  6. Hi

    Ger got really confused like this - I would get a brain ct done again although I see all was clear on May 10th. This happened to Gerald when he got radiation on his chest to relieve the pain. They did that and then his pills were too strong. He was on 72mg hydromorphone per day - I cut him back to 18mg on my own. However about a month after that it was back to the same state again - but this time off balance too as well as hallucinating and confused alot of the time. His single brain met had doubled in size even though he had had whole brain radiation. Cancer sucks. Hope that you get this problem resolved and find out what is causing it.

    All the best, Heather

  7. Your strength and support and just being there will be really important. I spent alot of time doing research and going to the appointments with Ger. He didn't want to know anything so I was kind of the one that he relied on for what pills to take and what was next. All the best in your new fight. Heather

  8. Tanner - I am so so sorry. I am on the road now of wondering the same and it isn't easy. But....you are stronger than you think cause you were strong for your wife through her illness and strong for your kids too. Ironically I was just thinking about you today. There is another website called www.ywbb.org. When you get time check it out...it helps. My deepest condolances and I wish you all the strength and healing possible. Heather

  9. Hi - you aren't the only one who grieves this way. I am the exact same. It is frustrating that many feel you have to be a mess in public to be grieving. My husbands sisters are like this - so much so - one of them drove me crazy when she was here....almost like a show. Anyways - keep doing what you are doing - there is nothing wrong with it and it doesn't mean that you aren't grieving well enough. I am strong and do break on my own time at certain stages but that is not as often now - and to be honest - right now I just find that I am tired but can't sleep. I am sure that will pass too. Take care, Heather

  10. Hi

    I'felt insane and helpless lots - always had to put up a front for everyone though. Use to scream in my car and yell at cancer....I do swear though so it wasn't pretty. It is really hard watching someone you love so much go through all of this. Just counting on you guys to get through this with positive results. All the best, Heather

  11. Gerald didn't experience shortness of breath with whole brain radiation - he already had the shortness prior. I can't speak for everyone though. If there are sudden spurts of shortness of breath or your husband is anxious at all please do not cancel out anxiety as being a cause. Gerald would get short of breath and anxious about being short of breath or visa/versa and he would take under the tongue ativan to relax himself and his breathing. It usually did the trick. Best of luck and thinking of you guys lots, Heather

  12. Hi

    I am really sorry that you had to come here but it is an excellent place to meet and for inspiration. I agree with Flowergirlie, however it also sounds like the cancer is quite agressive - so if they can slow the growth down that is bonus. They have offered her radiation so that should help with the pain and the breathing....I wish you the very best. Heather

  13. Well this time last year Gerald was merrily on his way with his buddies to the Ottawa river for the annual fathers day weekend fishing trip. It is so sad - this morning when I saw the guys at the coffee shop getting ready to go I thought how unfair life can be. It totally bites that he can't be on the trip with the guys - that I can't wave him off and wait for him to come home on Sunday and have the fish fry with the fish(store bought normally for lack of catching anything more than a hangover) that they have caught. This year is so different - he is actually going however it is part of his ashes in a little urn that I got at the funeral home. For some weird reason last year on the weekend before he even knew he was sick they were shooting the sh-- and he told his one friend that if he were ever to die he would want his ashes thrown in the river. Weird - they say that sometimes "the soul knows". Oh - by the way - they will probably come home with real caught fish this year cause ever since Ger died they have been catching fish in different spots like crazy. The boys are certain that Gerald is baiting the fish down there to their lines - and when they aren't biting - they just say "Come on Ger - get to work here" and the fish bite.

    Take care and have a great Father's Day Week-end


  14. Hey Melinda, It is really really hard - I know - Ger's birthday was a couple of weeks after he died - Good Friday - now what is so good about that. Hang in there and stay tough. It is really hard but you are a strong person. Hope your kids are doing well,

    take care and keep in touch. Heather

  15. Missy, When Ger got sick the most important thing for me was the signatures and looking at what other people were diagnosed with - their progression/digression and their treatment plans. Yes it was very very depressing sometimes - at the beginning and I would have to walk away from it...but I also needed to face reality and be informed. Ger didn't want to know anything. Now if I had cancer myself and was looking at the board - I don't know how I would feel. I actually thought about that today when I was responding to another post. Maybe there is something in Ger's signature that will help that person. I think if people didn't want to know - they wouldn't be on anyways - like Ger (mind you he didn't know how to turn on the computer). So - to make a long story short - I leave the information on as I hope that someone may benefit from something that we went through. Heather

  16. Tracy, First and foremost you have alot of ambition and you can beat this. Your family are in denial. You aren't. Ger's family was in denial but they did pull through. Sometimes they don't get it cause they aren't living it 24/7 - they were also 3000 miles away. They made 2 trips up in 3 monthes...cause they finally got it. I think as long as you are talking and walking your family might not "get it". Nor.......do they need to because we are all praying that the trial treatment will do you a world of good! Spend your time with your children and husband and enjoy every minute of it. I wish you the very very best. Heather

  17. Hi

    I am sorry that Harry is so nauseated. Hoping it turns around for you. Haloperidol is good for nausea and also for tension and anxiety - which could be also causing the nausea. It comes in pill form or needle. Ger had amozet?// or something like that - the pill looked like a little football. It worked really well. All the best. Heather

  18. Neulasta or Neupogen are needles that you can get for low white cell counts. They might take a couple of weeks to kick in but once they do and you get on a schedule it works great. Best to start sooner than later so you stay on schedule with your treatments. Best of luck, Heather

  19. Mary,my deepest condolances to you and your family in the passing of your husband. You are so right when you say that he is free, remember that feeling of happiness that you have for that in the days and monthes to come. This disease is so unfair. When I get really down and the "why did he have to go" feelings start coming over me...I look at the last pictures and know that he could not have lived on and that like your husband Gerald is now "free". Heather

  20. Mary,my deepest condolances to you and your family in the passing of your husband. You are so right when you say that he is free, remember that feeling of happiness that you have for that in the days and monthes to come. This disease is so unfair. When I get really down and the "why did he have to go" feelings start coming over me...I look at the last pictures and know that he could not have lived on and that like your husband Gerald is now "free". Heather

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