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Tami

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Posts posted by Tami

    Sensitive

    in GENERAL

    Posted

    Larry.. it is interesting how C changes things. Whether you yourself had it, you are caring for someone with it or lost someone to it.

    I think it does change things, it changes alot. How we change seems to be individual though. You seem more thinned skinned and take things personally others seem colder?? I really wish that when I started down this road not only did the doctors come up with a treatment plan I also think they should come up with a "therapy or a plan" for how this may affect your personaility, your mind, your life. what happens next.. during treatment, after treatment etc. I really believe they are overlooking a great need.

    Cancer has changed my outlook, my personality everything. I'm no longer the person I was at all and the farther I have come from treatment the more I am changing in many ways. I no longer have the patience and smiling acceptance of people I used. I cannot and do not listen and sympathize with people as they weep and complain about their inability to take that 2nd vacation this year or the fact that they had to do some overtime at work last Saturday. The fact that their mother still treats them like a child when they visit every weekend or even at every holiday. I tend to isolate myself much more now. At work, around people I consider friends, even just walking in stores or being out and about. I guess I could be considered rude. I don't want to be around groups or folks chatting away and listening to their holiday plans, vacation getaways and private schools for kids. Where the biggest thing in their life is the fact that they can't chose which patio furniture they are going to buy this year...

    I don't remember that being a concious decision but I retreat more and more. I'm not really fun and don't enjoy life anymore, except with my kids. All my days seem to amount to are endless complications, pain and being disillusioned with people and situations.

    I guess what I'm trying to say is I think it's normal after everything you have been through. You have lost your love and you are wounded and have every right to feel vulnerable and thinned skinned. As time passes that may change and you may build yourself up again. However, I don't think things will ever be quite the same as before.

    Thanks for the jokes.. the just for fun forum is one of my favorites and it gives me a lift everyday.

    tami

    Husband is back in the hospital

    in CAREGIVER RESOURCE CENTER

    Posted

    Hi there..

    Sorry to hear about the set back your husband had. Dehydration is a very dangerous thing.

    Forgive me if I'm out of line here but I think your husband is suffering from a terrible case of depression and fear. I know you said that he doesn't want to take depression medicine but I would talk with his doctors perhaps. I think that could be just as tough on him physically is anything else.I think his reluctancy to talk to another doctor (because his doctor is going to cure him) and his refusal for an MRI to me indicate that he is in the grips of some terrible anxiety. I agree that he may want to talk to another doctor. But that's tough to do.. I think he's afraid of what he will hear. He may be so afraid that he's willing to stay with a treatment that may or may not be the best because this doctor has said that he will cure him. He's willing to do that rather than hear another doctor tell him that he can't be cured or that he can't be treated. I may be wrong but as they say in MHO I really think the two of you need to discuss this. he has a right to bury his head in the sand and stick with one doctor no matter what but if that's his choice you have to let go and believe that this is his decison. Right or wrong you can't change it and it's out of your hands. If you don't do that you may feel guilty for not trying to convince him.. and that's not your role. Just support him and let him make the decision.

    If he is willing acknowledge his fear but encourage him. Many of us will could state that if we wouldn't have had a second opinion we may not be here. After several surgeries and treatments I was given no hope.. I had to beg several doctors to even look at me but I finally found one who consented to operate, he did and I'm still here. Honestly, I don't know if I would have the courage or fortitude to do that now. Too many things have happened in my life and I'm tired.

    Try to also take care of you. I know what it's like to go without pay and try to hold everything together. I was single at the time with 3 kids who depended on me. I went to surgery and appointments alone and tried to work through it all. Watching my savings, my credit, my everything go down the tubes.. It IS hard. I don't know how you do it..?? you just put one foot in front of the other, one day at a time. Care for yourself, and don't beat yourself up. You make the best decisions you can and you do as much as you can. You are doing a great job, you really are. No one knows how tough it is till you do it.

    Lot's of us here "get it" we've been there. Vent ask questions etc. all you want. There is so much knowledge and support here.

    I'll be praying for both of you..

    Problems eating after radiation

    in SCLC GROUP

    Posted

    Tasha..

    I think those of us who have done radiation can feel for your mom. We've been there.

    My throat wasn't so much as sore but felt moe swollen.. like nothing would fit down there. Turns out yes, it was very swollen and narrowed. It felt like something was stuck in there all the time. Many things just made me gag.. to this day I can't handle plastic silverware. Just the though of a plastic spoon is more than i can handle and it's been years.

    However, as the others say it normally doesn't last too long. the body does such an amazing job at healing. Each day gets better than the next and it gets easier. I ate whatever tasted good and whatever I felt I could handle. Some days colder stuff felt better, other days warm. I just went with the flow.. It does get better.

    keep us posted.. Tami

    New Rules - A little not pc

    in JUST FOR FUN

    Posted

    I loved it!!! Woohoo!!

    (BTW.. my PT christmas job is a cashier at Target. I love watching people swipe their card, push all the buttons etc. I get to relax for a second or two and just enjoy watching them try to navagiate all those screens. A pleasant smile comes across my face.. :twisted: but I would never eat anyones candy bar.. however, I have been know to sneak a gummy bear or two)

    my aunt passed today

    in GRIEF

    Posted

    My Aunt passed away this morning at 7:30am.

    In August we were at our county fair (it's a tenting fair and you actually live there for a week) and we discussed chemo, radiation and her treatment plan. Compared her's to mine etc. She expressed her fear of dying and her hope for survival.

    Her adult son passed away this summer in a tragic motorcycle accident. Now they are together again. It's hard to lose so many people, isn't it?

    I hate this *$%#!!! disease.. I really do. Life is just so painful..

    Tami

    My worst fear

    in LC SURVIVORS

    Posted

    Dani.. it is so very scary isn't it??

    I will be praying for a clean PET scan and thinking about you on Sunday.. I, along with the others, agree on waiting to tell the family later. For me it was easier if it was just me waiting and worrying rather than knowing everyone else was doing the same.

    Good luck!!!

    Thanksgiving Holiday

    in GRIEF

    Posted

    getting through the holidays really is tough.

    I agree with the others I don't think you need the abuse of trying to make nice with the ex. It takes a lot of work and honestly, you need to be good to yourself. Maybe next year you can take the high road.. or not. But not this year.

    This year is about what gives you peace and makes you happy. Maybe you can volunteer during the day, see your daughter for dessert in the afternoon? Or just spend some time with a friend or two? As you can see from the posts many people don't quite know what to do with themselves.. so you may have some friends that would welcome a hike, a movie or just dessert and some company.

    Honestly, I don't recommend that you spend the day alone. I did that once. My mother had died, I had just recently split from my husband (kids went with him in for the day) and my family had "disowned" me so I just sat around feeling bad. Please don't do that. You may be a better person than me but leaving yourself open like that is a real recipe for a very sad day. I'd start planning now. Call some friends, check out the movie listings whatever will make you happy. Not alot of activity but whatever will are up to and would enjoy.

    Just remember where ever you are and whatever you do Ed's with you. Loving you and celebrating along with you.

    carboplatin/taxol and avastin

    in NSCLC GROUP

    Posted

    I had it too.

    Out of the chemo protocols I used this one was the most easily tolerated. Didn't have too much problem with the nausea and/or vomiting with this. Mostly just didn't have a big appetite and tired.

    Like the others said drink, drink,drink. Stay hydrated and get that junk through your system.

    Good luck.

    I need some good vibes or just pass the stamina

    in HOPE

    Posted

    Thanks.. everyone for your thoughts.

    These past couple of months have been very difficult and things never seems to slow down. I have been doing the 3 job thing now for a week. It's tough but so far I'm doing okay. haven't had a nervous breakdown, yelled at a customer or anything--yet.

    I also managed to paint my bathroom and start to put down the new floor. So I'm making progress.. I have a weird restlessness and sense of urgency about things. I'm not sure where that's coming from? Just like I have to hurry, hurry and get things done.

    I'm praying for strength as I continue through December. thanks for everything!!

    Prayers for an aunt

    in HOPE

    Posted

    Geez.. I seem to be here all the time..!

    Please send prayers for my Aunt. She is my Dad's sister and she is losing her battle with C. Damn, I hate this disease! She stopped treatment a month or so ago, stopped eating about a week ago. They are just trying to manage pain.

    My father died last year in November just after my birthday and it appears as though it will be her this year. She lost her son in August (43 with 2 children and 2 grandchildren) in a motorcycle accident so this family has been through quite a bit in the last couple of months.

    Lately life just seems to be too cruel and too difficult.

    I'm sure her family would appreciate your thoughts.

    I need some good vibes or just pass the stamina

    in HOPE

    Posted

    Just wanted to ask those of you that can spare it for some stamina.. I've been having some health issues lately and I've got a lot coming up.

    I'm working full time at the University here in PA and I also bartend on the weekends. Well, I just got hired at Target as well. So it looks like I'll be working my "real job" from 8-5:00 going to Target 4 nights a week from 6-11:00 and then working one day on the weekend at Target and the other bartending. I'm only doing the Target thing through the first week in January.. so I'm hoping to hang in there till then.

    I know it's going to be a looooooooong couple of months but you gotta do what you gotta do. I'm trying really hard to be positive. :wink:

    So for those of you who can spare it I'll take all the good vibes, prayers and "internet strength" I can get. :D

    My first time to work retail over the holidays.. woohoo!!

    Thanks everyone! Tami

    Small Cell on "House"

    in GENERAL

    Posted

    I saw both shows which is actually kind of funny becuase I only watch those two shows.. I'm not a big TV person.

    Last nights episode on house was pretty much centered on the fact that the man was severly obese and that his underlying medical problem had to be due to obesity.. i think they throught that LC would be a little twist due to it being unrelated to what everyone would have expected. He was given the Small Cell diagnosis just like the others said. He did utter the words "I never smoked" which would have been a great opportunity for the "doc" to explain that LC is NOT just a smoker disease etc. However I thought that it was odd that they gave him small cell rather than non small cell as a non smoker? They did only offer him radiation which like the others said I thought that chemo was the standard for small cell. And just like the others mentioned it was radiation which might give him a couple of months..

    The nip/tuck episode was a week or so ago. The woman who has been on the show a few times came in and wanted to have "work" done. She explained that she had LC and would die. Didn't mention whether or not she had been treated or anything else really. Just said that she was dying. It really was just a piece of the puzzle as the story was really about her vanity and her desire to be beautiful with plastic surgery. It just seems as though TV has come up with a great way to kill people off.. you want someone to die well then lets give them LC because people always die from that.

    Maybe I'm just being touchy but these are my two favorite shows and it ticks me off that both have been so totally inaccurate. I don't really expect Nip/Tuck to be accurate it's not really a "medical show" but House???? By the way.. that is the 2nd time they have had LC on House and the first time the person was also terminal..

    Maybe I should switch to comedies..????

    Tami

    I lost my mom

    in GRIEF

    Posted

    Kat..

    I am so very sorry... My mom passed years ago and my father passed last November. It is a whole different world when you have no parents. No matter how old you are it is so difficult to lose them and feel so terribly alone.

    I miss them both so much.. I would give anything to talk to them. I have my kids which helps but no other real family I'm close too. I miss them everyday and I dread going into the holidays.

    I wish I could tell you how to make it stop hurting I wish I knew. It will dull in time.. I've had so many painful things going on in my life right now and I wish they were here to talk to.

    I pray for your strength and comfort. (((Kat)))

    Tami

    Mike's Test Results

    in MEMBER UPDATES

    Posted

    Sorry that NED has decided to take a walk on ya! I'll be praying that he makes he way back PDQ!!!

    I can agree with the others on the radiation. I also did the the chemo/radiation thing. 12 weeks on the radiation. I went through the throat thing. Mine seemed to swell more than it was sore. It felt like everything got stuck in there and it was very difficult to eat. Eat small meals often of whatever tastes good. Don't forget the boost or ensure.. if he can handle it. The nurse gave me skin cream on my first visit which i used faithfully and I didn't burn.

    The worst was the fatigue. I was tired to the bones. Not at the beginning but it crept up on me and got worse as I went along. I couldn't even drive into town without stopping to rest in my car. Not sure if it was the rads or chemo or both but it does get you down.

    However, just like the others said after the treatment ended I rebounded pretty quick.

    prayers for all of you.... I'm so glad the docs are going to be agressive and he's to NED's return!!

    Tami

    Myths of Lung Cancer

    in GENERAL

    Posted

    how about..

    why should I bother to quit smoking after I have been diagnosed with LC I'm going to die anyway?

    From everything I have heard (along with personal expereince): treatments, surgeries etc. are more likely to succeed if the patient is not smoking. In some cases they may not even be offered if a patient is still smoking. Many people are living with LC!!!

    Cancer of Unknown Primary Site

    in CAREGIVER RESOURCE CENTER

    Posted

    Chrissy..

    Just a side note. If you still aren't happy with Pittsburgh cancer center please consider Fox Chase in Philly.

    I'm also from PA and I was sent to geisinger. I was given a 2nd opinion but it had to be at geisinger. I wanted a truely objective opinion from another institution. Finally, after many treatments, phone calls etc. I was permitted to go to fox chase. They were wonderful did the surgery that removed my tumor. I would recommend them if you don't get the results you want from you 2nd opinion.

    Just a thought.. good luck! tami

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