Hi Lori,
Sorry to hear your mom is having such a hard time with her cognitive functions. I know it is next to impossible to do, but try not to analyze it or worry about the what if's of it. Since my husband's brain mets were discovered (15+ of them), I've looked at every little thing he does and I wonder if it is because of the cancer. If he drops something I right away think he is losing motor function from brain mets. He takes a nap and I wonder if it is cancer progressing and wearing him out. He acts like a normal man (and women, we know what that means), and right away I think again it's got to be the brain mets not just him being himself with normal issues.
I by no means wish to trivialize the problems your mother is going through, I just mean you shouldn't borrow trouble from tomorrow. Try and stay positive until you know what is really going on.
While going through WBR and even for about a couple of months following it, Keith was woozy, dizzy, Exhausted, uncoordinated, no memory at all (he'd forget things 10 minutes after we talked about it, he forgot Christmas), and strangely enough he had very graphic terrible nightmares. Taking Oxycodone and Oxycotin on top of it only made those symptoms worse. I thought for sure the radiation wasn't working because he seemed worse than when he went in. But since then his brain mets have been stable. There just is no way to know exactly what is going on, which is also why it is ok to talk to your doctor anytime anything new comes up (even if it winds up being my own paranoia). I think I have my onc on speed dial.
As far as your friend goes and speculating on what she would do... well I guess no one can predict the steps they'd make until they are called upon to dance that waltz. As a caregiver, I am so happy Keith did choose to receive treatment. Not only am I still hopeful of a cure so our future is still unknown, but the alternative to treatment doesn't have the odds I prefer. The outcome is known and it isn't one we'd choose. Besides, even if there was no hope I am so grateful for the extended time together. We were told that with treatment Keith had about 9 months, 3-6 without treatment. Well, it has been 28 months, and good ones at that which I am sure is largely in part to treatment controling the tumor growth. I treasure each one of these days and wouldn't trade them for anything. I think if I were diagnosed tomorrow with Cancer I'd have a chemo IV in my arm the very next day because not only would I like to enjoy one more day followed by the hope of another day, I also wouldn't deprive all the people I love and who love me of our time together for a few weeks/months less suffering. Bring it on! Cancer can wreck a body but it can't destroy love and can't undo spirit.
Boy, sorry to rant there a little, but as you can see this is something that struck a nerve with me.
So, I'll just add one more comment as to your question about organ donation. Talk to your mom's doctor about it. If your mom is uncomfortable asking, talk to him privately. Keith and I asked, and were told he could still donate anything that was not affected by the cancer and it turns out there is a lot of things that can be donated. We were told he has a strong heart and as long as that stays clear it could be donated, along with Corneas, Skin is also donated to help burn victims, heck they take most anything. They just can take an organ involved at any time with tumor activity or right next to tumors as some cells may be there but not noticed yet (depending on the organ and likelyhood of spread to that organ). Also, some organs that have received radiation are no longer in top shape so are not received.
Ok, I'm done now. Sorry about the novel
You and your mom are in my prayers - God Bless
Carleen
