Hi, all. I desparately need some advice. I guess a little background would be helpful. I just found this site while searching around the internet trying to find out anything I could about lung cancer. I am glad that I did find it because I am having so much trouble dealing with this. My mother is 63 and very active all her life, including now. We are very close and my two children spend a great deal of time going places with her. She makes us laugh all the time. Lately she had trouble breathing and after a series of doctors' appointments (family, allergists(!), ear, nose and throat), she finally saw a pulmonary specialist who performed a lung PET scan. Last week, this scan revealed two "hot spots". One large tumor on the back of her upper right lung and an enlarged lymph node-very large. Tomorrow they are performing a VATS biopsy and we will know what exactly we are dealing with. She found out yesterday that she also has a "slow response" heart beat and surgery may not be an option. We need to see a cardiologist, too.
She is depressed already, has started cleaning out her house, filling out donor cards and crying all the time. She lost both of her sisters (one to cancer and one to emphysema). She wants to stay close to home but depending on tomorrow's outcome, she may consider a cancer hospital further away. She just doesn't know which way to go or who to trust.
Although I cry every day, I am trying to also gather information. I don't know what to do first! Please someone help direct me to finding out specifically how to help her select a great oncologist who will not give up her! Her doctor now has been optomistic but he's not an oncologist.
I also need help telling my two daughters which I have put off pending the results of the biopsy. I figured I didn't have enough information for them to worry all week about it in school, etc...like I've worried. One is 16 and suspicious..she knows something is wrong. I need to tell her soon. The other is 8 and possibly oblivious to any signs of bad news coming her way. Should I tell them together? What exactly should I say? How would I begin? They are both EXTREMELY close to their grandmother and don't see her as a sick older person. Just someone who is strong, a lot of fun to be around and loves them each very much.
I'm sorry this is so long. I've never dealt directly with cancer before but I want to fight it with every possible means available. It's just hard when my mom has just found out and she is going through all of her emotions and coming out extremely depressed, angry and confused. I don't know what to do or if I am handling this right. I try to tell her she has lots to live for, such as Melissa's graduation in two years, but that just makes her cry even harder. It doesn't seem to help much at all! I'm making her feel worse.
I appreciate anyone who reads this and responds with any help or real direction at all. I've read some of your posts and I am so grateful that so many of you are doing well going down your paths of fighting cancer. I would love to have your advice if you can give any to me I dread tomorrow...
Take care,
Lauri
