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gerbil runner

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    Little memories of Mom

    in GENERAL

    Posted

    If anyone thinks my post would be better in the "grieving" forum, I won't be offended, but I thought it was upbeat enough to put here.

    Even though the wake on Wednesday and funeral on Thursday were hard, there were many good moments and happy memories that were brought up.

    My aunt remembered going to Dollywood with my mom. Auntie Jan insisted her hair needed to be "done", so my mom set her hair for her. On the first ride, well... :lol::lol::lol: ...Mom almost peed herself laughing.

    Mom was a very good english hadnbell ringer. She was on tv with her solo rendition of "O Holy Night". Years before, she had been on local access tv singing with her guitar. She had the most beautiful voice, but never wanted to perform anywhere but for church and other religious functions.

    Dad brought the little bellringer angel Mom had made, since I didn't have a picture of her ringing bells. We sat it on the top of the kneeler.

    My 14-year-old son surprised everyone by getting up to speak about his grandma at the funeral service. He remembered all the crafts she made which were scattered around the house, and how she always fussed over holiday dinners. "Does anyone need anything else? Do you have everything?" "Darn it, the only thing we need is for you to SIT DOWN AND EAT!!"

    Because we had family members who could not come to both the wake and the funeral, we planned to have a short viewing before the funeral service. Mom was very clear that her casket should be closed for the service, so the original plan was to bring everyone out so the funeral director could remove her rings and close the casket without an audience. Well, there were so many people there, all busy reminiscing, that the casket had to be closed in front of a roomful of people. Mom would have had plenty to say about that! "Come on, already! I'll close it myself if I have to!"

    My mom was the kind of person who made an impression. Nobody would have to think "Claire Hill...umm, was she the one..." Everyone who met her would have a clear memory of her humor, her talent, just her overall presence.

    Mom never lost her sense of humor. When her pastor visited two weeks before she died, he asked her if she was at peace. "What, are you trying to hurry me along?" she quipped. The next week, a neighbor came to visit and brought a book to sing Christmas carols. My aunt said, "You gotta be kidding. Claire's the one with the voice. Even now she could sing better than me!" Mom opened her eyes and said "You got that right!" And she did sing that day.

    Somehow, this just strikes me funny...a few days before she died, I was sitting with her. She woke up and started trying to sit up. I asked her if she wanted me to raise the bed, but she ignored me and tried again to sit up. Well, of course she couldn't - she hadn't been able to sit up in over a month. So after a moment she just gave up and said, "Rats!" in a disgusted tone. I don't know why I found this funny rather than sad...maybe because she still sounded the same as she always had.

    After the funeral, we had a lunch at a local restaurant. Mom insisted we take everyone out to eat after (she originally wanted a dinner, but Dad convinced her lunch would be better, just from a logistical standpoint). We even served a dessert tray...Mom wouldn't have had it any other way.

    Love you, Mom.

    Yoo hoo! Cindi o'h...Whar you been?

    in GRIEF

    Posted

    Ya know, Cindy, DeanCarl (and my mom, in her own way) learned how to get the most out of a smaller world.

    Your pulmonologist needs a different question; "If you were in my shoes, what would you try to make breathing easier?" Getting "better" may not be possible, but getting more mileage out of what your lungs can do may be well within your reach. Pulmonary rehab, perhaps? Learning how to get more out of the lungs you have may help you out.

    Darn it, get an electric can opener! And what organizations around you can offer help? Save your strength for what you really want. Make friends with the scooter. Find a buddy for ice fishing to drill the hole. You're a strong, creative lady - use those smarts to figure out how to preserve what means the most to you.

    You have enough of yourself left to want more, so figure out how to get it - you've got some livin' left to do. We know you can outsmart your new limitations.

    Go ahead and grieve your loss - a good b!tch session always seems to help. And then go ahead and figure out how to move on. I'm rooting for you!

    Claire Hill (bellringer)

    in GRIEF

    Posted

    http://www.legacy.com/providence/Obitua ... d=15972628

    HILL, CLAIRE (THIBAULT), 61, of Mill Pond Rd., passed away December 11, at home surrounded by her loving family after a two year battle with cancer. She was the beloved wife of Lyle M. Hill; they enjoyed 39 years of marriage.

    Claire was an accomplished solo and choir vocalist, guitarist and English Handbell Ringer. She enjoyed painting, knitting, fishing, reading, and crafting. She will be remembered by her family and friends for her sense of humor, quiet determination, and love of chocolate.

    Claire was a daughter of the late Roland and Irene Thibault. Besides her husband, she is survived by her daughter, Jennifer Lavoie of Foster, RI and her recently reunited birth son, Patrick Channing of Florida; five grandchildren; a sister, Janice Conway of CT and many cousins, nieces and nehphews. She was sister of the late Shirley Brodeur.

    Her funeral service will be held Thursday 10:00 A.M. in the AVERY-STORTI FUNERAL HOME, 88 Columbia St., Wakefield. Burial will be in Quidnessett Memorial Cemetery, North Kingstown. Visiting hours Wednesday 4-7 P.M. In lieu of flowers donations may be made to LUNGevity Foundation, 4541 North Ravenswood Ave., Suite 303, Chicago, IL 60640.

    Bellringer passed away

    in GENERAL

    Posted

    My mother, Claire (bellringer), passed away today at 12:40 pm. She was at home, where she wanted to be. My dad, her sister, and I were all with her when she died. She passed peacefully and without pain.

    Yesterday was my parents' 39th wedding anniversary. We had several friends and family members up to visit, which she always loved. I think she really wanted to make it to her anniversary.

    We are heartbroken, yet glad her ordeal is finally over.

    Thank you all for your prayers. I'll post a link to her obituary when it's finalized.

    I'm feeling fine - Saturday update-long

    in NSCLC GROUP

    Posted

    My mom lost all her hair, but it grew back. She also had a bit of hearing loss in one ear, and what looked like a sunburn. All these issues cleared up pretty quickly.

    Mom was never crazy about her wigs, either. Scarves and bandanas worked better for her. Wigs can be scratchy for those without hair, and they are HOT.

    Try www.headcovers.com for some ideas on wigs and alternatives. Good Luck!

    I've got brain mets - HELP!!!!

    in GENERAL

    Posted

    Leslie, I know I'm late here, but you can certainly beat this.

    My mom had WBR, and it wasn't that big a deal. Short-term memory problems, but not bad at all. And she STILL has all her personality.

    Gamma knife could also be used if some of those mets are too stubborn for WBR. Mom had gamma knife for regrowth. And don't let her story faze you - sclc moves much faster. Your cancer has been easily controlled up to now, so hopefully the WBR will fry the boogers into oblivion.

    CT scan results

    in CAREGIVER RESOURCE CENTER

    Posted

    Wow. This is tough, no doubt about it. But sclc is very responsive to radiation, and with so many brain mets, WBR is about the only choice. My mom did quite well with it.

    Prayers that this will only be a bump on a very long (and much smoother) road.

    Accepting hospice...random thoughts

    in CAREGIVER RESOURCE CENTER

    Posted

    Lori, there was actually a time early in our journey that we thought we were going to lose Mom without a chance to talk. She had a bronchoscopy to get a biopsy of the lung tumor, and she started to bleed. She was put on a ventilator, and at first the doctors thought she would die from the bleeding. My dad freaked out - he had no idea whether Mom would want to be cremated or buried, where she would want to be buried, nothing of that sort. But after being married for so long, I gently reminded him that he knew quite well that Mom had always said that funerals and cemeteries were really for the living, not the dead. And that whatever he did in his love for her would be just fine, in her opinion.

    So if worse comes to worst, you will be able to make decisions your Mom could accept.

    That being said, there may never be a "perfect" time to bring it up. Try telling her, "I know you're fighting hard and doing well, but I want to be able to do my best for you. If you suddenly couldn't talk to us, because of a stroke or brain met, what would you want us to know? I don't want to guess what you consider most important. You don't have to tell me right now, just think about it, please. It would be one less thing for me to worry about. I'd do anything you'd want, but I worry you might not be able to tell me." Maybe you could offer your ideas on what you would want for yourself. After all, you drive to visit her, and that's risky business (think of Snowflake's beer truck). :shock:

    I ran that by my Mom after WBR for her brain mets had brought her personality back. And it was awhile before she was ready to talk, but it made her able to think of it in terms of taking worry away from others, rather than admitting the end was near. She hasn't said she knows she is dying, so we don't tell her she's dying, but since the bases are covered, it's ok.

    I pray you will find the answers you need, and then not need them for a very long time.

    I'm about to lose my mom now, too

    in GRIEF

    Posted

    Karen, I so hear you on the "last" problems. Our Thanksgiving dinner was held in my parent's bedroom. It was bittersweet, but there's still that sweet part in there.

    Get your mom to talk to you as much as possible. If she's willing, get her to star on that camcorder for Faith. Spoil your mom in every way you can think of (did you know some restaurants will do up a baked stuffed lobster to go?). Desserts should be a main food group right now.

    Think of this time as a way to wrap up your mom's life here. A "going away" party. We never enjoy someone going away, but those parties help us remember to get the most out of the remaining time.

    If you haven't read the material already, the "Crossing the Creek" site offers a few publications. He has 2 others, "Transitions" and "Dying to Know" which are more about the spiritual work of moving on to eternal life. Worth paying for, IMHO.

    I hope you have a beautiful Christmas with your family, one which will supply terrific memories for years to come.

    Father-In-Law

    in SCLC GROUP

    Posted

    :cry::cry:

    I'm so sorry to hear what Tom and your FIL are facing. Prayers for all of you.

    And extra prayers that God will give your daughter the shake she needs to get back on track. How painful it must be for you...please take care of yourself.

    Accepting hospice...random thoughts

    in CAREGIVER RESOURCE CENTER

    Posted

    After a mostly successful battle over the past 2 years, my mother is now dying of SCLC due to the brain mets.

    Despite our sorrow, my dad and I are doing okay. Just want to take a few moments and pass on what is helping us.

    We have always looked for the most aggressive treatment, and researched all the options given us. So there is no regret about how treatment could have been done differently.

    We have encouraged Mom to do everything she wants. We have looked at every major holiday as a potential "last chance" in terms of effort put into the quality.

    We have held onto hope. What we hope for has changed, but we still feel hope.

    We have insisted on testing for problems other than cancer which can threaten life (which saved Mom's life in April).

    It's very hard to think of "final arrangements" and what is expected afterwards. Because my mother was initially diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and not expected to live more than a few weeks, we had to sort out feelings on what Mom wants family members to have from her belongings, and how she feels about Dad keeping his hobbies and moving on after she is gone. The one piece of advice I would give anyone who asked is, make as many "final" decisions as you can as soon as you can. Get it out of the way so you can get on with living the rest of your life. Dying is hard enough to witness without worrying about carrying out your loved one's wishes.

    We are fortunate. Mom is home and comfortable. We feel no need to pester her with questions. My dad keeps his rehearsals and concerts, knowing it's what Mom would want. So we concentrate on keeping Mom company, on remembering the here and now. We don't get everything right, and we still want Mom to recover and stay with us another 20 years, but it will be okay.

    My dad and I have tried to educate ourselves about "end of life" scenarios, so we feel less fear and uncertainty in caring for Mom. Learning what symptoms come at the end of life help keep us from watching every breath and wondering if it's her last. We'd rather chat with her than count her respirations.

    Ignorance is not bliss. We all die, and there are matters which to which we should attend before that time. Get your homework done so you don't have to think about it when you go out to play. That's not giving up hope - it's just finishing your taxes before April 15th. We'll never really be "ready" to say goodbye, but Dad and I will know we've done everything for Mom that she has wanted. It helps.

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